- There will be no Blowtorch Presents this week, since it's Thanksgiving. But don't worry, next week will make up for it. There's going to be a new second banana that's not actually a banana. I'm quite excited.
- Not sure if there will be anything happening here Thursday or Friday. I'd say it's a 50/50 proposition.
- Lastly, enjoy not sleeping again. Ever:
November 26, 2008
November 25, 2008
November 24, 2008
Wikipedia is a glorious and entirely accurate resource. For Your Reference highlights the best parts of this completely true learning tool. The picture will come from searching for the Wikipedia term in question.First up, the List of Nicknames Used in Basketball.
- Air Zaire - Dikembe Mutumbo
- Apollo 33 - Jamario Moon
- Big Snacks - Jerome James
- The Blonde Bomber - Dirk Nowitzki
- The Boston Celtic Mascot - Brian Scalabrine
- Boshinator - Chris Bosh
- Flop - Manu Ginobili
- Go Go Gadget Arms - Kevin Garnett
- Ko Ditty Ko - Kobe Bryant
- Mr. Perfect - Jeff Green
- The Money Man - Mehmet Okur
- Nickel - Anfernee Hardaway
- PG2010 - Pau Gasol
- The Riddler - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
- Troy Toy - Troy Murphy
Nicknames Where the Definition is Better Than the Actual Nickname
- Baby Gramps - Greg Oden ("He is a remarkably old looking young man.")
- Baby Shaq - Sofoklis Schortscanitis ("From his alleged resemblance to Shaquille O'Neal, plus he is slightly smaller in size than O'Neal.")
- The Beast - Patrick Ewing ("Due to his appearance.")
- Buffet of Goodness - Channing Frye ("He has described himself as a buffet of goodness because of his all around skills.")
- DaWhite Howard - David Lee ("Reference to him being a white player, and his similar penchant for snarring rebounds ala rebound king Dwight Howard.")
- Hot Plate - John Sam Williams ("Normally referred to as simply John Williams; nickname from his large girth, and to distinguish him from John "Hot Rod" Williams. Both of these John Williams's entered the NBA in 1986 from colleges in Louisiana ("Hot Plate" from LSU, "Hot Rod" from Tulane). ")
- The Italian Stallion - Andrea Bargnani ("Italian translation – 'The Magician'")
- Memo Man - Ramon Sessions ("Because of the career highs he sets every game.")
- The Rain Man - Ray Allen ("His shots always drip, like rain.")
- The 'Stache - Adam Morrison ("For his much-scrutinized mustache.")
Nicknames I Wish I Knew Existed Earlier
- Big Red - Arvydas Sabonis
- Buc the World - Greg Buckner
- Captain Crunch - Jalen Rose
- Earl the Squirrel - Earl Boykins
- Garbage Man - Michael Bradley
- Grits n Gravy - Ricky Davis
- Hungry Hungry Hilton - Hilton Armstrong
- The Rash - Bruce Bowen
- Mongoose Quick Rick - Ricky Davis
- Ghostface - Joel Pryzbilla
Nicknames Created by the Internet
- Agent Zero - Gilbert Arenas
- Kid Delicious - Kevin Durant
- The Armadillo Cowboy - Joe Johnson
- The Poo God - Manu Ginobili
- Timmy Deucecan - Tim Duncan
- The Medicine Man - Chris Quinn
There's a whole lot of goodness over there, have a look and chime in with your favorites.
November 23, 2008
- Things were going so well for Pringles. He’s got the Knicks playing over their heads. The team is entertaining. People are starting to forget about the Isiah Thomas Era (NEVER FORGET). Then Donnie Walsh realizes that he’s got some decent players who make lots of money. Money that could be better used on the best player in basketball. Trades were made, money was saved, and now the Madison Square Mustache is left with a team that features Wilson Chandler and Chris Duhon. Plus he has to coach Tim Thomas. Plus he probably has to play Eddy Curry now. Plus Stephon Marbury will keep bugging him about playing time. Plus he could be coaching Derrick Rose. Not the best week for Mike D’Antoni.
- Though the Pistons were the first team to knock off the Lakers, this week made it more apparent that the team is currently not a serious title contender. Losses to the Suns and Celtics proved the Pistons to be out of sorts and have highlighted Michael Curry’s limitations as a coach. It’s hard enough to deal with Rasheed Wallace, but adding AI to the mix can’t help, especially for a first time coach. Of course, it would help if Curry could design a play every once in a while.
- The Wizards went 0-4 this past week. They currently rank 24th in offensive efficiency and 28th in defense. Their star player (who hasn’t been 100% since 2007) is saying that he’s okay with rooting for a high lottery pick. Their lone bright spot is a rookie who has averaged 8 points and 5 rebounds a game. They continue to employ Eddie Jordan. The Wizards are not good. On the plus side, at least Gilbert mentioned Kerry Kittles in the foreword to the FreeDarko book.
- If Ricky Davis isn’t giving you scoring, he’s not giving you much. In 4 games last week, Ricky scored a combined 9 points on a combined 23 shots. However, he did lead the Clippers to their lone win of the week, by going 0-5 with 0 points. Of course, he’s now their starting two guard after the trade of Cuttino Mobley.
- A thirty percent success rate in major league baseball is phenomenal. In the NBA, it’s Andres Nocioni. And it’s not good. But still, Nocioni shoots, and still, Vinny Del Negro plays him heavy minutes. But hey, he hustles, right?
- Not only did Greg Oden make it through another week in the NBA without being injured, he’s also started playing some basketball. He followed a 22 point, 10 rebound victory against the Warriors with a second double-double the next night against the Bulls. Sure, he didn’t really do much against the Kings or Suns, but it’s just nice seeing him on the court. Well, it’s good that he’s playing. He’s still pretty terrifying to actually look at.
- For the week, D-Wade averaged 31 points, 9 assists, 4 rebounds, 2 steals, and 3 blocks. Averaged. For a week. Dwyane Wade is in another stratosphere right now. There were some doubts that his Olympic showing was simply a matter of playing with superior teammates, but he’s proven that completely false. The Heat are playing pretty decent ball so far this season, and Dwyane Wade is the catalyst.
- Just like the Heat, the Knicks are overachieving to start the season. That being said, head honcho Donnie Walsh realizes that this team is playing for a more important prize: LeBron James. Over the weekend, Walsh rid himself of $27.5 million in an obvious power play for the services of James in 2010. With the Nets stadium in limbo, the Knicks become that much more attractive to the league’s biggest star. Walsh has put himself in the running while not completely jeopardizing the progress that Mike D’Antoni has made this year.
- While still 4th on the Knicks depth chart behind such luminaries as Anthony Roberson and Cuttino Mobley, anytime a guard leaves the Knicks, Starbury comes that much closer to the court. It’s not likely that Steph will ever see the court, but maybe he can get some practice time. He’s got fresh legs!
- If ever there were a player destined to play for Don Nelson it was Dirk Nowitzki. But if there were ever a second player destined to play for Don Nelson it was Baron Davis. Somewhere down the line, thought, Jamal Crawford was made for Nellieball. Traded in the midst of his best season while in Mike D’Antoni’s freewheeling offense, Crawford goes to the only place more freewheelinger, the Dubs. His defensive gambling will be embraced, his skinny frame will be exalted, and his lack of conscious will be totally normal.
- A quick Wikipedia search confirms that he’s still engaged to Adriana Lima. There remains no bigger stud in the NBA than Marko Jaric.
November 21, 2008
November 20, 2008
- THE TRUE STORY OF ANTHONY MORROW IS REVEALED!
- Music from Q-Tip.
November 19, 2008
Rookie Danilo Gallinari did not travel with the KnicksNew York Knicks on their two-game road trip, staying behind to have a battery of tests on his back to rule out possible surgery, according to a team source.
The source said an MRI will be among the tests performed on the 20-year-old, who has suffered from a bulging disc since mid-July. The pain level in the Italian Stallion's lower back and leg increased the past few days, causing growing concern among the team's medical staff that new treatment may be needed for the 6-foot-10 forward from Milan, who was selected sixth overall in this year's draft.
If Mike D’Antoni is a few degrees shy of upright and grimacing, it is not because he is feeling the strain of coaching the Knicks. It is because his lower back is killing him.
D’Antoni has been dealing with debilitating back pain for more than a week. It became so bad last Friday he thought he might miss the Knicks’ home game against Oklahoma City.
November 18, 2008
November 17, 2008
There are only two logical results:
- Anthony Morrow is a real NBA player, who plays for the Golden State Warriors. He can only play for the Golden State Warriors, since his main skill is scoring. Upon joining another team, he would be Damien Wilkins (read: shoots too much, hated, annoying).
- Anthony Morrow is a construct. Concocted by a Dustin Hoffman in Wag the Dog type, "Morrow" was created to assuage concerns by the Golden State faithful. His existence is predicated on the concept of fairness. After Monta Ellis' injury, "Anthony Morrow" was created so that Warriors fans can have something to be happy about. Upon Ellis' return, "Morrow" will cease to exist.
The truth is out there.
November 14, 2008
- Whilst at the Free Darko book launch, some humans ended up watching the Warriors-Pistons game. This guy came in the game. I had never seen this man in my life. It was the first time I've been stumped on a player in a long, long time. To make things worse, every time the cameras were close to showing the back of his jersey, they'd cut away or he'd turn around. It was as if he was taunting us with his anonymity. Turns out, he's named Anthony Morrow, an undrafted rookie signed by Golden State. A player so unknown that NBA.com has no picture or bio for him. Of course, he ended up playing significant minutes down the stretch.
- Outside of Stephen Jackson, Andris Biedrins, and Corey Maggette, watching the Warriors is no longer fun for me. I think it's mostly due to Nelson and his refusal to settle on a rotation. There are only three possible explanations:
1) He's trying to prove that the roster he's been given is in adequate in a push to have Mullin ousted.
2) He's tinkering and trying to find the right combination of players to keep the ship afloat until Monta gets back.
3) He feels his system can account for the severe talent drop-off after his three best players.
He won't settle on a point guard. He plays Azubuike a lot of minutes at a position where he takes a lot of jumpers, even though he's a terrible jump-shooter. He's just now figuring out how to use Brandan Wright. He's running Stephen Jackson in to the ground. Frankly, his lineup choices are terrible and I help thinking that it's because he's selling out Mullin.
- It's WAY too early to tell, but the Iverson trade has really messed up the Pistons. They are a mess on defense and his propensity to dominate the ball, coupled with the Pistons deferrential nature seems like a bad mix. I'm a big, big fan of this team (and the majority of the players on the roster) but I have a bad feeling that Curry's inexperience and subsequent lack of respect will be the Pistons' downfall. To get through to Wallace and Iverson AND get the most out of their young players, they need a very strong coach. It's unlikely that Curry is that guy.
END BASKETBALL ANALYSIS
- The Free Darko party was everything I expected and more. The pizza was great. The awkwardness whenever anyone would enter the room was even better. I am continually amazed at how open and friendly and receptive bloggers are in person.
- It seemed like a joke in the post, but we really read the manifesto in unison. Surely this frightened the party in the next room. Most strange is that the first few lines of the manifesto, when read aloud, definitely sound like an altar call from a church.
November 13, 2008
November 12, 2008
AB: Vhat a vaste.
Are you kidding me? What do I have to do to beat the Spurs?! I mean, seriously, what? This is getting ridiculous. I hate those guys. It's stupid. UGH! I hate my life.
Let's run down the list of reasons that I shouldn't have lost this game:
a) the Spurs suck right now. I coach the God-forsaken New York Knicks and WE HAVE A BETTER RECORD! The Knicks. My team. Better record than the Spurs and we still lost.
b) Balki isn't playing. I hate that no good, flopping, balding piece of garbage but at least then I can understand why I'd lose. But Roger Mason, Jr.? Gimme a break.
c) The smelly Frenchie isn't playing. I still don't get how Tony Parker's the French one, while Jacque Vaughn is an American but whatever. He's out too!
d) My mustache is WAY sexier than Popovich's old-timey Civil War beard. He looks like a fat Donald Sutherland.
I can't figure it out. I mean, it's definitely NOT my system. People wrote books about how good this thing is. Does Castaway have books written about his system? Didn't think so. Oh great. He's coming over here. Play it cool, Mike.
Hey, Coach! Great to see you! Oh, you guys looked great tonight. Great, great game. I hope Tony and Manu get healthy. I'd hate to see you guys without them for too long. And let me say, I LOVE your beard. It looks excellent. Well, gotta run. Good luck this year.
(whispering as Popovich walks away)
I hate you so much.
November 11, 2008
Oh, Internet. Thanks for existing and having a searchable database of public service announcements.
November 10, 2008
I spend a lot of time thinking about what would be the worst signature shoe ever, usually between three and four hours a day. That's why it's really weird that I forgot that they had already been created.
It's hard to imagine why Converse went bankrupt.
This video is unbelievable. It features:
- A Bill Wennington alley-oop over (not on) Alonzo Mourning, which is probably Mourning's lowpoint on an NBA court.
- Another Bill Wennington dunk on a backdoor cut.
- Alonzo Mourning's flat-top.
- Bill Wennington's flat-top.
- Jordan wearing the four-five.
- Toni Kukoc doing Kukocian things.
- BILL WENNINGTON CLOSE-UPS.
- Seriously, Bill Wennington catching an oop on a fastbreak.
And yes, I do perform a Youtube search for Bill Wennington daily. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.
November 7, 2008
Wait. I just had an idea. What if I flex ALL my muscles and try to smile? Would that work? Here goes nothing.
November 6, 2008
- Various aesthetic changes across the League are assessed for their quality.
- An impromptu dance party is enjoyed.
- A call from Robin Lopez to Brook Lopez is intercepted.
- Music from Black Milk and Royce Da 5'9"
November 5, 2008
Are you kidding me, Sacramento? Kevin Johnson is your mayor? Kevin "I Don't Have Any Titles While Scott Williams Has Three" Johnson? That guy?
Can a Scott Williams get some love around here?
I mean, sure, whatever, Kevin Johnson was good at basketball and a legend in California, but how many titles does that guy have? None. How many does Scott Williams have? Three.
Three is more than zero. I can balance that budget.
It's not like since I have three championships I don't understand the little guy. I had to work hard to win those three championships. Trust me, I know what it takes to succeed. Three times.
Am I out of line here? Is there some reason Scott Williams can't be the mayor somewhere? I get that Sacramento is probably still pretty upset that I averaged 12 points and 10 rebounds a game against the Kings during the '99-'00 season, but that's no reason to not vote me mayor.
Is it because I don't have a mustache? I can grow one if that's the case. Just let me know.