Omri Casspi Shaved His Face

Can we make sure we keep Omri Casspi's razors hidden from him? I thought we had an agreement that we'd do that with all European NBAers anyways. It's in the collective bargaining agreement.


OmBro looks WAY too much like Crispin Glover to be running around all smooth-faced. Next thing you know, Spencer Hawes is going to be collecting even more skulls than usual. And no one is going to sign Andres Nocioni because he gives a weird interview on Letterman.

Get it? Because these are things that Crispin Glover really does and Omri Casspi looks like Crispin Glover. Get your beard back, bro. Crispin Glover is cool and all, but not that cool. And hey, Crispin Glover, you were in Charlie's Angels, you're not that creepy. Relax, Crisp.

But back to Omri Casspi. If he decides to look more like Dean Cain that is acceptable. But good luck with your mediocre career after leaving the place that gave you your start.

DEAN CAIN ZING 2010

A Very Effective Shark Imitation

Michael Beasley: Hey, check me out. I'm a shark. RRRRRRRRROOOWWWWWR. Buh dut. Buuuuh dut. Buuuuh dut. Buh dut buh dut buh dut buh dut SNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Rafer Alston: Hahahahahahhaha. That's funny, man. Is that fin real?

Michael Beasley: Yeah, cuz I'm a shark.

Rafer Alston: Hahahahahahhaha. That's funny, man. Hahahahahahhaha. Man, that's funny, man. Hahahahahahhaha. Oh, sup basketball.

Michael Beasley: SHARKSKETBALL! SNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Kevin Durant's New Arms

I think the fan movement is pretty cool down in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma home of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball club. Seems like their fans always want their team to do well, and they're super excited to have a team. It's pretty chill.

However, I DO NOT agree with them replacing their best player's arms with thunder sticks just so 'the people' can better identify with him.

I know you're not used to having a basketball team, but one of the first things they teach you at the town meeting the city holds when it's announced that you will be getting a new basketball team is to never replace your star player's arms with any sort of cheering apparatus. That's like Fandom 101, which is offered at any community college. Take a class, guys.

Deron Williams Goes to the Barber

Deron Williams goes in to the barber and says, "give me a stoplight."

The barber says, "stoplight? What are you talking about?"

So Deron Williams says, "you know, red, yellow, green."

And the barber says, "I know what a stoplight is, but it's not a haircut."

Then Deron Williams says, "sure it is. Let my beard go, stop my hair from growing on my temples, and be careful with the top — I don't have much to work with up there."

Some Bros Talk Basketball

Bro, last night was RIDICULOUS.

For real, bro. Crazy.

Kobe, bro.

Bro. Kobe.

I know, bro.

At first I was like, "yoooooooo b, hook it up with the ball." But then I was like, "nice."

Exactly.

Exactly.

Pretty tyte, bro.

For real.

Shannon Brown: What are you guys talking about?

The Shane Battier Replicant

They did it, guys. They finally cloned a human, and as expected, something went wrong. This SCOUNDREL is running around calling himself "Shane Batch-ee-yay" to sound more dangerous, like Stephon Urquelle.

Well you're not fooling me Fake Shane Battier.

I've been watching you ever since that mustache showed up. You're shooting inefficient shots. You're not playing helpside defense. And when you challenge shooters, you're going for the ball and not putting your hand in their face. Did you think we wouldn't notice, Fake Shane Battier? Come on, son.

Next thing we know you're going to be trying to smooth out your head wrinkles. You're fooling no one Fake Shane. No one. Everybody who knows anything about facial hair knows that the mustache is the least efficient form of facial hair. It doesn't keep your face warm and it doesn't make your head seem longer, so what's the point? The real Shane Battier would never grow a mustache, YOU FAKING FAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sean Marks Takes a Break

OH SNAP SON. Marcus you dropped that ball, man. Go get it. I'll just hang out here. Can't believe you're just throwing the ball out of bounds for no reason. Kinda wack, bro.

I'm freaking out? How? Because I'm yelling OH SNAP? Big deal. Maybe if you didn't throw the ball out of bounds for no reason I could just relax and set some back screens. Looooooove setting back screens.

OH SNAP. I'm gonna go set some back screens after you get that ball.