Brandon Jennings' New Shoes

As you already know, I'm a very powerful advertising executive.

Heeeeeyyy. You want some ads?

And you already know that I'm down with shoes.

Heeeeeyyy. You want some shoes?

But you probably didn't know that I was working closely with Under Armour to create the newest shoe for their biggest (and only) NBA endorser, Brandon Jennings. Brandon wanted to go with something that represented his team, the Milwaukee Bucks. I think we subtly alluded to that with this newest signature shoe, the BJ2.

The BJ2

There's some pretty impressive performance features. The zipper helps to maintain the low profile that Brandon likes, and the Hoof Bottom^TM allows for forefoot flexibility. Of course the coarse deer hair (obtained from real deer carcasses*) let's Brandon's foot breath, while keeping it dry and warm. The extended Deer Ankle Technology^TM gives support to both high and low ankle sprains.

Inspiration

We really looked to nature on this project, and I think it turned out pretty well. In fact, Brandon was wearing the shoes during his 55 point explosion. That's a pretty ringing endorsement. Right now, the shoes aren't available for the public, but they will be released over All Star Weekend. These will be especially great during the cold winter months. Stay tuned for further updates.

*No deer were harmed in the making of the BJ2. All hair was obtained from a roadkill exchange initiative in the Milwaukee area.

New Signature Shoes

I was on the information superhighway earlier today, transversing the shoe blog exits when I found the following shoes. It took some digging, but I was able to find out which shoes belong to which people. Let's take a look.

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Dahntay Jones

As the head of a growing consulting company, I'm a little surprised that Dahntay Jones's people are supporting a shoe like this. I mean, he's kind of already got a rep as a "dirty player," and wearing shoes with a bunch of tiny knives on them isn't going to help. However, in this economy, you've got to do what you can to bring in money.

Grant Hill

Aside from his basketball skills, piano skills, and strikingly large ears, Grant Hill is most well-known for his ankle injuries. Putting him in a fancy splint isn't just good business sense, it's also a nice step towards rebranding Hill's various maladies. If you can convince people that hurting your feet is cool, then maybe they won't think his massive contracts were a colossal waste of money.

Kobe Bryant

His last signature shoe, the Zoom Kobe 4, was about as minimalistic as a basketball sneaker could be. Until now. Yeah, these are ostensibly high-tops (compared to his previous lows), but the removal of all nonessential material is pretty amazing from a design standpoint. Furthermore, since it's Kobe, you know he has the newest features, such as a sole that has no cushioning, which somehow still provides cushioning.

I'm constantly amazed by the innovations in shoe design. As soon as Blowtorch Consulting gets big enough, we'll probably land a deal with a brand and then make amazing shoes. Until then, enjoy these player editions!

A Tribute to the Worst Signature Shoe Ever

I spend a lot of time thinking about what would be the worst signature shoe ever, usually between three and four hours a day. That's why it's really weird that I forgot that they had already been created.

That's right, those are Master P's signature Converse. You remember Master P, right? He's probably the worst rapper ever and he played in the preseason for the Raptors.

It's hard to imagine why Converse went bankrupt.

(Side note: I'm slowly becoming convinced that the Raptors are the funniest NBA franchise. If the internet had been around during their inception, we'd be regaled with some hilarious, hilarious things.)

(Other side note: Here's the entire No Limit discography if you hate your ears.)

The Worst Shoe Commercial Ever

Allow me to expound on the various reason that this Converse commercial is the worst major shoe commercial of all time. BULLETS.

• It stars Jalen Rose, John Starks, and Brevin Knight.
• Starks and Knight have their voices altered as if they had inhaled helium. That's Jalen's real voice.
• The guys seem to be playing a game of 2 on 3 in the abandoned building where Jim Carrey meets Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.
• The main selling point for the shoe that's being advertised is that it has helium in it.
• Besides the fact that the main selling point of the shoe is that they have helium in them, the shoes are atrocious.
• For whatever reason, Brevin Knight has his shirt off in his close-up. He also looks like Pusha-T.
• Seriously, helium shoes.
  

Otherwise, great commercial. With that kind of advertising, it's hard to see why Converse went bankrupt for a while. Total shocker.

Hmmm...What's the Deal with Olympic Shoes?

As Skeets and I power through the All-NBA Olympics, I pose to you this question: What in the name of good design is going on with these Olympic colorways? The Hyperdunk (as a shoe) is amazing, but these special editions are pretty out there. Your comments are welcomed below.

In Progress

I'm working on something for HP right now. While I jot, ponder this:

Which shoe is worse?

The worst Jordan ever created.

OR

The ugliest Arenas' ever designed.

Choose wisely.

Kobe Bryant Week, Day 3: Two Word Reviews of Kobe's Shoes

For as big of a Jordan fan as he must be, it's surprising that Kobe Bryant's shoes have been largely underwhelming. With two words, I can provide you with a review of each shoe that Kobe has donned during his NBA career.

Pretty average

Team shoe

Second best

Easily forgotten

Best yet

Looks uncircumsized

Too dainty

Very generic

Not terrible

Quite holey

Over designed

A Tribute to Penny Hardaway's Feet

I think you can make a serious argument that Penny Hardaway's signature shoes were on par with Jordan's from the late 90s. That's when Nike really started experimenting with new materials, and the results are stunning.

Everyone already knows all about the Jordans, but I'd like to have a look at Penny's kicks.

1995

Nike Air Up High

These weren't technically Penny's shoes, but he wore them for a while. I don't love them, but they were definitely part of Nike's "squiggly" stage (see the first Pippen's). They look very 90s, and they're alright I suppose.

Nike Air Penny

The first Hardaway signature shoe is gorgeous. I'm a sucker for dark shoes with a white midsole. Plus these were the first shoes to have the 1 Cent logo, which was pretty brilliant.

1996

Nike Air Penny II

I love this shoe. These are easily in my top 10 basketball shoes of all time. I won an 8th grade fre-throw contest in these, and these might be the most comfortable shoe I ever played in. Thankfully, these are being re-released this year.

Nike Air Flight 96

Another of the squiggly Nikes. This was a pretty good-looking shoe, but I remember it being stiff to wear. Love the ice bottom though.

1997

Nike Foamposite

This was a revolutionary shoe made from the sharkskin. The sharkskin part probably isn't true, but this shoe was out of this world. There was a kid named Roy Alexander III (and, yes, he used "the third") who was on my freshman football team that used to wear these to practice. These retailed for $199.99; he wasn't the wisest kid.

Nike Air Penny III

I don't like these, but I suppose they play off the Foamposite + squiggly theme. A little too garish for my tastes. Which are impeccable.

1998

Nike Air Penny IV

That's better. Back to simplicity. As far as I can tell, these are Penny's last signature shoes. Maybe it's because he left the Magic after this season, or maybe it's because his legs started exploding, but I can't find any other Pennys. This is a really good way to go out though. Not too squiggly, not too over-designed. Just a nice looking shoe.

Timeline via The Shoe Game

Pictures via Pick Your Shoes

Bad Decisions in My Basketball Life, part 1

Back in ’96, Grant Hill was the new hotness. He’d won rookie of the year two seasons prior and was coming off his first All-NBA selection, a year in which he also had his first signature shoe. Grant Hill was on the way to becoming the next big thing in the NBA, and with that, a marketing force.

You’ve got to remember that back in the day, Fila wasn’t the joke that they are today. Not only did they have endorsement deals with Hill, but also Jerry Stackhouse, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa. I had the first Grant Hill shoe. I had a red Pistons Hill alternate. I drank Sprite regularly. Needless to say, when the new Grant Hills came out, I was going to have them.

At that same time, Nike was preparing to release the Best Basketball Shoe Ever Created – the Air Jordan XI. Let’s take a second to enjoy how fantastic these shoes really are:Besides the fact that the new Jordans were amazing looking, they also had purple accents and my school colors were purple and white. Believe me, finding shoes with purple on them that looked decent was nearly impossible. These were pretty much the ideal shoe for someone in my situation. So, of course, I had my mom get me the Grant Hills.

It was a decision that haunted me for at least 4 years. I had a mom willing to drop serious cash on some shoes for a barely A-team 8th grader and I picked the stupid Grant Hills. They were good shoes, but in no way were they legendary. However, in the year 2000, Nike saved me from myself by retro-ing the Jordan XI’s in the original white/black/purple colorway. I didn’t make the same mistake. I called the night before the release, reserved a pair, and then took the day off school to get the Best Basketball Shoe Ever Created. That season I sported the XI’s (except for one game in orange Dunks), a huge Bill Walton fro or cornrows, and a headband on my way to becoming that year’s Most Improved Player1. I’m not saying it was the shoes, but it was probably the shoes.

1. Seriously. I looked pretty ridiculous my senior year of high school. I have a picture that will be unearthed soon.

Great News

Reebok is re-issuing Dee Brown's dunk contest shoes. I want them badly, but in the mean time, I'll be bidding on these gems.