Italians Stick Together

Italia!

Italia!

ITALY!

Eh?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Italia?

Italia!!

A Couple of Bros Discuss Product

Che cosa sta succedendo, bro?

Chillin, bro. Sup?

Per vero, bro. Potrebbe sparare alcuni gruppi di tre.

I feel that. Might shoot some back. Depends, yo.

Senza dubbio, bro.

Bro?

Eh, bro?

What kind of product do you use?

Cosa?

You know, hair product, bro. Your hair looks wicked fresh.

Stai comportando in modo strano, bro.

Nah, man. Just want to get the messy spike thing going on. Getting tired of the swoop action.

Ancora, bro. Stiamo cercando di sparare tre, qui e siete tutti così, "fammi sapere i tuoi capelli."

Chill, bro.

Hai freddo, bro.

Psssssssht.

Fuhgeddaboudit.

Not cool, bro.

PROTIP: Hover over Italian phrases for translations, bro.

The Blowtorch Interviews Danilo Gallinari

I was lucky enough to sit down with Italian heartthrob Danilo Gallinari of the New York Knicks for an in-depth interview about his thoughts on coming to America, playing for the Knicks, and reuniting with Mike D'Antoni. Here's the transcript:

The Blowtorch: Hi, Danilo. Thanks for agreeing to this interview.

Danilo Gallinari: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: You just returned to the Knicks, how do you deal with missing all that time due to a back injury?

DG: Fuhgeddedaboudit.

BT: Yeah, putting it in the past seems like a wise plan. Now, we know your dad and coach D'Antoni played together in Italy. What was that like for you?

DG: Fuhgodaboudit.

BT: True, true. That would have been a long time ago for you. Maybe you have childhood amnesia. That's when you can't remember things from your childhood that happened before your memories form. What do you think happens to those memories?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudem.

BT: Exactly right. Since you're so young, they don't stick in your brain. You're smart, Danilo. Coming to New York from Italy, as a virtual unknown, then not playing for months, how do you deal with the hecklers?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: That's a great approach. Shake the haters off, is what I always say. Surely you miss being back home, where you have your friends and family; how do you cope with not seeing them for long periods of time?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit...

BT: I imagine that's hard, but burying your emotions can be bad later on. Do you want me to keep that off the record?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Absolutely. I won't publish that.

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Really? I can publish it? That's great. It really shows another side of you. Thanks for letting me do that.

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Moving on. The Knicks of recent years have been the laughingstock of the NBA. How do you think the fans should feel about those teams?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Just let the past be the past? What about the Isiah Thomas regime?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Seems prudent. What did the team do to deal with the Stephon Marbury situation?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

BT: Yeah, he hasn't been a story for quite some time. Weird question, but do you have a favorite Burt Reynolds movie?

DG: Forget About It.

BT: Hmmm, I haven't seen that. Did you ever see Donnie Brasco?

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit!

(we share a hearty laugh)

BT: Well, I think that's about all the questions I have for you. Thank you SO MUCH for doing this interview. I think it went really great.

DG: Fuhgeddaboudit.

Mike D'Antoni's Having Sympathy Pains

Oh, my back hurts because I'm sooooo sexy. Want to comb my mustache?

First, it was Danilo Gallinari:

Rookie Danilo Gallinari did not travel with the KnicksNew York Knicks on their two-game road trip, staying behind to have a battery of tests on his back to rule out possible surgery, according to a team source.

The source said an MRI will be among the tests performed on the 20-year-old, who has suffered from a bulging disc since mid-July. The pain level in the Italian Stallion's lower back and leg increased the past few days, causing growing concern among the team's medical staff that new treatment may be needed for the 6-foot-10 forward from Milan, who was selected sixth overall in this year's draft.

Now, it's Mike D'Antoni:

If Mike D’Antoni is a few degrees shy of upright and grimacing, it is not because he is feeling the strain of coaching the Knicks. It is because his lower back is killing him.

D’Antoni has been dealing with debilitating back pain for more than a week. It became so bad last Friday he thought he might miss the Knicks’ home game against Oklahoma City.

I've heard of protecting your young players from the media, but this is ludicrous. Just because D'Antoni is friends with Gallinari's dad doesn't mean he should be faking injuries to make his son more comfortable. And that's obviously what's happening.

ALTERNATE ENDING

Oh, you Italians with your weak backs and womanizing ways. That's what you get for stealing our women and trying to make mustache's cool.

Danilo Gallinari

Danilo Gallinari shirts now available in THE BLOWTORCH SHOP.