Are you kidding me? What do I have to do to beat the Spurs?! I mean, seriously, what? This is getting ridiculous. I hate those guys. It's stupid. UGH! I hate my life.
Let's run down the list of reasons that I shouldn't have lost this game:
a) the Spurs suck right now. I coach the God-forsaken New York Knicks and WE HAVE A BETTER RECORD! The Knicks. My team. Better record than the Spurs and we still lost.
b) Balki isn't playing. I hate that no good, flopping, balding piece of garbage but at least then I can understand why I'd lose. But Roger Mason, Jr.? Gimme a break.
c) The smelly Frenchie isn't playing. I still don't get how Tony Parker's the French one, while Jacque Vaughn is an American but whatever. He's out too!
d) My mustache is WAY sexier than Popovich's old-timey Civil War beard. He looks like a fat Donald Sutherland.
I can't figure it out. I mean, it's definitely NOT my system. People wrote books about how good this thing is. Does Castaway have books written about his system? Didn't think so. Oh great. He's coming over here. Play it cool, Mike.
Hey, Coach! Great to see you! Oh, you guys looked great tonight. Great, great game. I hope Tony and Manu get healthy. I'd hate to see you guys without them for too long. And let me say, I LOVE your beard. It looks excellent. Well, gotta run. Good luck this year.
(whispering as Popovich walks away)
I hate you so much.