September 30, 2009
September 29, 2009
- "Oh, hey. You're DeShawn Stevenson."
- "Wow. There's a tattoo on your throat."
- "I bet that hurt."
- "Is that Abe Lincoln?"
- "Oh, there's a crack on your forehead."
- "What's that about?"
- "So, you don't crack, but you got a crack tattoo?"
- "I'm kinda confused."
- "You're saying the only way you crack is if you decide to crack yourself with ink?"
- "I guess it kinda makes sense when you put it that way."
- "What about in the winter, when your skin is really dry? I crack like crazy then."
- "Chapstick helps."
- "Not sure I get the 9 on your face."
- "No, that's not right."
- "No matter how far away I am, it's still a 9."
- "It's still a 9 from here."
- "I really don't get your tattoos."
- "Anyways, nice to meet you. Good luck with your face and neck tattoos."
September 28, 2009
I recently had a chance to chat with Mike Dunleavy, Jr. of the Indiana Pacers basketball team. He was very kind to answer a bunch of my questions, and was very earnest in doing so. In an age of irony and sarcasm, Dunleavy's sincerity should be applauded. Here's the highlights.
On how long our interview would be.
"Two minutes. 120 seconds."On his mental state during his knee injury recovery.
"I've got the right attitude."On his favorite part of being a basketball player.
"You know, I just like meeting people."On watching other teams' games.
"I get League Pass, so I can watch all the games at my house. There aren't enough NBA fans left."On the difference between college basketball and the NBA.
"If you say college basketball is better, you're stupid."On what he would be doing if he weren't a basketball player.
"Tax accountant."On being told he resembles a young Liam Neeson.
"Hey, I consider that a HUGE compliment."
September 23, 2009
For shizzle, my nizzle.
Down in V-A.
We don't believe you, you need more people.
September 22, 2009
We're called the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion. Our name used to be Toni! Toni! Toni!, but due to some sort of copyright infringement we had to change our name. So, for now, we're the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion.
As you can probably guess from my shirt, our name, and our fan club (the Rockabullies -- that's one in the red and black tanktop), we're a post-slowdrive, blues infused, meaningfulcore band that is heavily influenced by the 1997-98 Chicago Bulls. In fact, we've all taken pseudonyms when we're performing. Here's the line-up:
- Dickey Pimpkins - lead guitar, backing vocals
- Get Down Randy Brown - bass, backing vocals
- Rusty LaRock - drums
- Harper - harmonica, effects, harmonica effects
- Jumpin' Jud (me) - rhythm guitar, organ, lead vocals
We've played all around the Chicagoland area. Our manager says we'll probably be able to schedule a national tour in the next few months, but word on the street is that we won't be able to perform in Washington, Arizona, Utah, Michigan, Ohio, and parts of New York and California. I guess time hasn't healed those wounds yet.
A long of our songs are written from the perspective of different players, or about the players. Probably our most famous song, so far, is "Taco Joe." It's about Joe Kleine. Here's the chorus:
Get us a tac-o
We want that tac-o
I wrote that particular lyric, but Dickey usually writes the songs. He's really good with melody. You can find our demo right here, and it'd be cool if you could hand that off to anyone you might know. Who knows, we could end up in a town near you.
And yes, we do do a cover of "Sirius" by the Alan Parsons Project. It's our first song every night.
September 21, 2009
Good. Now look at this.
It is blatantly obvious that I have uncovered another great deception in the NBA. There are only three logical explanations for this.
- LeBron James has a twin brother named LaRon James who does not have perfect vision and is starting to bald. LaRon often stands in for LeBron when he feels the situation is either too dangerous or too inconsequential. We'll call this the Tony Clifton Scenario. This is the most likely.
- There is some bro who looks a lot like LeBron James and is trying to capitalize on his fame and money. We'll call this the Frank Abignale Scenario. This is the second most likely, which is why it is listed second.
- LeBron James wears glasses. This is not very likely because he is superhuman and therefore has superhuman vision. While it might be a Superman kind of thing, that persona has been co-opted by too many other athletes that a brazen copyright infringement would not go unchecked in NBA back channels. This can be discredited.
Like I said, it's most likely that there is a LeBron James twin that no one knows about. The only differences betwixt the two are the glasses, loss of hair, and complete lack of athletic ability. If you have seen The Prestige, you'll quickly realize that this is something that has been planned since LeBron realized he could become famous. By using a twin he is able to be in two places at once, which is hugely marketable. Plus it will extend LeBron's career because it will save the wear and tear of travelling around the globe.
As the old saying says, you never know when a famous athlete will have a less athletic brother with wacky hair that the Phoenix Suns will want to draft.
September 18, 2009
Michael Beasley: Yo, man. You hear this new CuDi album yet?
JM: Naw, man. I been playing ball too much.
MB: Tyte, bro. I been busy at this place they sent me to. If it sound echo-y, it's cause I gotta call from the bathroom. I ain't supposed to have a phone, so I had to leave my other four at home. One of my guys got me that CuDi record. Dude's on point.
MB: You just ain't get it, man. That lonely stoner thing really makes sense to me.
September 17, 2009
September 16, 2009
September 15, 2009
And they are WIDE LEGS. That's so '95.
Let's just hope Michael says something to him.
September 14, 2009
What are you doing? I'm trying to remember every thing anyone ever did to offend me in the slightest, and you're interrupting me.
This isn't cool, man. You're going to make my list.
I'd like to thank Kanye West for giving me the motivation to release my first rap record. I guarantee that any time I see him near a mic, I'm going at him.
September 11, 2009
As referenced in the previous post, here are my two terrible Jordan Brand clothing pieces. Like I said, these are so bad that I can only wear them when I know I'm not doing anything with my wife.
Now, the reversible zip-up blue vest. This side is blue elephant print and shiny like a fish.
This is the reversed side. As you can see, it zips up all the way, which is a great look, and not at all reminiscent of a dark time in our country's history.
And yes, you saw that right. It does have Mars Blackmon glasses printed on the hood.
I can't believe these weren't put in to mass production.