Check Out My New Tattoo

It took me a while to figure out something that I'd want on body for the rest of my life, and I finally decided on this Bulls tattoo. I wanted to get something subtle and unobtrusive to show my support for my favorite basketball team. Plus I can cover it up for job interviews. Definitely not going to regret this.

Flip Saunders Coaches DeShawn Stevenson

Hey DeShawn. Just wanted to let you know that you have several tattoos on your neck. One of them is Abraham Lincoln.

Oh, and there's a couple on your face too. Tattoos. On your face. Just reminding you.

One more thing, you were a -25 tonight. Yeah, the Heat scored 25 more points than us when you were on the court. Not great. The whole "defensive stopper" thing wasn't really happening, I guess. Next time.

But mostly, I just wanted to remind you about the tattoos that are on your neck and face, because those are still there.

Thanks, DeShawn.

Things I Would Say If I Ever Encountered DeShawn Stevenson

Photo via Truth About It

• "Oh, hey. You're DeShawn Stevenson."
• "Wow. There's a tattoo on your throat."
• "I bet that hurt."
• "Is that Abe Lincoln?"
• "Hmmm..."
• "Oh, there's a crack on your forehead."
• "What's that about?"
• "So, you don't crack, but you got a crack tattoo?"
• "I'm kinda confused."
• "You're saying the only way you crack is if you decide to crack yourself with ink?"
• "I guess it kinda makes sense when you put it that way."
• "What about in the winter, when your skin is really dry? I crack like crazy then."
• "Chapstick helps."
• "Not sure I get the 9 on your face."
• "No, that's not right."
• "No matter how far away I am, it's still a 9."
• "Seriously."
• "It's still a 9 from here."
• "I really don't get your tattoos."
• "Anyways, nice to meet you. Good luck with your face and neck tattoos."