Real Cool, Marcin Gortat

I see you Marcin, playing for Poland in the FIBA tournament. We all see you, but that's the point isn't it? You of the 34 million dollar contract which you apparently used to buy custom red shoes. Subtle.

And that's fine, man. You can spend your money how you want. I assume you already broke ground on your pool that you'll fill with caviar or whatever. Maybe put some gold coins in there too. I don't care. I'm sure you'll buy some cars since you so readily remind everyone that you drive the fastest car in the NBA. You always have had a special knack for ostentatious wealth.

That's all well and good. You're a multi-millionaire, so you should enjoy it. But to rub your NBA status in the face of your competition is pretty wackadoodle, bro. Couldn't you have just worn regular socks like, you know, every other player in the tournament. Basically all of Spain has been in the NBA at some point, and they just wear white socks. You don't see Bostjan Nachbar wearing NBA socks and he won't shut up about that one time he scored 29 points against the Rockets. He calls it "Boki's Revenge," but that's irrelevant right now.

The point is, take off your NBA socks. And the wristband. We get it. You're in the NBA. You don't have to make everyone else self-conscious about the league they're playing in.

And for the record, it's Martin, with a T. Jerk.

Endorsement Opportunity for Marcin Gortat

Look guys, the economy. You've heard about the economy I assume. It's not being very economical, if you know what I mean. I mean that it's not doing good. Wish it were doing better. Wish it had more money. Wish it had more econoME. Stocks and bonds. Buy low, sell high. Satellite transmissions to cellular telephones. Things like that. As such, I've decided to open a consulting business for NBA players. Basically, I will take a lesser known player and set them up with appropriate endorsement deals. In return, these players will pay me a 7% commission, and also give me free things like shoes, various sporting goods, and movie tickets to first-run movies. It's pretty fair, I think. After all, these endorsements will make the players millions, even after taking out my 7%. Not to mention, they wouldn't be seeing that money without my help anyways, because I'm going to be DIGGING DEEP for these endorsements.

Just as a teaser, here's a proposal I've put together for Orlando's Marcin Gortat. I want to pair him up with Lowell Foods.

The best quality foods from Poland and the best quality basketball player from Poland? Perfect match. Marcin Gortat will GLADLY tell you a story about sesame seeds and honey, he was raised on the stuff.

Here are some products that we'll put his face on, and what I'd propose as slogans:

Headcheese - "Because it exists."Herring Fillets with Onions in Brine - "If you don't like your fish in a salty brine with onions, then you don't really like fish."Seasoned Pork Lard with Pork Added - "The only thing that makes pork lard better is adding pork."Prune and Whole Grain Yogurt - "Like grapes, but grosser. Also, grains because yogurt was too creamy."

This is a win-win. Lowell Foods gets Marcin Gortat, the best Polish player ever. Marcin Gortat gets sacks of money and all the pork loaf he can eat. I've already talked to President and C.E.O. Conrad Lowell and he is understandably ECSTATIC about the idea.

Let's make this happen.

One of These Things is Not Like the Others

Concentration-wise.