May 29, 2009
May 28, 2009
Headcheese - "Because it exists."Herring Fillets with Onions in Brine - "If you don't like your fish in a salty brine with onions, then you don't really like fish."Seasoned Pork Lard with Pork Added - "The only thing that makes pork lard better is adding pork."Prune and Whole Grain Yogurt - "Like grapes, but grosser. Also, grains because yogurt was too creamy."
This is a win-win. Lowell Foods gets Marcin Gortat, the best Polish player ever. Marcin Gortat gets sacks of money and all the pork loaf he can eat. I've already talked to President and C.E.O. Conrad Lowell and he is understandably ECSTATIC about the idea.
Let's make this happen.
May 27, 2009
May 26, 2009
THE REASON WHY JR Smith copies famous celebrations is because if he were left to his own devices, he reverts to acting like Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson from the motion picture EdTV.
- Using bullet points is a good way of making important information stick out.
- So is bolding random words.
- RANDOMLY CAPITALIZING words is also effective for drawing attention to notable happenings. It is called HODGMANCASE.
May 22, 2009
Hope he isn't the next Michael Sweetney.
Hope he isn't the next Oliver Miller.
Hope he isn't the next Nate Dogg. Hope he finds his neck so he doesn't have to be like these guys.
I just don't want to wake up one Saturday morning and turn on the TV while I'm eating scrambled eggs and see a TLC special called "Dwyane Wade a Lot of Pounds." Because if he ends up just as a fat guy who is just a meme, I'll be sad. I don't want him to be the next Frog Baby.Even though I think Dwyane basically dresses like a fancy Steve Urkel (but not Stephon Urquelle) he doesn't deserve to have to shop at the Big and Tall store. Their jeans don't even have any adornments. They're just pieces of straight blue denim, and if Dwyane Wade has to wear those, he'll be pretty mad.
He just needs to get healthy again. Maybe Steve Nash can help.Get better Dwyane Wade. It was nice having you around this year.
May 21, 2009
May 20, 2009
May 19, 2009
May 18, 2009
- Gets rid of constipation.
- Strengthens abdominal muscles.
- Tones up the nervous system and improves memory.
- Promotes sleep and calms anxiety.
- Refreshes the skin. Prevents Skin disorders.
- Improves muscle flexibility.
- Stimulates the breasts to help firmness. Restores any lost elasticity, through stimulation of glands and the strengthening of pectoral muscles.
- Prevents loss of hair and graying.
- Helps reduce fat.
- Reduces abnormal prominence of the Adam's apple.
- Eliminates unpleasant smells from the body.
- Lends grace and ease of movements to the body.
- Revives and maintains the spirit of youthfulness.
- Broadens chest and beautifies arms.
- Makes the spine and waist flexible.
- Produces health, strength, efficiency and longevity.
I'm no expert, but I'm pretty close, so I can safely say that this is only going to be good for Stan. He just needs to remember to think about stretching his spine and breathing deeply. Basic yoga, stuff, really. This is a 5,000 year old art, so I think they know what they're talking about.
May 15, 2009
...1 in 2 children in the Phoenix and Vancouver metropolitan areas is considered obese by medical experts?
...the average child in these two cities eats a little more than four hot dogs per day?
...that because the weather is so beautiful in these two cities that children are invited to more than 600 cookouts a year?
Well, it's true.
I'm a famous point guard, and I need your help. More importantly, the children of Phoenix and Vancouver need your help.
You see, with all these hot dogs and all these cookouts, our kids are getting fat. Really fat. But the LEGALLY REDACTED wants to stop that. Just bring any spare hot dogs you can find to any of our more than 15,000 street corner hot dog collection locations and we'll dispose of those hot dogs with dangerous chemicals.
That's right. We take these fattening hot dogs, throw them in a vat of chemical solution concocted by a team of scientists, and wait. Once enough death dogs have been melted in to the chemicals, we use the sludge as a fertilizer to grow organic carrots. Bring us just 50 donations, and we'll give you your own potato sack full of carrots. It's that easy.
To help spread the word, I drew up this flier. Print it out, give it to your friends, get your carrots. 50 hot dogs equal one bag of carrots. Think of the kids. Think of the carrots.
With your help, we can keep these not so hot dogs out of our kids' hands. And besides a potato sack full of delicious organic carrots, what's better than that?
May 14, 2009
May 13, 2009
May 12, 2009
May 11, 2009
From time to time, I'll be checking in with my cat, Boots with the Fur, to get her thoughts on the playoffs. This is the first of those times.
May 10, 2009
content supplied by BetUS.com
I have been secretly rooting for Kobe to reach the finals. Not because I am a Kobe fan or a Lakers fan, but because I want to see the undisputed top two NBA ballers go head to head for a best out of 4 series.
If I was a NBA betting man I would have to give the edge to Kobe and the Lakers because of their experience and depth but the way Lebron and the Cavs have played a team game there just might not be a way to stop them.
In my generation this will be the first time two players who each have a case to be called the best will go head to head. Now dont get me wrong, but there was always something missing when i watched Michael Jordon in the NBA playoffs...he never played against the best. Magic Johnson in 1991 was past his prime and about to come out with his HIV diagnosis. Clyde Drexler? No. Charles Barkley? Nope. Karl Malone? No Rings. Hakeem Olajuwon? Maybe.
Magic had Bird, which was probably the greatest rivalry in the mid-80s. And Russell had Wilt in the 60s. Wilt was headed out when Kareem came and Walton wasn't there long enough.
There's no dispute now. Kobe and LeBron are one/two in some order, best in the East and best in the West. LeBron's going to get there. But I don't know about Kobe and the Lakers. The Lakers were almost embarassed by Houston. Now they have to deal with the Nuggets. Kobe has to be his best even before he gets to meet the league MVP.
Now all I have to wait for is the Kobe vs Lebron props to be available.
May 8, 2009
Bro, you're money. You are so money and you don't even know it. That's right, Swingers quote in 2009. I don't care if the ladies think it's lame, I'm sticking with it.