May 15, 2009

Help Us Fight Childhood Obesity

Did you know that...

...1 in 2 children in the Phoenix and Vancouver metropolitan areas is considered obese by medical experts?

...the average child in these two cities eats a little more than four hot dogs per day?

...that because the weather is so beautiful in these two cities that children are invited to more than 600 cookouts a year?

Well, it's true.

I'm a famous point guard, and I need your help. More importantly, the children of Phoenix and Vancouver need your help.

You see, with all these hot dogs and all these cookouts, our kids are getting fat. Really fat. But the LEGALLY REDACTED wants to stop that. Just bring any spare hot dogs you can find to any of our more than 15,000 street corner hot dog collection locations and we'll dispose of those hot dogs with dangerous chemicals.

That's right. We take these fattening hot dogs, throw them in a vat of chemical solution concocted by a team of scientists, and wait. Once enough death dogs have been melted in to the chemicals, we use the sludge as a fertilizer to grow organic carrots. Bring us just 50 donations, and we'll give you your own potato sack full of carrots. It's that easy.

To help spread the word, I drew up this flier. Print it out, give it to your friends, get your carrots. 50 hot dogs equal one bag of carrots. Think of the kids. Think of the carrots.

With your help, we can keep these not so hot dogs out of our kids' hands. And besides a potato sack full of delicious organic carrots, what's better than that?

No comments: