1000 Words: Chris Paul is Disintegrating

You guys, I've seen The Ring. He's got no more than 4 days left. Thanks for showing him that tape, Jazz fans. Babies.

Ballin in Space

Ballin in Spain

Ballin in Spa-ee-ain

Whatcha doin' out there teams?

Chris Paul:

That's pretty freaky, Wizards.

Is it cold out in Spain, Wizards?

David West:

You can borrow my jumper if you like, Wizards.

Caron Butler:

Does the cold of Spain make your nipples get pointy, Hornets?

Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to Stern?

I bet you do, you freaky old bastards, you.

Do you have one really funky sequin jump suit, Hornets?

Or do you have several ch-ch-ch-ch-changes?

David West:
Do you smoke grass out in Spain, Wizards?

Or do they smoke Astroturf?

Chris Paul:

Receiving transmission from Caron Butler’s nipple antennae

Do you read me, Caron Butler?

I said, do you read me, Caron Butler?

David West:

This is Hornets to Wizards.
Do you hear me out there, Wiz?

Caron Butler:

This is Wizards back to Hornets.
I read you loud and clear, Buzz.

All three:

OH YEAH MAN!

Chris Paul:

Your signal's weak on my radar screen, How far out are you, man?

Caron Butler:

I'm pretty far out.

All three:

That's pretty far out, man!

Caron Butler:

Oh-ah-oh

I'm orbiting Bilbao

Oh-ah-ohh oh oh

I'm drawn in by its Groovitational

Groovitational pull, I'm jamming out with the Juan Dixonauts
And they think it's pretty cool man.

OOOHHH-AHHHH

Chris Paul:

Are you okay, Wizards, what was that sound?

Caron Butler:

I don't know, man, I have to turn my team around Oh, it's the craziest scene.

David West:

Yeah, I'm picking it up on my NBA screen

Caron Butler:

Can you see the blogosphere ringing?

Both:

To the choir of Ely-nauts singing
Hornets in space
Hornets
Hornets
Hornets
Hornets
Hornets
Hornets
Wizards in space
Wizards
Wizards
Wizards
Wizards
Wizards
Wizards

Eenie, ma-ma-meenie mynie mowie

(Caron Butler: Set your phasers on funky)

Eenie, ma-ma-ma-meenie mynie mowie

B-b-b-b-b-ballin in Spain

Inspired by this. Obviously.

Where Are They Now?: Gold Medal Point Guards Edition

Jason KiddAfter spending time over seas, Jason was amazed by Asian culture. He has since ordered his own set of Anime Eyes.

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Dwyane Wade

Dwyane recently made history as the first African-American, non-employee to attend a Florida Marlins baseball game.

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Chris Paul

Chris has taken to modelling. You can see him here, sporting a jersey my sister would have worn in fifth grade.

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Deron Williams

Deron has spent time relaxating and keeping the snakes away from his seed.

Occasional Observations on Several Subjects

‘Twas a long weekend at Blowtorch base camp and I need to clear my brain of all thought basketball and non-basketball before I can go back to making jokes about basketball.

Glow in the Dark Tour:
Why wasn’t the order Rihanna, N.E.R.D., Lupe, Kanye? I think that’s what everyone wanted since we were in Chicago.

Lupe’s set was too short and he gave too much of his time up to his cronies who won’t do anything ever. He kind of seems like the guy who will do contrarian things just to be different. If he wasn’t such a good rapper, I’d probably hate him.

Pharrell wants to be a Rock Star (rather than a general superstar, which he is) so, so, so badly it’s funny. However, what he doesn’t realize is that drum solos are an assault to rock sensibilities everywhere. Furthermore, his subject matter is a hyper-sexualized update on 50s themes. Dancing, being “bad,” and going crazy are old hat.

I wonder if Common is sad that he is relegated to being a backup dancer for a glorified rock side project during his home city’s biggest hip-hop show of the year.

Chris Brown was FREAKING OUT when he was onstage with N.E.R.D. but didn’t appear during Rihanna’s “Cinderella.” Love on the rocks? Ain’t no big surprise.

Here’s a fun debate, worst dancer in hip-hop: Kanye, Lupe, or Pharrell?

It’s highly likely that Kanye fired someone after his mic didn’t turn on for the first four bars of “Homecoming.” Tough break.

According to the fiancée, Kanye was wearing some sort of jacket tied around his waist but it definitely looked like a skirt. I’m all for innovation but looking like a homosexual “California Love” extra isn’t a good look.

New part for “Hey Mama” gave me chills.

Best part of the concert, during the “leave yo a** for a white girl” part of “Gold Digger,” a large black guy pointed right at my fiancée. Awesome.

Sunday
I got in two big basketball debates at the annual barbecue: 1. Chris Paul could be the best point guard ever 2. NBA vs. NCAA. My extended thoughts follow.

On Chris Paul: I have a good sense of history of the game. I respect everything that’s been done and the legends and all that. But the season that Chris Paul just had was off the charts. It’s impossible to ignore that he has the potential to become the best point ever. However, that’s the sort of argument you can’t win. There’s no way to predict injuries. There’s no way to know if the Hornets franchise will cut payroll leaving CP by himself. But I can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to be legendary.

My buddy argued that the NCAA is better than the NBA for the worst reason ever. He said the NBA is inferior because there is a rule in place that prevents help defenders from staying in the lane. That’s it. He doesn’t like the NBA because it doesn’t allow for fundamental help defense. He didn’t see my point that that equates with good defenders being able to get to the help line even quicker, but I’m guessing that’s because he’s an idiot.

The NBA vs. NCAA debate is settled by choosing which side you’re on, talent or hustle. It’s that easy. If you like talent, you’re an NBA fan. If you like hustle, you’re an NCAA fan. There’s no other realm that the NCAA touches the NBA in, other than hustle. Could that be because the season is 1/3rd as long? Hmmmm……

That's all. Back to your regularly scheduled jokes about foreigners.

Chris and Tony, Friends Forever

Tony Parker: Ey-uh, Crease, I vreally like-a yore floata. Ees bootyfull. Ees berry BERRY sexies.


Chris Paul: Ummm, uh, thanks Tony.


Tony Parker: Yes, Crease, ees a so bootyfull. I-ah wanna oose ze floata too. Das okay, yes?


Chris Paul: Yeah. Right on. Whatever, man.


Tony Parker: Oh, Crease Paul. So genruss. So nice. BAGUETTE!


Chris Paul: .....


Tony Parker: You don't-a want-a baguette? You don't-a like-a baguette? Das alright, Tonay Parcare jussa stand-a like you, Crease Paul. I standa just like-a ze bootyfull Crease Paul. Too sexies!


Chris Paul: .....


Tony Parker: You wanta to sex-a my wife?

Chris Paul vs. George Clooney

Chris Paul is insanely good, this you know. What you may not know is that today is his birthday. What you also might not know is that he shares a birthday with one George Clooney. With that in mind, let's compare the two:

There you have it. Though Paul's abilities have skyrocketed him to the top of the NBA, he still cannot top the Legend of Clooney. The score may be 4-3, but it's not that close; Clooney easily dominates in the earnings and women categories, two things that are mighty important in both the entertainment and sporting realms.