February 3, 2009

Utah Jazz Fans Are Such Babies

Oh, please, Utah Jazz fans. Stop being such stupid babies. You're always whining about pureed carrots, or Chris Paul, or that you need a nap. Enough already.

I mean, seriously, stop acting so infantile. We're all grown-ups here. Well, except for you. I can't believe how immature you're being about all of this.

Yeah, great, you have a Carlos Boozer jersey. I guess that explains why you cry so much. Could you please stop with the crying? No, Deron Williams is not better than Chris Paul and I will not get you your blanket. I offered to get you your blanket earlier and you said you were hot. Make up your mind.

I've had just about enough of your neediness and approval-seeking behavior. Not to mention that your grasping reflex is endlessly frustrating. And the tantrums. PLEASE stop with the tantrums. You look like an idiot. I don't know how many different ways I can explain that Paul Millsap is just as good as Carlos Boozer, so stop crying. You can burp yourself if that's how you're going to act.
You are so selfish. When was the last time you fixed me a meal? Or admitted that Matt Harpring wasn't good? I can tell you: never. Would it kill you to feed me some strained peas from a tiny glass jar?

Seriously, I'm not getting your blanket no matter how loud you cry. You've got your binky, isn't that enough? Of course it isn't. It never is for you. Let me guess, you want me to tell you that you can win a championship this year. That's it, right? Well too bad.

You've got a lot of growing up to do.


Anonymous said...

if you knew most utah fans, you'd know that Harpring has been acknowledged as sucking for a couple of seasons now.

Anonymous said...

I have officially decided that you are a loser.

utahboozer said...

I'm a Jazz fan, and I think this shit is hilarious!

I would put money on you winning in a fight against Bill Simmons.

Next time you roll into SLC, I'll buy your first beer and we can discuss all this and more.

Anonymous said...

Moron + Blog = Bad.

Anonymous said...

"You've got a lot of growing up to do."

Strong Irony

Anonymous said...

Utah Jazz fans are babies but you are just as bad.

Seriously how old are you?

goathair said...

Hey Jazz fans, you do realize that there's a picture of a baby up there, right? That was the joke, but not you're actually acting like babies. IRONY.

I'm 6.

utahboozer said...

Trust me, goathair. I got it.

goathair said...

Yes, you did. I liked that.

Spencer said...

I am a Jazz fan as well and concur that this is funny

utahjazzbball.blogspot.com check out the weekly podcast.