June 29, 2007
June 28, 2007
I just want to get this out there so I can go 30 for 30. Of course that won't happen since there will probably be trades galore, but whatever. And thanks to a stupid rec league game I'll miss most of the draft. Not awesome.
- Portland - Greg Oden
- Seattle - Kevin Durant
- Atlanta - Al Horford
- Memphis - Mike Conley, Jr.
- Boston - Corey Brewer
- Milwaukee - Jeff Green
- Minnesota - Joakim Noah
- Charlotte - Nick Young
- Chicago - Yi Jianlian
- Sacramento - Brandan Wright
- Atlanta - Acie Law IV
- Philadelphia - Al Thornton
- Charlotte - Thaddeus Young
- L.A. Clippers - Julian Wright
- Detroit - Rodney Stuckey
- Washington - Jason Smith
- New Jersey - Josh McRoberts
- Golden State - Derrick Byars
- L.A. Lakers - Javaris Crittenton
- Miami - Sean Williams
- Philadelphia - Tiago Splitter
- Charlotte - Morris Almond
- New York - Wilson Chandler
- Phoenix - Marco Bellinelli
- Utah - Rudy Fernandez
- Houston - Gabe Pruitt
- Detroit - Alando Tucker
- San Antonio - Arron Afflalo
- Phoenix - Petteri Koponen
- Philadelphia - Aaron Gray
- The first two picks will be named Greg and Kevin. Terribly boring names.
- I like Jeff Green and Corey Brewer a lot more than Al Horford, but Horford is a beast.
- Horford's dad's name is Tito. That's fantastic.
- This draft makes next year's Rookie Vs. Sophomore game the must see event of the season. Seriously, the roster could be:
Bench: Green, Noah, the Wrights, Acie Law IV, Yi
Sure, Durant and Oden will be in the All-Star game, but even then the Rookie team will be ridiculous.
- Sleepers: Arron Afflalo, Zabian Dowdell, Alando Tucker, Nick Fazekas (he'd be great on the Suns)
- Busts: Spencer Hawes, Javaris Crittenton, Julian Wright
- Guys I really hope go in the first round: Afflalo, Tucker
- Guys I'm high on right now: Derrick Byars, Jeff Green, Joakim Noah, Nick Young
- Guys I don't like right now: Julian Wright, Brandan Wright
- Guys who's jersey I'd consider buying: Oden-Blazers, Durant-Sonics, Brewer-Celtics, Noah-Bulls, Kopponen-anybody
June 27, 2007
June 26, 2007
After yesterday's terribly long title, I got busy determining which NBA players could be politicians, based on name alone. Here's what I found:
Presidential Candidates (current)
Presidential Candidates (days of yore)
Linton Johnson III
Members of Parliament
June 25, 2007
I’m firmly in the pick Greg Oden first camp. I think Durant is a fantastic player and he’s going to be terrific. He and Oden will dominate the NBA for 15 years, and then retire to play chess against each other. However, as it’s been said over and over, big men win championships. Shaq or Duncan have played in every NBA Finals since that one guy retired the second time, and there’s really no reason why big men won’t continue to dominate championships. Even in the college ranks Florida just won two straight titles with what might be the best frontcourt ever. Bigs are important.
That being said, there’s a definite logjam in the Blazers frontcourt. They have Zach Randolph, LaMarcus Aldridge, Joel Przygorilla, the corpse of Jamaal Magloire, Ronald McDonald, Jaws from the James Bond movies, that huge giant from Big Fish, former Benedictine Eagle center Will Crawford, an Amazonian refugee, the Jolly Green Giant, an actual gorilla, and Raef Lafrentz. It’s pretty obvious that someone needs to be moved to make room for Son of Bill Russell. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to pick up a wing guy who is good at playing basketball (the whole basis for the Draft Durant movement). Currently, the vaunted triumvirate of Darius Miles, Fred Jones, and Martell Webster has been slow to impress precisely because they are Darius Miles, Fred Jones, and Martell Webster.
Thankfully, there is hope. As a blog reader, you may have heard that Zach Randolph is sort of available. By available I mean that the Trailblazers front office is considering taking him to his favorite strip club, saying they have to go to the bathroom, and sneaking out and not returning his calls. I’m not entirely sure this is true, but if I heard it on the internet it must be true. Of course, if they can pull off this tricky maneuver, they’d still have his fat contract on their salary cap, so why not just trade him instead. Perhaps to New Jersey for Richard Jefferson? According to the trade machine it works, plus both teams are trading players who look like dinosaurs from Jurassic Park; something that I think is covered in the collective bargaining agreement.
If that happens, New Jersey has a lineup looking like this:
If they resign Mikki Moore, they have a solid bench with him, Marcus Williams, Josh Boone, Jason Collins, and whatever human they draft with the 17th pick (Thaddeus Young, perhaps). In the abysmal Eastern Conference, that’s a team that could compete with the Bulls, Cavs, Pistons, and Heat.
If I’m the Blazers (and I do drive a Trailblazer), I’m trying my best to figure out how to build around Oden, Aldridge, and Brandon Roy. That’s a nucleus that will be upper-echelon for a long time.
June 22, 2007
At least Kevin Garnett had the common sense to realize that playing for the Celtics would have been awesome 20 years ago. But now? The Celtics are brutality. After the trade, they’d have had Pierce, KG, and a bunch of mutants. Not a good look. So KG now says he wants to go to Phoenix. Really? You want to play for a great team with the best point in the L? Shocking.
I was legitimately obsessed with the Suns during the season, and they’re the second most fun team to watch in the L. However, they’re being idiots and trying to swing a trade where they can keep STAT instead of the Matrix, under the auspices that they don’t want to jeopardize their future. But I really can’t see why you wouldn’t trade Stoudemire, Boris the Spider, and Marcus Banks for Garnett. They’d be left with a rotation like this:
Bench: Leandrinho, James Jones, Jumaine Jones, Jalen Rose, whoever you get with 24 and 29
That’s a team that can beat the Spurs. You have both Garnett and Thomas who can guard Duncan. You have both Marion and Raja who can stick Tonay Parcare. You have 2 young players who will either develop or can be moved for pieces. That gives you a very real shot at a championship, and you’re not totally throwing away the future. Steve Nash isn’t getting any younger, and his back isn’t turning from papyrus into steel. He’s got about 3 years left before he deteriorates, so you have to make moves now that will help you win while you can.
As for the Timberwolves, if you make this trade you have a solid nucleus for rebuilding. A quick look at their adjusted roster:
Julian Wright (#7 pick)
Bench: Juwan Howard, Boris Diaw, Trenton Hassell, Craig Smith, Marcus Banks
Not only is that team far better than last year’s Garnett-led atrocity, there is also room for growth. Diaw is great off the bench and gives you tons of versatility. And say Phoenix’s number 1 for next year (from Atlanta) gets thrown in, then you get another good draft pick and you’re finally on your way towards respectability.
It’s obvious that KG is gone this summer. If I’m Steve Kerr, not only am I trying to put my stamp on the franchise, I’m also trying to win a title while I have Steve Nash running the show. Here’s hoping that something awesome comes of all these rumors.
June 21, 2007
Good Ways to Spend $5,000:
- 5,000 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers
- 100,000 minutes of collect calls
- 333 pairs of Starbury’s
- 33 pairs of Jordans
- 8 Playstation 3s
- 1 time of shooting a gun off at a strip club
- Making it rain
- 34 minutes of Vince Carter playing on your team
Estimated cost of a night out with Stephen Jackson
Fresh white AF1s = $80
Fresh fitted = $35
Crisp denim = $175
Lap dances (20) at $20 each = $400
Various stripper fees = $250
Bottles of Cristal (5) at $500 each = $2,500
Chicken finger baskets (12) at $8 each = $96
Lawyer fees = $12,500
Gun (1) = $250
Shooting gun in air = $5,000 + community service (100 hours)
Total cost = $21,286
June 20, 2007
Since he entered the league I haven’t liked Kobe Bryant. I’m not entirely sure why. Possibly because I don’t really like the number 8, possibly because he’s named after a kind of steak, possibly because his afro kind of weirded me out. I’m not positive why, but I’ve been a Kobe hater for about 10 years.
Until this year, when I actually started to like Kobe a bit. Outside of the Suns, he was the best basketball to watch all season, especially that stretch where he hit 40 in like 5 of 7 games. He was like watching Nick LoGalbo play NBA Live, but with way less growling. Anyways, for the first time since he’s been in the NBA, I was ok with Kobe Bryant.
But now he’s threatening to ruin my life. I can’t imagine the thought of him on the Bulls. Sure I’d actually purchase a basketball jersey again, but he’d destroy the team. In order to obtain him, the Bulls would have to give up at least one of Deng/Gordon/Hinrich (likely 2), this year’s 9th pick, probably Ty Thomas, and some other filler, effectively gutting the roster. I don’t want that.
I don’t want to go to the Eastern Conference finals and watch LeBron and the Jameses versus the Chicago Kobes. I don’t want to never win a title while throwing away everything that Paxson has built the last few years. I don’t want to actually support Kobe Bryant instead of just admiring him. I don’t want a Wizznutzz audiobook about the Bulls (well, the first one was amazing, so that might be ok).
The Bulls are mentioned in every BIG TRADE rumor there is, and there’s a reason for that. They have contracts they can move, they have good young players, and they have picks. Not surprisingly, these are also pieces that help you build a championship team. Sure, maybe the Bulls can get Kobe or KG now and have a little bit better shot of making the Finals for the next two years, but then what? Then you’re left with a team that doesn’t have picks, doesn’t have young talent, and doesn’t have a plan. Or as I like to call it, the Cleveland Cavaliers. No thank you.
June 19, 2007
Aw, man. What was I supposed to do today? Something important…hmmm…I’ma think of it.
OH, SNAP! I gotta find the title for the Escalade. Nah, shorty found it next to the heater in the glovebox. That ain’t it. Gotta be something else. Oh well, I’m going to be the hottest free agent on the market. I’M RICH! Somebody’ll take care of it.
Seriously though, dawg. I know there is something I had to do today. Think Rashard, think.
Try on hats from every NBA team. Check.
Order custom Rashard Lewis jersey of every team from NBA.com. Check.
Reserve gold toilet seat to celebrate max contract. Check.
Get fitted for pants made from the hair of ancient Buddhist monks. Check
MONEY AIN’T A THANG, SON. THIS SUMMER’S TOP FREE AGENT, YA HEARD?!
For rillz, Paul Wall’s already hooking my teeth up with a sick grill. Ain’t much else I’m forgetting. Ah, whatevs. I’ll just throw some cash at whatever I’m forgetting. I’ma holla at my agent.
Ay-o Dutt. You took care a errrything?
Tony Dutt: Absolutely. Mr. Lewis. I told the Sonics you were filing for free agency sometime around Memorial Day.
That’s my dawg. You got my back homie. For rill. You get me outta here, I’ma hook you up. You know I’m for real.
Tony Dutt: Oh yes, Rashard. I know that you are most definitely for real. I still remember that time you took me by Swishahouse headquarters. Whoa boy, what a culture shock!
HAHAHAHAHA. YOU WAS TRIPPIN, B. LIKE YOU AIN’T NEVAH SEEN THAT MUCH ENDO. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Tony Dutt: Well, Mr. Lewis….you’re right. I guess I was a little surprised by the amount of illicit substances that those nice fellows were using.
YOU WAS A GHOST, B. HAHAHA
Tony Dutt: ….yep.
It’s all good, Dutt. You take care a my contract. I’ma take care a you. You take care a my contract. I’ma take care a you. Believe that.
Tony Dutt: Sure thing, Mr. Lewis.
MAKE IT RAIN! Say it Dutt.
Tony Dutt: Make it rain.
MAKE IT RAIN! Peace, homey.
I’m a be so ballin after this summer. Durant ain’t got nothin’ of Shard. BALLLIN!
Phone plays “We Fly High”
What’s good, Dutt?
Tony Dutt: Ummmm…Mr. Lewis…I’m not quite sure how to tell you this….
Get talkin’ quick boy.
Tony Dutt: I, uh, I might not have, um, I might not have told the Sonics you were leaving at the right time.
You playin’, homie?
Tony Dutt: Unfortunately no, sir. The contract stipulations are really confusing. Something about either the end of the season or the playoffs or between June 1st trhough 5th. They’re really hard to understand.
Stop playin’ Dutt. You know I already got the Maybach on the way.
Tony Dutt: Sorry, Rashard. I’m hoping the Sonics will still allow you to be a free agent.
Dutt, I will bust your head if I’m stuck here again. Bust your head, son.
Tony Dutt: ….ummm….I’ll be in touch. Goodbye Rashard.
Don’t call me Rashard, holmes. You don’t know me. I’ma bust your head.
June 18, 2007
June 15, 2007
Possible nicknames for Finals MVP Tony Parker:
- Tonay Parcare
- Sacre Bleu
- the Fabulous Frenchman
- Tony Toni Tone
- Duke of Earl
- Mr. Eva Longoria
- White Flag
- Oui Oui, TP
- Yancey Thigpen
June 14, 2007
Somehow I got my hands on Greg Oden’s morning schedule.
4:30 am – awake without alarm
4:32 am – knees, ankles, hips crack 48 times while slowly rising from bed
4:34 am – puts on sanitary hose
4:35 am – puts on wool socks
4:36 am – puts on plaid slippers
4:39 am – arrive in kitchen after hobbling from bedroom
4:42 am – enjoy a terrific bowl of bran flakes with a 8 oz. glass of prune juice
4:47 am – chug an Ensure
4:50 am – out to peach basket hoop for 2 hours of underhanded free-throw practice
7:00 am – shower, wash hair with Selsum Blue
7:15 am – apply Old Spice liberally to neck
7:20 am – get dressed in short-sleeved button down plaid shirt and brown pants
7:24 am – floss
7:28 am – go outside for morning walk
7:29 am – realize it’s “nippy,” go inside and put on a heavy wool cardigan
7:32 am – go outside for morning walk
7:33 am – realize it’s bright out, go inside and put on oversized grey sunglasses
7:35 am – go outside for morning walk
7:45 am – after 2 times around the block, realize that feet hurt and go inside
7:48 am – drink glass of warm milk and fall asleep watching “Cold Pizza”
8:48 am – nearly have a heart attack while being awakened by Skip Bayless’ shouting
8:50 am – squeeze out 3 drops of urine thanks to enlarged prostate
8:59 am – grab box of Cheez-Its to sit down and watch “The Price Is Right”
9:07 am – sprain hip flexor screaming “ONE DOLLAR!!!!”
9:10 am – become insanely jealous over trailer home won by young 62 year old Martha
9:11 am – doze off dreaming of traveling the world in a trailer home with Martha
9:42 am – violently awaken, check heart to see if it’s still beating
10:00 am – agree with Bob Barker about the necessity of spaying and neutering your pets
10:04 am – be grizzled
10:29 am – begin preparing early bird lunch of liver and onions, a single slice of melba toast, a bowl of dark chocolate chips, and coffee
10:31 am – eat while reading the obituaries
10:35 am – get heartburn from chocolate, remember doctor prescribed an all bland diet
10:49 am – nap
June 13, 2007
I’ve been in the Tim Duncan is the best power forward ever camp for a while; and last night, about halfway through the fourth quarter there was a play that proved it on national television.
Back in the ’98 Finals, there was that sequence where Karl Malone got the ball in the post and Jordan came from the baseline side to swipe it and take the ball down and score to set the Bulls up to win their 6th championship (DYNASTY). Last night, a nearly identical set of events happened. I say nearly because Tim Duncan is better than Karl Malone.
The ball got dumped in to Duncan down low. He was guarded by Varejao and LeBron came baseline to try to swipe the ball, but Duncan moved the ball just enough to not only avoid LeBron’s swipe but to also send him scurrying to recover while Duncan went towards the hoop. Surprisingly, this is something Bill Simmons touched on in his last chat, when a brief discussion of the GPFOAT came up. Simmons even said, “Please like Duncan would have gotten stripped like that on the biggest play in Game 6.” And he’s totally right.
Sure, this wasn’t the deciding game and LeBron James is no Michael Jordan. But this was the most winnable game for the Cavs thus far, and Le-Bro did have the same chance that MJ did. Not only do the rings show that Timmy D is a bigger winner than the Mailman, but little plays like that show how much steadier he is than Malone in crunch time. And when you’re trying to determine the best everness of a player that has to be included.
June 12, 2007
-Dungeons and Dragons
-Endorsing boring shoes
-Growing weird facial hair
-Rock, paper, scissors
-Throwing grapes in the air and catching them in his mouth
-Netflix queue management
-Creating choreography to rap songs out of thin air
-Southeastern United States bird calls
-Separating the good tasting Jelly Bellys from the ones that are really gross
-That game where you put your hands on top of someone else’s and they try to slap you before you can move.
- Straightening picture frames
-Winning NBA Championships
June 7, 2007
On today’s Basketball Jones podcast, Skeets and Tas have just about every big sports blogger call in and make their prediction about the NBA Finals. They all predict the Spurs and I’m in the same boat. No matter how good Le-Bro is, his supporting cast just isn’t good enough to help him overcome San Antonio.
Dan Shanoff off-handedly mentions that this Cavaliers team is similar to Allen Iverson’s 76ers squad that stole a game from the Lakers back in 2001, and I had been thinking the same thing all morning. Here areach team's rotation (only players who play significant minutes):
2001 Philadephia 76ers
2007 Cleveland Cavaliers
As you can see, these two teams are eerily similar (Eric Snow is still terrible). Both teams are designed around the concept that their defense will be good enough that their star can win the game. Both teams are full of staunch defenders who rely heavily on the play-making ability of Iverson or James. Both teams have a coach with the last name Brown.
Looking back, it’s surprising how bad that 76ers team really was. Seriously, they don’t have a single jump-shooter in the bunch. Mutumbo was only elbows and an indecipherable accent at that point, and Tyrone Hill, Jumaine Jones, and George Lynch all sound like randomly generated names from NBA Live. At least Larry Brown had the good sense to keep Todd MacCullough, Kevin Ollie, and pre-skills Raja Bell on the bench for the majority of the series. It’s really shows how amazing and competitive Allen Iverson was that he could steal a game (on the road!) against Shaq and Kobe. However, I’m still not convinced that LeBron James is as intense as Allen Iverson; and for Cleveland to have any chance this series he needs to play like he did to close out Game 5.
At best, I can see Cleveland winning games 3 and 4 at home. Sure, Le-Bro could go completely bonky and destroy everything in his path and the Cavs could pull off an enormous upset, but I can’t imagine San Antonio letting that happen. LeBron’s midrange game is still suspect and that’s how to beat the Spurs. I’m taking the Spurs in 5 with Cleveland winning game 3.
June 6, 2007
So the Hot Blogger Contest over at the Ladies... blog has started. I'm terribly under-rated at a 14 seed. Go vote for me immediately. Or else I'll wish a curse upon your household.
The AFC North
#1 Sports Gone South vs. #22 My Sports Talk
#2 Burnt Orange Nation vs. #21 The Music Blogger Guy
#3 Paul Shirley vs. #20 David Parrish
#4 Being Sven vs. #19 Run Up the Score
#5 Needs More Meat vs. #18 joesportsfan.com
#6 Dawg Sports vs. #17 Pop Jocks
#7 East Coast Bias vs. #16 The Legend of Vincent Tremblay
#8 Jack Cobra vs. # 15 The Wade Blogs
#9 And Here Come the Pretzels vs. #14 Jibblescribbits
#10 I Want to Be a Sports Agent vs. #13 Shot to Nothing
#11 The Big Picture vs. #12 Ghosts of the Garden
The Mid-Atlantic Conference
#1 Dan Shanoff vs. #22 Five Tool Fool
#2 Kermit the Blog vs. #21 The Pittsburgh Dish
#3 On the Show vs. #20 Smooth as Sandpaper
#4 A Pudge is a Sandwich vs. #19 If I Ran…
#5 Blumpkins for All vs. #18 Dropping Dimes
#6 Half-Fast vs. #17 WBRS Sports Blog
#7 MMP, Kissing Suzy Kolber vs. #16 The Extrapolator
#8 One More Dying Quail vs. # 15 The Happy Recap
#9 Sportszilla vs. #14 The Big Lead
#10 The Orioles Review vs. #13 It’s Still Football
#11 Manning Family Reunion vs. #12 Signal To Noise
The Campbell Conference
#1 Every Day Should Be Saturday vs. #22 The Musings of G-Money
#2 Too Much Sports vs. #21 Moderately Cerebral Bias
#3 Holy Dog Water vs. #20 Larry Brown Sports
#4 Lets Go Buff-a-lo vs. #19 Blown Coverage
#5 NFL Fanhouse vs. #18 Our Book of Scrap
#6 Sammy’s Sports Sermons vs. #17 A Price Above Bip Roberts
#7 East Coast Bias vs. #16 Troy Nunes is...Magician
#8 Dodgy at Best vs. # 15 The Ghost of Wayne Fontes
#9 MGO Blog vs. #14 the Blowtorch
#10 Sunday Morning Quarterback vs. #13 The Series Tip
#11 Pop Jocks vs. #12 Digital Headbutt
The National League West
#1 Deadspin vs. #22 The Ghost of Wayne Fontes
#2 Pittsburgh Sports and Mini-Ponies vs. #21 The Futon Report
#3 Awful Announcing vs. #20 Dave’s Football Blog
#4 You Been Blinded vs. #19 Hoover Street Rag
#5 It’s Still Football vs. #18 Eye on Foxborough
#6 Red Sox Stats Guy vs. #17 Kevin, With Leather
#7 Just Call Me Juice vs. #16 Breaking the Press
#8 Ray’s Index vs. # 15 Milk Was a Bad Choice
#9 The Fanhouse Alabama vs. #14 Flyer’s Fieldhouse
#10 Fan IQ vs. #13 Up for Sports
#11 289, With Leather vs. #12 Kentucky Sports Blog
June 5, 2007
In case you didn’t know, Greg Oden is an absolute freak. Dude destroyed Kevin Durant in their individual workouts. He didn’t participate in the bench press (to avoid reinjuring his wrist) and still did as many reps as Durant (0). I’m really impressed with how quick Oden is. But that makes me wonder; a lot of times at Ohio State it looked like he was really slow to get up the court. Now that we know that he really can move, doesn't it make you question how hard he was really playing?
Now I can see that he doesn't want to get hurt before he turns pro, especially after he broke his wrist. But it definitely puts a little doubt in my brain that he was really killing himself to win like Kevin Durant was. Furthermore, the few times where Oden really cut loose (the Tennessee block, the Georgetown dunk attempt, and the national title game), he was a superhuman. I don't think that the possibility that he wasn't possessed in college (which he wouldn't have had to attend if not for Stern) is any reason to pass over him in the draft. These workouts just prove what a monster the TrailBlazers will be getting.
June 4, 2007
So it’s Spurs-Cavs in the Finals. I suppose that’s for the best. San Antonio is awesome to watch and appreceiate basketball in a very geometric way. Cleveland has LeBron, Boobie, and that’s about it. Still anything is better than suffering through another Detroit series.
Detroit is that very rare team that has nothing to interest me. Rasheed Wallace used to be one of my favorite players, but all the excitement is gone from his game. You know he’s going to drift outside and jack threes, you know he’s going to freak out, and you know he’ll play pretty good defense. Zzzzzzzzz. The only other player of any consequence to me is Jason Maxiell, and his playing time is impossible to count on. I like that when he gets the ball he tries to tear the rim off, but you can’t really count on him at all. Delfino can be exciting, but I don’t care. Rip and Chauncey are boring unless they’re shooting half-court shots, and Webber and McDyess are just depressing.
So farewell Detroit Pistons. It was nice when you beat the Lakers in 2004, but since then you’ve done nothing for me. At least you don’t have those horrible uniforms anymore.
June 1, 2007
Seriously, I missed the LeBron James Explosion last night to play for my men's league team. We lost by 18 after trailing by 31. What a serious disappointment. Lizzy said, "LeBron is a beast" to me last night, but I had no idea until I turned the TV on this morning. Insanity.
Thanks for nothing LeBron. Why'd you have to finally care about a game when I couldn't see it?
Here's all the best links so far:
- The Fanhouse
- YAY! Sports
- Golden State of Mind
- The Basketball Jones
- NBA Basketball and Other Unrelatedness
- True Hoop
They better replay this on ESPN Classic.