Stephen Jackson Joins the Bobcats

Wait.

I'm for real a Bobcat?

Like really? Like I play for the Bobcats now? That's for real?

Dag, yo.

And this my uniform? With like, the stripes but then sometimes no stripes? And this trim stuff that's like 18 different colors? For serious?

Dag, yo.

This is MESSED up. I was like "yo trade me Nellie," but I didn't mean to the Bobcats. Not cool, man. I was like hoping to get on a good team or something. But the Bobcats?

Dag, yo.

Yo, who plays guard around this piece? Who Murray? Flip? That his real name? Grown man call himself Flip. That ain't right. Forget it mang, I'ma play for y'all. I can do that, for...for you. But I'ma shoot. "Flip" Murray think he the only guard with a goatee and headband that gonna shoot, he's outta his mind.

THERE'S A DUDE NAMED BORIS ON THIS TEAM?? This ain't no Rocky and Bullwinkle type joke right? For real. His name is Boris?

Dag, yo.

At least he big though. Must be able to dunk something fierce.

He can't dunk?? For real? Man 6 foot 8 and can't dunk. You serious?

Dag, yo.

I guess y'all need scoring, right? Stephen Jackson can score for you. Stephen Jackson going to score for you. Like for real. Like lots of scoring for you. I'ma get my shots. Don't you worry. I'll do it for you, Bobcats.

Dag, yo.

The Bobcats...for real.

Stephen Jackson, Behind the Numbers

Good Ways to Spend $5,000:
- 5,000 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers
- 100,000 minutes of collect calls
- 333 pairs of Starbury’s
- 33 pairs of Jordans
- 8 Playstation 3s
- 1 time of shooting a gun off at a strip club
- Making it rain
- 34 minutes of Vince Carter playing on your team

Estimated cost of a night out with Stephen Jackson
Fresh white AF1s = $80
Fresh fitted = $35
Crisp denim = $175
Lap dances (20) at $20 each = $400
Various stripper fees = $250
Bottles of Cristal (5) at $500 each = $2,500
Chicken finger baskets (12) at $8 each = $96
Lawyer fees = $12,500
Gun (1) = $250
Shooting gun in air = $5,000 + community service (100 hours)
Total cost = $21,286