My Entire Birthday Wish List

I was recently asked what I want for my birthday this year. Christmas has just passed, so I really have no idea what else I could possibly ask for. I've wanted the Penny 2s since I was in eighth grade, and as I type they're on my feet.

I have all the seasons of The Office (UK and US) and Arrested Development. I even got a grill this year. Sure, it'd be nice to have every season of The Wire, but I've got to rewatch seasons 1 and 2 before I'm even worried about those. I've got a wife, a house, and a cat named Boots. A man couldn't ask for more.

Or so I thought.

Recently Mr. Larry Hughes decided he wouldn't mind being traded from the Bulls. You know who else wouldn't mind? The Bulls. And you know who else? Everyone. I'm sure you've heard of them. They make up every person on the planet.

Now, I'm not one to disparage Larry for the work he's done for his family, which is commendable. He's even been a fairly good teammate this year, especially while he was injured. And of course there's his contributions to the Foundation for Men with Small Craniums. All of these are great, great things that make Larry Hughes harder to hate.

I'm not a superstitious man, but this year's trade deadline is on my birthday and it seems a little too perfect that my all-time least favorite player of all time could be traded then. So this is what I want for my birthday; for John Paxson to wait just a little bit. Trade Larry Hughes on my birthday. That's not too much to ask, right?

Pau Gasol Does His Kevin Garnett Impression

AHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

AH

AH

Bahskeetbowl.

AHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHH

AHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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If My Groomsmen Were NBA Players

In general, I don't do the "If Such-and-Such Were This-and-That" type of posts. They're a little too easy for my taste, and basically designed to get lots of easy links. I don't think that'll be a problem with these comparisons, as they're funny to no one but me. But it's my weblog, so indulge me, please.

Here's us:Here's our NBA look-a-likes:

That's me in the middle. Obviously.

1000 Words: Washington's Newest Point Guard

Times are tough in Washington. They've won seven games. They've already fired a coach. Gilbert is out, with no real return date. DeShawn Stevenson insists on wearing a bowtie. It's not a great situation.

But trust me, Mateen Cleaves is NOT the answer.

Chris Mihm Enhances His Personal Brand

It's 2k9 now and I need 2 enhance my personal brand. I'm just a 'regular' dude from Texas [via Wisconsin]. I'm rlllly authentic, and my agent said that's why I 'don't play.'I'm too 'authentic' for the people of Los Angeles, I think. Los AngeBros don't fish.

I luv 2 fish for fish.

Who is the 'real' Chris Mihm? I don't want 2 b 2 mainstream, but I don't want 2 b 'fishing Bro' n e more either.

My Bros (Luke and Sasha and Kwame) said that I need 2 get a girlfriend to be a 'normal' dude. Like a dude who will show up 2 shows and/or events and/or galas with his girlfriend.

Is this 2 mainstream-paparazzicore?

Is she 2 'tanoerxy?' (tan + sexy)

Am I legit?

Am I 2 legit?

Am I 2 legit 2 quit?

Is my collar 2 wide?

Do u think my suit stripes are 2 'Mafiosy?'

N e ways, I don't think flashbulbcore is the look for me. It isn't 'conceptual' enuf 2 get 2 the heart of CaliBros who are used 2 Ed Hardy/Ammy Appy/Fila couture t-shirts.

I decided 2 get tattys (and flannel).

Are my tatts 2 wavey?

Is this flannel too entrylevel Alt?

Does this beard make me look too much like _________________ [RANDOM EUROPEAN CENTER]?

///////I AM THE MIHM ECONOMY///////


(via HRO/CRLS/the Carles/Carleser)

If You Don't Like My Cannolis, Then You Can Just Get Out of My Face

Ey yo, uh guys. Ey guys. I, uh, brought yous guys some cannolis from my mudda. My mudda made these cannolis just for yous guys, so, uh, you best be eatin' these cannolis.

Don't even act like you ain't like no cannolis, capice? If you think y'can just traipse around this here locka room actin' like you ain't like no cannolis, yous guys got anudder thing comin'. Vinny D ain't playin' around. These cannolis, theys pretty great, so eat 'em. Errrybody here's eatin' two, three, four cannoli. I don't care if you ain't even know what cannolis is, cause these cannolis are some real cannolis.


Excuse me. I, uh, I musta misheard you. You say you ain't like my moms's cannolis, Joakim? What, they too decadent and delicious for you, Frenchy? You want that sissy French food that's like a single slice of cheese on a plate with some sauce? FUHGEDDABOUDIT!!! This the real good cannoli, straight outta Italy. You ain't like it, you can get outta my locka room.


Oh, what? What? You gonna do somethin', Frenchy? I didn't think so. Siddown.


Anybody else here got somethin' to say about my mudda's cannolis? No. You don't. So just take your no cannoli eatin' keisters outta my locka room and get warmed up. You ain't want cannolis, you ain't eatin' NOTHIN'! It's as simple as that. If ain't momma's cannoli, FUHGEDDABOUDIT!!


Do not. Even Think. About bringin' some non-cannoli type a food in Vinny D's locka room, less you wanna take it to the mattresses.

Sup, Y'all

Hi, guys. It's me.

You might remember me from this website, but back when it was functional (circa 2k8.9). I've been busy in real life. I bought a house, got married, sailed at least two of the seven seas, and got the best pair of custom Chuck Taylors in existence.

But now I'm back.

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Now, over these last three weeks, due to the above mentioned circumstances, I've seen probably 10 minutes of NBA basketball. I saw parts of quarters 2 and 3 of the Lakers-Celtics game*, which I am aware that the Lakers won. My only other NBA exposure during this time has been a graphic on a Spanish CNN network based out of Denver (really) that depicted Stephon Marbury and the Boston Celtics logo. Since I haven't studied Spanish in at least 8 years, I couldn't make out what was happening; and since my Google Reader is swamped from weeks on inactivity on my part coupled with the hyperactivity of the ShareBro commission I can't quickly find the story. I feel as if I've missed a joke that I should have made months ago, but such is life. The beauty of Marbury is that it's only a matter of time until the next joke arrives.

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So I return to you refreshed, clueless, and trying to balance the creative realizations I had while on a crowded bus travelling to Xunantunich, Belize. This is currently The Blowtorch 2.3, but the phases that might take place could result in a 2.3.1, 2.4, or even 3.0. There are ideas I have which are bigger than any I've undertaken thus far, and after digesting both Outliers and The Watchmen, I would be remisce to not see these through. It is all part of The Blowtorch, and Trey, and Goathair/Goatman. How could they not be? As Salvador Dali siad, "my works are different parts of my personality." And just as he did, I'll wake up and be a little bit more myself every day.

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Oh, and I got the Penny 2s for Christmas. They're spectacular.

*Strangely, this occurred on two different nights as the game was replayed the following night at about 2am.