My First Acting Role

As y'all know, I've been trying to break in to 'show business' for quite some time. In February of last year, I wrote/directed/produced/starred in The Brad Miller Show (returning SOON, probably) which was a pretty big hit on the Internet. A lot of people compared it to the fourth season of The Wire, because it was so beautifully shot and authentic. Apparently, my work on TBMS opened some eyes, because just this weekend I co-starred in CSI: Miami with Pau Gasol of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Bros.

It was pretty chill. I learned a lot of things about Pau. For instance, he shaves hourly. His 'beard' just grows back that fast. Additionally, he taught me how to make all those crazy faces he makes. (I was a stunt double and had to be able to perfectly mimic him.)

Nailed it.

He says it's all in the sternocleidomastoid. That neck muscle gives Pau a lot of facial power and expressiveness. It was really interesting to learn 'crazy face' from a pro.

I also found out a bunch of inside info from Lakers training camp:

• Lamar Odom uses a Magic 8-Ball to make every decision in his life.
• Andrew Bynum smells like Listerine.
• Luke Walton likes soda.
• Phil Jackson's car is green.

Pretty invaluable stuff. I'm really glad I had this opportunity, and I hope that my performance opens the door for bigger and better acting roles. I really think I have a future in 'the Biz'.

"If you can make it in the suburbs of Chicago, you can make it anywhere." - Trey Kerby, October 15, 2009

A Few Replacement Referees Hold a Meeting

Shh shhh. Here comes Todd.

Are you serious? That guy is driving me insane.

Hey guys! Let's call some FOULS!

Hey, Todd.

Hey.

Fouls, guys! Let's call 'em. (whistles) Illegal strutting.

That's not a thing.

Psssht. (whistles) Inadvertent silliness.

C'mon, Todd.

(whistles) Excessive sweating. This is SO MUCH FUN!

Brad Miller Watch: In Da Club

The latest in Brad Miller ephemera...

Seems like a chill bro who's down to hit the club after a day on the links.

Previously

Life at the Blowtorch School for NBA Children

After the success of my in-home consultations, I decided to offer another service to NBA players. Since they are so busy travelling from city to city, we've opened a sort of hostel for the children of the athletes. Their packed schedules don't allow them enough time to see their kids grow up, so we take care of that for them.

Here is our mission statement:

Letting kids play video games is probably good for them, so we let kids play video games.

It's still a work in progress, but the clients seem to support what we're trying to do. It's basically a boarding school, exclusively offered to the children of the super-rich. Just this weekend, Andrei Kirilenko and Kirk Hinrich dropped their boys off at our off-site stadium:

Rick Kirilenko and JaKirk Hinrich

We like to do a lot of stuff away from the home, like play video games in an enormous stadium. We feel that it gets these kids used to the lifetime of scrutiny that comes from having a famous father.

Outside of teaching kids how to be scrutinized and letting them play video games, we have a final step in our program. We only let the kids stay for one season, then they have to move along. Otherwise, we worry that some players would drop their children off, then never pick them up again. However, in that year, we teach them all about money management, drug addiction counselling, and how to shake off the haters. All of these are valuable life skills for an NBA child. Our first class has graduated, so I'd like to congratulate the class of 2009.

Joe Szczerbiak, Frank Tabuse, Brad Miller Jr., Adam Pollard

We feel that this experimental project could revolutionize both education and the NBA. No longer will the players have to worry about the safety of their pesky children, so they can focuse on straight-up ballin'. It's a win everybody.

The Blowtorch School for NBA Children is not an accredited learning institution.

Big Up Yourself, Christopher Columbus

Sup bros. No basketball jokes today. I'm busy ollie-ing some indy nosebones and grinding rails. Might throw a method air in there a little later, but I'm not sure. Just typical skateboarding stuff. You understand.

There He Is

Don't worry guys, I found Sam Perkins. Turns out he stole Busta Rhymes's identity and went to the Great Wall of China with Dave Chappelle.

Typical Sam Perkins.

Shavlik Randolph is Feelin' It

Oh yeah, Shav. Shoot those free throws. Your free throw game is looking tyte, bro. You know it too. I see you, pursing your lips trying to act all nonchalant when it's pretty obvious that this is your thing. Free throws, man. Child's play.

The haircut, the scraggly armpit hair, the dusting of actual arm hair that makes you look like your glowing? Super fresh. Super. Fresh. You look like a regular Michael Doleac out there.

I can't be mad at you, Shavlik. You know what's up. Feelin' it.

Feelin' it.