NBA Finals Game 6 Preview

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Orlando Magic (4-1 LAL, in Los Angeles)

Magic Keys to the Game: Game 6 will be a pivotal game for the Magic. They will need a big game from Dwight Howard, staunch defense by rookie Courtney Lee and Mikael Pietrus, and solid minutes from point guards Rafer Alston and Jameer Nelson. Additionally, coach Stan Van Gundy is going to need to find a way to develop time travel. Of course, if the Magic don't make their free-throws, this game is over before it starts.

Lakers Keys to the Game: Whatever the Lakers do, the biggest thing is that they need to avoid any sort of portal, DeLorean, or wormhole that Orlando might try to use.

Prediction: Considering that the only human to have ever time-travelled is the Lakers' Kobe Bryant, it is unlikely that he will share his secrets with the Magic. If they can't find a way to go back in time and change the past, without jeopardizing the future, this series is over.

2009 Contests In Which Dwight Howard Finished 2nd

NBA Finals

Slam DunkYelling

Cartoonish Arms

Not Being Caressed by Tyronn Lue

Shirt Wearing

A Couple of Bros Win an NBA Title

Bro, we totally won the title, bro.

For real, bro.

Bro, check out this trophy.

Heavy, bro.

Can you believe it, bro? It's like meeting a fly honey who wants to party, AND THEN YOU PARTY. Unbelievable, broski.

No kidding, bro. My pops is always like, "winning a title is the best feeling in the history of the world and Western civilization." I'm always like, "psssht whatevs." But he wasn't lying, bro.

Yeah, bro.

Do you ever think, like, maybe there's more to life than playing basketball and being chill?

Not really, bro. I just want to wear backwards hats all day and party.

Word up. Let's get crunk.

Proposed Orlando Magic Endorsement Opportunity

Guys, it's the Finals right now and Blowtorch Consulting has been hard at work. I've been putting together deals, making proposals, and using investment strategies. My savvy mind tells me to "strike when the iron is hot" and "any publicity is good publicity." These are business terms I'm using, and if they go over your heard I apologize. But seriously, they work.

Take for instance my latest deal. The Orlando Magic attempted more three-pointers this season than any other team in the league. Some people call shooting a lot of three-pointers a long distance approach. And everyone knows you can use your cellular telephone's satelite transmissions to make long distance phone calls. I talked with Blowtorch Consulting's creative director (me) and we put together this ad campaign for the Orlando Magic Long Distance Connect Package.

It really meshes well with their "more bars in more places" movement. They were even kind enough to include international calling to France. Unfortunately, due to problems concerning the downfall of the Ottoman Empire, calls to Turkey couldn't be included, so that's why you see Hedo over to the left. However, we did like the way that his wandering kinds of made it feel like a more natural happening, rather than a promotion.

If we get this deal confirmed it'll be huge for us. We've already got LeBron signed up, which is huge; but if we can get an entire team like the Magic AND a huge corporation like AT&T, that'll be amazing. Wish me luck, I've got a presentation in Orlando Sunday evening.

RetroTorch: Detroit Water Torture

They were all smiles when Isiah filled Bill's bathtub. It was when he held him underwater that the mood changed.

(via)

The Orlando Magic Prematurely Celebrate the Guy from Wolf Parade's Wedding

1000 Words: Coaching is Easy

While Brian Shaw, Jim Cleamons, and Mitch Kupchak went about their business, Coach for a Day contest winner "Bones" tried his best to fit in by emulating Kupchak's every move. Everything was fine until Kupchak got up to use the airplane lavatory.