Things I Would Say If I Ever Encountered DeShawn Stevenson

Photo via Truth About It

• "Oh, hey. You're DeShawn Stevenson."
• "Wow. There's a tattoo on your throat."
• "I bet that hurt."
• "Is that Abe Lincoln?"
• "Hmmm..."
• "Oh, there's a crack on your forehead."
• "What's that about?"
• "So, you don't crack, but you got a crack tattoo?"
• "I'm kinda confused."
• "You're saying the only way you crack is if you decide to crack yourself with ink?"
• "I guess it kinda makes sense when you put it that way."
• "What about in the winter, when your skin is really dry? I crack like crazy then."
• "Chapstick helps."
• "Not sure I get the 9 on your face."
• "No, that's not right."
• "No matter how far away I am, it's still a 9."
• "Seriously."
• "It's still a 9 from here."
• "I really don't get your tattoos."
• "Anyways, nice to meet you. Good luck with your face and neck tattoos."