Quick Little Bits of Knowledge

• There will be no Blowtorch Presents this week, since it's Thanksgiving. But don't worry, next week will make up for it. There's going to be a new second banana that's not actually a banana. I'm quite excited.
• Not sure if there will be anything happening here Thursday or Friday. I'd say it's a 50/50 proposition.
• Lastly, enjoy not sleeping again. Ever:

Choose Your Own Adventure

SO MANY great options for a caption to this picture that I can't just pick one. Ergo, here's a few choices:

a) This picture would be so much cooler in the year 2000.

b) Ranking levels of irrelevance from left to right.

c) Behind the scenes action from the recent Excessively Groomed Facial Hair Quarterly cover shoot.

d) Drew Gooden + Larry Hughes = Common

e) Provide your own.

For Your Reference: Basketball Nicknames

Wikipedia is a glorious and entirely accurate resource. For Your Reference highlights the best parts of this completely true learning tool. The picture will come from searching for the Wikipedia term in question.First up, the List of Nicknames Used in Basketball.

The List of Nicknames Used in Basketball is quite handy. Perhaps you'd like to buff up on some of the seemingly forgotten AKAs for your favorite players. Maybe you're curious about what people actually called Donyell Marshall. More likely, however, you like laughing and smiling. Those are the best.

I find it most advantageous to break this plethora of sobriquets in to categories to keep them organized. Please note that all the nicknames are taken verbatim from Wikipedia.

Nicknames No One Has Ever Actually Used

• Air Zaire - Dikembe Mutumbo
• Apollo 33 - Jamario Moon
• Big Snacks - Jerome James
• The Blonde Bomber - Dirk Nowitzki
• The Boston Celtic Mascot - Brian Scalabrine
• Boshinator - Chris Bosh
• Flop - Manu Ginobili
• Go Go Gadget Arms - Kevin Garnett
• Ko Ditty Ko - Kobe Bryant
• Mr. Perfect - Jeff Green
• The Money Man - Mehmet Okur
• Nickel - Anfernee Hardaway
• PG2010 - Pau Gasol
• The Riddler - Zydrunas Ilgauskas
• Troy Toy - Troy Murphy

Nicknames Where the Definition is Better Than the Actual Nickname

• Baby Gramps - Greg Oden ("He is a remarkably old looking young man.")
• Baby Shaq - Sofoklis Schortscanitis ("From his alleged resemblance to Shaquille O'Neal, plus he is slightly smaller in size than O'Neal.")
• The Beast - Patrick Ewing ("Due to his appearance.")
• Buffet of Goodness - Channing Frye ("He has described himself as a buffet of goodness because of his all around skills.")
• DaWhite Howard - David Lee ("Reference to him being a white player, and his similar penchant for snarring rebounds ala rebound king Dwight Howard.")
• Hot Plate - John Sam Williams ("Normally referred to as simply John Williams; nickname from his large girth, and to distinguish him from John "Hot Rod" Williams. Both of these John Williams's entered the NBA in 1986 from colleges in Louisiana ("Hot Plate" from LSU, "Hot Rod" from Tulane). ")
• The Italian Stallion - Andrea Bargnani ("Italian translation – 'The Magician'")
• Memo Man - Ramon Sessions ("Because of the career highs he sets every game.")
• The Rain Man - Ray Allen ("His shots always drip, like rain.")
• The 'Stache - Adam Morrison ("For his much-scrutinized mustache.")

Nicknames I Wish I Knew Existed Earlier

• Big Red - Arvydas Sabonis
• Buc the World - Greg Buckner
• Captain Crunch - Jalen Rose
• Earl the Squirrel - Earl Boykins
• Garbage Man - Michael Bradley
• Grits n Gravy - Ricky Davis
• Hungry Hungry Hilton - Hilton Armstrong
• The Rash - Bruce Bowen
• Mongoose Quick Rick - Ricky Davis
• Ghostface - Joel Pryzbilla

Nicknames Created by the Internet

• Agent Zero - Gilbert Arenas
• Kid Delicious - Kevin Durant
• The Armadillo Cowboy - Joe Johnson
• The Poo God - Manu Ginobili
• Timmy Deucecan - Tim Duncan
• The Medicine Man - Chris Quinn

There's a whole lot of goodness over there, have a look and chime in with your favorites.

I've Made a Huge Mistake - Week 3

Mike D’Antoni
- Things were going so well for Pringles. He’s got the Knicks playing over their heads. The team is entertaining. People are starting to forget about the Isiah Thomas Era (NEVER FORGET). Then Donnie Walsh realizes that he’s got some decent players who make lots of money. Money that could be better used on the best player in basketball. Trades were made, money was saved, and now the Madison Square Mustache is left with a team that features Wilson Chandler and Chris Duhon. Plus he has to coach Tim Thomas. Plus he probably has to play Eddy Curry now. Plus Stephon Marbury will keep bugging him about playing time. Plus he could be coaching Derrick Rose. Not the best week for Mike D’Antoni.

Detroit Pistons
- Though the Pistons were the first team to knock off the Lakers, this week made it more apparent that the team is currently not a serious title contender. Losses to the Suns and Celtics proved the Pistons to be out of sorts and have highlighted Michael Curry’s limitations as a coach. It’s hard enough to deal with Rasheed Wallace, but adding AI to the mix can’t help, especially for a first time coach. Of course, it would help if Curry could design a play every once in a while.

Washington Wizards
- The Wizards went 0-4 this past week. They currently rank 24th in offensive efficiency and 28th in defense. Their star player (who hasn’t been 100% since 2007) is saying that he’s okay with rooting for a high lottery pick. Their lone bright spot is a rookie who has averaged 8 points and 5 rebounds a game. They continue to employ Eddie Jordan. The Wizards are not good. On the plus side, at least Gilbert mentioned Kerry Kittles in the foreword to the FreeDarko book.

Ricky Davis
- If Ricky Davis isn’t giving you scoring, he’s not giving you much. In 4 games last week, Ricky scored a combined 9 points on a combined 23 shots. However, he did lead the Clippers to their lone win of the week, by going 0-5 with 0 points. Of course, he’s now their starting two guard after the trade of Cuttino Mobley.

Andres Nocioni
- A thirty percent success rate in major league baseball is phenomenal. In the NBA, it’s Andres Nocioni. And it’s not good. But still, Nocioni shoots, and still, Vinny Del Negro plays him heavy minutes. But hey, he hustles, right?

Great Successes in NBA Basketballing - Week 3

Greg Oden
- Not only did Greg Oden make it through another week in the NBA without being injured, he’s also started playing some basketball. He followed a 22 point, 10 rebound victory against the Warriors with a second double-double the next night against the Bulls. Sure, he didn’t really do much against the Kings or Suns, but it’s just nice seeing him on the court. Well, it’s good that he’s playing. He’s still pretty terrifying to actually look at.

Dwyane Wade
- For the week, D-Wade averaged 31 points, 9 assists, 4 rebounds, 2 steals, and 3 blocks. Averaged. For a week. Dwyane Wade is in another stratosphere right now. There were some doubts that his Olympic showing was simply a matter of playing with superior teammates, but he’s proven that completely false. The Heat are playing pretty decent ball so far this season, and Dwyane Wade is the catalyst.

Donnie Walsh
- Just like the Heat, the Knicks are overachieving to start the season. That being said, head honcho Donnie Walsh realizes that this team is playing for a more important prize: LeBron James. Over the weekend, Walsh rid himself of $27.5 million in an obvious power play for the services of James in 2010. With the Nets stadium in limbo, the Knicks become that much more attractive to the league’s biggest star. Walsh has put himself in the running while not completely jeopardizing the progress that Mike D’Antoni has made this year.

Stephon Marbury
- While still 4th on the Knicks depth chart behind such luminaries as Anthony Roberson and Cuttino Mobley, anytime a guard leaves the Knicks, Starbury comes that much closer to the court. It’s not likely that Steph will ever see the court, but maybe he can get some practice time. He’s got fresh legs!

Jamal Crawford
- If ever there were a player destined to play for Don Nelson it was Dirk Nowitzki. But if there were ever a second player destined to play for Don Nelson it was Baron Davis. Somewhere down the line, thought, Jamal Crawford was made for Nellieball. Traded in the midst of his best season while in Mike D’Antoni’s freewheeling offense, Crawford goes to the only place more freewheelinger, the Dubs. His defensive gambling will be embraced, his skinny frame will be exalted, and his lack of conscious will be totally normal.

Marko Jaric
- A quick Wikipedia search confirms that he’s still engaged to Adriana Lima. There remains no bigger stud in the NBA than Marko Jaric.

The Monkey Is In The Basketball!

Why wouldn't it be?



Note: this is an actual show on an actual network.

via Videogum

Stephon Marbury Reacts to the Trade of Jamal Crawford

Ey yo Mike MIKE HEY MIKE is Steph aka the Motherland aka Stephonious aka Stereophonics on the ones and twos aka Peace to Bambaataa you know I hear we traded Jameer Crawfish or whateva and Ima just lettin you know that Stephybaby is ready baby I been workin this game HARD this year mustache you don't even know I been down in the streets gettin this game right like a Republican and Im lookin tight yo no homo but my game is killin right now jus the otha day I put up 35 on fifteen a fitty shooting thats nice mustache but then like I also been watchin Knicks games and know you want us shootin in seven seconds which is NOT a problem trust me so now that we got rid a that Crawster dude Steph ready to play point again the fat dude on the bench is buggin out yo get me away from him but I promise Ill pass to the new wrinkle head cat if he wide open or somethin itll be off the hook son holla.