Great News

1. Brandon Jennings has adopted Armon Gilliam's haircut from a 1991 basketball card.
2. Someone gave Daniel Artest a job.
3. If you Google "armon gilliam flattop," this site is the number one result. I finally made it, Mom.
   

Dirk Nowitzki Has Had Enough of Mark Cuban

Mark Cuban: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU BEING FACETIOUS WITH ME? ARE YOU HAVING A JOKE WITH ME? ARE YOU TEASING ME? ARE YOU JOSHING ME? ARE YOU JASONING ME? ARE YOU THE OTHER JASONING ME? ARE YOU ERICKING ME? ARE YOU JOSEING ME? ARE YOU RODRIGUEING ME? ARE YOU SHAWING ME? ARE YOU RICKING ME? ARE YOU DREWING ME? ARE YOU EDUARDOING ME? ARE YOU DIRKING ME?

I didn't forget you, Dirk. I was saving you for last to really make my point.

Dirk Nowitzki: Was auch immer.

Omri Casspi Shaved His Face

Can we make sure we keep Omri Casspi's razors hidden from him? I thought we had an agreement that we'd do that with all European NBAers anyways. It's in the collective bargaining agreement.


OmBro looks WAY too much like Crispin Glover to be running around all smooth-faced. Next thing you know, Spencer Hawes is going to be collecting even more skulls than usual. And no one is going to sign Andres Nocioni because he gives a weird interview on Letterman.

Get it? Because these are things that Crispin Glover really does and Omri Casspi looks like Crispin Glover. Get your beard back, bro. Crispin Glover is cool and all, but not that cool. And hey, Crispin Glover, you were in Charlie's Angels, you're not that creepy. Relax, Crisp.

But back to Omri Casspi. If he decides to look more like Dean Cain that is acceptable. But good luck with your mediocre career after leaving the place that gave you your start.

DEAN CAIN ZING 2010

A Very Effective Shark Imitation

Michael Beasley: Hey, check me out. I'm a shark. RRRRRRRRROOOWWWWWR. Buh dut. Buuuuh dut. Buuuuh dut. Buh dut buh dut buh dut buh dut SNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Rafer Alston: Hahahahahahhaha. That's funny, man. Is that fin real?

Michael Beasley: Yeah, cuz I'm a shark.

Rafer Alston: Hahahahahahhaha. That's funny, man. Hahahahahahhaha. Man, that's funny, man. Hahahahahahhaha. Oh, sup basketball.

Michael Beasley: SHARKSKETBALL! SNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Kevin Durant's New Arms

I think the fan movement is pretty cool down in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma home of the Oklahoma City Thunder basketball club. Seems like their fans always want their team to do well, and they're super excited to have a team. It's pretty chill.

However, I DO NOT agree with them replacing their best player's arms with thunder sticks just so 'the people' can better identify with him.

I know you're not used to having a basketball team, but one of the first things they teach you at the town meeting the city holds when it's announced that you will be getting a new basketball team is to never replace your star player's arms with any sort of cheering apparatus. That's like Fandom 101, which is offered at any community college. Take a class, guys.

Deron Williams Goes to the Barber

Deron Williams goes in to the barber and says, "give me a stoplight."

The barber says, "stoplight? What are you talking about?"

So Deron Williams says, "you know, red, yellow, green."

And the barber says, "I know what a stoplight is, but it's not a haircut."

Then Deron Williams says, "sure it is. Let my beard go, stop my hair from growing on my temples, and be careful with the top — I don't have much to work with up there."

Some Bros Talk Basketball

Bro, last night was RIDICULOUS.

For real, bro. Crazy.

Kobe, bro.

Bro. Kobe.

I know, bro.

At first I was like, "yoooooooo b, hook it up with the ball." But then I was like, "nice."

Exactly.

Exactly.

Pretty tyte, bro.

For real.

Shannon Brown: What are you guys talking about?