April 11, 2008

The Weakest Link: Orlando Magic

Someone, possibly Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, once said, “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.” I don’t really get what that means, but as the playoffs approach, El Blowtorch will be profiling the worst player on each team’s roster. Then, the players will face off in a simulated one-on-one game of NBA 2K8 if it’s available at Video Villa. Obviously, this will provide the in-depth analysis needed to predict the winners for each playoff series. Up next, the Orlando Magic and all of their back-up big men…

Here is a list of bench players 6’9” and over that have played in games for the Magic this year:

Brian Cook
Pat Garrity
Adonal Foyle
James Augustine
Marcin Gortat
Bo Outlaw

I’m serious. Bo Outlaw played in a real NBA game for a real NBA team this season. I don’t think he’s actually on the roster right now, but that’s ridiculous. If Dwight goes down, the Magic are done. Sorry Turkey Glue.

Oh, and JJ Redick is ostensibly a member of the Magic.

Fun Facts:
James Augustine has the same birthday as my mother…Marcin Gortat gained entry in to the United States via a traveller’s backpack at age 3…Adonal Foyle has been a book critic for HOOP magazine…Pat Garrity records rap records as “Gat Parrity”…Brian Cook’s favorite food is salami sautéed in pickle juice

Proof That Bo Outlaw Played Basketball This Year (Probably):

1 comment:

Tuffy said...

How do I know this picture was taken in 2007-2008? Bo's looked like that since 1987.