Denzel Washington Goes to a Lakers Game

Taking a break from the set of Post-Doctorate: Julius Erving's Trials and Tribulations After the NBA, actor Denzel Washington laughs upon being introduced to former UCLA superstar Charles O'Bannon.

Finals Game 1 Reactions from the Blowtorch's Playoff Correspondent

The Blowtorch's special playoff correspondent, Boots with the Fur, checks in with her observations from Game 1:

• Meow.
• Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
• Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
• Purrrrr.
• flexes claws
• Meow.
• eats food
• falls over and begins to sleep

Art Review: On the Beach

Summary
A man buried in sand up so that only his nose and mustache show is approached by a crab.

Insight
As many know, Adam Morrison's greatest contribution to the game of basketball is his mustache. Ergo, the mustache represents Morrison, who is currently a member of the Los Angeles Lakers. However, since Morrison is not a particularly skilled player, he is relegated to the bench. In essence, he is "buried" there, hence the sand.

We also notice the crab menacingly approaching the mustache and nose. In January of 2009, LeBron James was called for a travelling violation, which he explained was simply a "crab dribble." Clearly, the crab is a physical manifestation of LeBron James. The crab refers back to his attempted explanation, while its features (sharp claws, bright colors, enormous head) relate to LeBron's prominence in the NBA.

In this photograph, the crab appears poised to strike the mustache. Given the obvious Morrison/James connectionsin this scene, we can assume that the picture is a meditation on James' anger and frustration that such a peripheral athlete as Morrison might have the ultimate triumph, an NBA title, while being "buried" on the bench.

Estimated price at auction
$10,000-20,000

(Note: the value of this piece will increase if the Lakers win this year's championship and will further increase each year that James does not.)

LeBron James's Newest Business Venture

Remember Blowtorch Consulting? It's off to a great start. How well is my one man shop doing, you ask? This well:

Blowtorch Consulting is proud to announce it's newest client, Cleveland Cavalier, Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies CEO, and Most Valuable Player LeBron James.

It was a simple deal, really. LeBron has a newer Ferrari, and now that the Cavs have been eliminated, tons of time on his hands. Not only does it pad his wallet, he also gets to connect with fans and show them that he's serious about Cleveland. Win-win.

This is the first of what I assume will be MANY big name clients. In this economy, players are looking for any way they can to maximize their earning potential. Blowtorch Consulting is here to help.

Some Bros Go To a Magic Game

"Yeah, sure, maybe you guys can play it cool, but there are 226 people on Twitter who need to know I got courtsides."

The World's First Barnstorming Blogger Basketball Team

One of my biggest dreams since the inception of this website has been the organization of some sort of blogger vs. blogger basketball game. Unfortunately, we're not able to get enough bloggers to the same place, so we've done the next best thing instead. We formed a barnstorming team, the Rio Diamonds:

the 2009 Rio Diamonds

We're going to be travelling across the country this summer like the And 1 Mixtape Tour, only pastier. Most of our players are from the Chicago area, but thanks to our sponsor, we've been able to finance the travel for a few out-of-towners. Here are one word scouting reports on all of us, from left to right:

• J.E. Skeets (PG) - quick
• Tas Melas (PF) - Greek
• Kelly Dwyer (SF) - throwback
• Tom Ziller (SG) - finesse
• Eamonn Brennan (SF) - versatile
• Matt Moore (PF) - chemistry
• Ryan Corazza (PG/SG) - hustle
• Trey Kerby (C) - awkward

So, this summer, we'll be coming to a town near you. Get a team together, email me, and we can set up a game. Winners gets to throw water balloons at the losers, and it'll all be taped and shown on this website. Good luck.

Another Business Opportunity

Remember yesterday when I started my consulting business? It seems to be pretty successful so far. In fact, I'm already working with Clearasil on a signature line for Delonte West. It should be pretty big, but that's not the point right now. I think I figured out how to save the economy. All I need is a secondary investor in my new blanket business.

I went to a fabric store the other night, and bought up all of their NBA stock. Then I went to 45 more Chicago area stores to make sure that I have a monopoly on this spun gold. With a little help from you (the investor), I'll be able to hire between 4 and 6 sewers, while I handle the designs. I already made this prototype.

I gave that one to Ziller to give to his wife, but we're going to be targeting high end clients. They're the only ones with any money to spend. You're telling me that the Alyssa Milanos and Jessica Albas and Zac Effrons aren't going to want a luxurious poncho made of the finest NBA fleece? Come on. This is 2009. Ponchos are coming back again. I don't see how this can fail.

Oh, and the name is already taken care of: Blowtorch Blankets. Duh.