Throw Some Bows

Back when I enjoyed watching the New Jersey Nets (Kerry Kittles!), they played the Lake Show in the Finals a couple of times. With the monster duo of Jason Collins and Todd McCullough “patrolling” the paint, they stood no chance of beating the Shaq-led Lakers. I figured their only way of putting up a fight was to literally put up a fight, so I devised the following strategy:

Early in Game 1, sub in some terrible bench player (probably Brian Scalabrine) to punch Shaq in the face as hard as possible.

At the very least, Shaq is severely impaired and rendered largely ineffective, and it’s likely that he wouldn’t play in the series again. Plus New Jersey would only be losing a Scalabrine caliber player. It seems like a can’t-miss strategy, like not eating before an extravagant meal.

Well, going in to tonight’s game 5, that’s sort of happened in a round-about sort of way. As has been discussed for way too long, Robert Horry tried to decapitate Steve Nash, which led to Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw both idiotically leaving the bench. It’s a hard and fast rule that if a player leaves the bench during an altercation, they are to be suspended for at least a game. Every player in the NBA knows this rule, and while it may need some tweaking, for now it’s what they have to abide by. This means that Stoudemire and Diaw are gone for tonight’s game (Horry will be out for 5 and 6), which sucks for fans. This is the marquee match-up of this year’s playoffs and it’s unfortunate that people that aren’t players might be affecting the game. However, I don’t see how Stoudemire and Diaw can’t be suspended with the rule being what it is.

Unfortunately for the Suns, not only do they have to deal with the suspensions. The suspensions that they have to deal with are catastrophic. It would be bad enough to lose Stoudemire, but to also lose his versatile backup Diaw is probably worse. Last year, the Suns game the Spurs all they could handle with Diaw running the 4 and Stoudemire injured. But now their big man rotation is shortened. Kurt Thomas will start on Duncan, but if he struggles or gets in to foul trouble, who comes in? It’s likely that Marion will drop down on Duncan to see what he can do, but that creates a mismatch in the Spurs favor somewhere else. I would bet that the Suns are really regretting doing nothing in the draft the last two years.

It really worked out wonderfully for the Spurs that Horry dropped Nash. He’s so clutch.

(Check out TrueHoop and Dan Shanoff for the best takes on this so far)

Somewhere, Nick Anderson is Smiling

During my senior year, my buddy Clinton and I sat and watched one of the games at our Christmas tourney. Thorughout the game there was this old lady who would repeat this mantra during every free throw attempt:

“What do free throws do? They win games.”

Mind you, she wasn’t asking anyone. Just constantly repeating that as her team shot free throws. Since we were 16 we were cracking up. But after last night, I can’t stop thinking about that lady.

Golden Steezy

Tonight, I’m a Warriors fan. And judging by the Bulls results in the second round, I might be adopting them as my primary rooting interest very soon. Hopefully the Warriors can come up with some sort of plan to stop the Booze, likely involving this guy:

Nonetheless, watching the Warriors is like watching the most entertaining pick-up game you’ve ever seen. Their tireless. Furthermore, they’re the most conflicted team I’ve ever seen. Aside from Richardson, every single player is out to prove themselves and that makes them special. I wouldn’t necessarily consider it an underdog mentality (and it is certainly more than a chip on their collective shoulders); it’s more cathartic than that. The Warriors represent every discarded part of everyone’s lives, a real-life Island of Misfit Toys. That’s why a guy like Baron Davis won’t come out with a cramp while Vince Carter convulses by the bench. The Warriors and that their redemption isn’t predicated just on winning, but winning the way they do.

Ch-Check It Out: Golden State of Mind

On Point

A couple of mornings ago, I was listening to some sports show and the hosts declared that point guard was the marquee position in the NBA. And while I can’t buy in to that (how many superstars are point guards?), most people would agree that point guard is the most important position on the court. Furthermore, the remaining 8 teams provide us a chance to examine just how integral a point guard is to a team. Here’s how I see them ranked.

1. Steve Nash – Phoenix Suns: Easy choice. Nash is the reason anything on the Suns works. He sets the tempo for the whole game within the first 5 minutes and his effect carries on even when he’s replaced by Barbosa (who is better than half the players on this list). D’Antoni couldn’t have found a better guard to lead his attack.
2. Jason Kidd – New Jersey Nets: It’s kind of weird to think that it was 5 years ago that people were talking about Jason Kidd being the best point in the league. He’s just as good now as he was then. He’s still got an UGLY jumper, but not as bad as New Jersey’s red unis.
3. Chauncey Billups – Detroit Pistons: Originally I had Billups and Parker tied for the number three slot, but Billups means a lot more to the Pistons than Parker does to the Spurs. They’re both more lead guards than pure points, but that’s what their coach needs from them. I don’t know of a more clutch guy than Chauncey who isn’t named Robert Horry.
4. Tony Parker – San Antonio Spurs: Like I said, I see him just about equal to Billups, but playing with Tim Duncan is a definite upgrade from Wallace/Webber. Dude does have a few chips though. But when the Spurs need a basket, they aren’t running their offense through Parker. Lastly, it’s hard for me to rank Tony Parker too high because his brother, T.J., is the worst smelling person I’ve ever played against.
5. (tie) Deron Williams – Utah Jazz: I’m a big Deron Williams guy. Even though the dudes at The Basketball Jones disagree, I see a lot of Jason Kidd in his game. He’s a solid playmaker, he’s deceptively quick, and he’s a decent rebounder for a guard. However, after today’s podcast (click that link to hear Skeets and Tas mildly ridicule me), I’ll retract my statement that Deron Williams is tubby. He just has a short neck. But he does kind of look like this:

5. (tie) Baron Davis – Golden State Warriors: I was a big Baron Davis fan when he came out of UCLA, but the injuries caused him to fall off for a minute. I’m glad he’s back to playing out of his mind. However, 7 games does not a star make. Baron might be a terrific guard but I want to see more of him, his beard, and the Warriors.
7. Kirk Hinrich – Chicago Bulls: Being a Bulls fan, I wish I were higher on Hinrich. He’s a tough defender, can hit some shots, and is a good leader. But there is just too much about him that isn’t complete. I think he can run a championship contending team, but I’m not too sure the combination of him and Gordon will take them over the top.
8. Larry Hughes – Cleveland Cavaliers: I despise Larry Hughes.

Get Off of My TV, Michael Sweetney

This is getting depressing.

Are you kidding me with Michael Sweetney? The only decent analogy I can find for his “unique” build is that of my fambly cat Falulah Delores, Foo Foo for short. Typically we describe her as a raccoon with a kitten head on top because she’s so fat. Not a good look.

Seriously though, why did Sweetney get any tick last night? Dude comes in and throws up two ugly Georgetown hooks. Works for Mourning, Ewing, and (occasionally) Mutumbo but certainly not for Fats Sweetney. I can’t fathom a world where an Eastern Conference champion features the services of Michael Sweetney, let alone contending for the NBA title. I mean, the Knicks gave up on him (possibly because they cornered the market on fat guys with tiny heads after drafting Michael Wright) and the Knicks are garbage.

It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that the Bulls won’t win anything with Skiles as the head coach. Call it the Carlisle Corollary, but sometimes a coach is perfect for rebuilding but they can’t take the team to the next level. His refusal to deal with psychos (Tim Thomas, J.R. Smith, etc.), while good for team character, has left the team devoid of any real offensive forces. Deng and Gordon (ENGLAND NATIONAL TEAM?) are tough but if their shots aren’t falling the team strrrrrrrugles. I’d just love to have some cat who can take his man to the whole hard anytime he wants. Or a consistent post scorer. Or pretty much anyone but Michael Sweetney.

I Refuse to Quote "The Warriors"

5 Reasons I Wholly Support the Golden State Warriors:
1. Baron Davis’ beard is UNREAL.

2. Their starting line-up consists of 2 point guards, 2 shooting guards, and a small forward. That’s like a ridiculous NBA Live team you throw out when you’re going for two bills.

3. Judging by appearance, Don Nelson is drunk during the games.
4. Andres Biedrins is likely a Russian assassin. Dude looks straight lethal. Not to mention he’ll be All-Defense within 3 years.

5. Adonal Foyle.

Top 25 Rap Albums, homie

Straight Bangin, which is always...bangin, is putting together a cumulative list of the top 25 rap albums of all time based on blogs all over the place. Here's me list:

1. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
2. N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton
3. Public Enemy -It Takes A Nation of Millions…
4. Dr. Dre -The Chronic
5. Wu-Tang Clan -Enter the 36 Chambers
6. Jay-Z - Reasonable Doubt
7. Eric B. and Rakim - Paid In Full
8. A Tribe Called Quest -Low End Theory
9. Outkast - Stankonia
10. Notorious B.I.G. -Ready to Die
11. Nas -Illmatic
12. Run DMC - Raising Hell
13. Snoop Dogg - Doggystyle
14. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
15. 2pac - Greatest Hitz
16. Outkast - ATLiens
17. Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty
18. Kanye West - The College Dropout
19. Ghostface Killah - Fishscale
20. Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx
21. Notorious B.I.G. - Life After Death
22. Mos Def - Black On Both Sides
23. M.I.A. - Arular
24. Madvillian - Madvilliany
25. Jay-Z - Vol. 2 … Hard Knock Life