Things That Actually Happened in a Professional Basketball Game in 2009

Elton from Clueless dunked.

Whoever this guy is shot a jump shot.

The guy from the Dead Presidents movie poster ran on the court for a hug from Undercover Brother.

The most overwrought dunk attempt of all-time was blocked by the most overwrought block attempt of all-time. Relax, guys.

Whatever Aaron Brooks is doing.

PRO TIP: Sometimes you just have to link to something involving Eddie Griffin.

For real, Aaron Brooks was a first round pick

For the next few weeks, the Blowtorch will be bringing you a series of rookie previews (complete with caricatures!) until we get through the first round. It all culminates with a ballin t-shirt commemorating the best draft in the history of awesomeness.

Aaron Brooks

Strengths: quick as spit, scores in bunches, killer in the open court, wears #0

Weaknesses: tiny, no left hand, creepy eyes

NBA Comparison (best-case): Earl Boykins

NBA Comparison (worst-case): Jason Gardener

NBA Comparison (most likely): Tony Delk