Charlie Villanueva Riche

Hello there, Mr. Villa...umm...Villanewva? I do hope that's right. I'm Preston Von Grippe, and I just wanted to come and welcome you to the area. It has been AGES since we had a professional athlete around here. They have all the money in the world, but just no taste. Quite a shame. Might I enter your backyard?

(Preston opens the gate to the fence and saunters gingerly in to Charlie Villanueva's backyard, where he finds Charlie in his new hot tub.)

Oh, for shame, Charlie. Here in the Hamptons, we would never have something as ostentatious as a champagne hot tub. And the rope is SO garish. Obviously, you're "new money." Not that that's a problem. It's just...obvious.

It is Charlie, right? I suspect your parents called you Charlie, didn't they? That's too bad. Charles is such a nice, mature, respectable name. In fact, my mummy's father is named Charles. That's where I got the name for my yacht after all.

But don't mind me, Charlie. You seem to be enjoying your swim, so I'll let you continue. Muffy and I will be sailing on the S.S Charles for the next couple days, so I'll tell my children, Tad and Arabella, to make sure not to bother you. The weather the next couple days is to die for, and I wouldn't want your bubble bath to be interrupted.

By the way, Charlie, if you'd like to join the brood and I for a late dinner this evening, please do so. We tend to eat late, in the manner of the Spanish, so keep that in mind. That is, of course, if you've ever even had tapas.

I jest! It's going to be great having you as a neighbor, Charlie. I'm SO happy that you got that nice contract for playing your little games. Maybe sometime I can teach you croquet. You know, a gentleman's game. No "short pants" like that basketball you play. I assure you that this will be a most exquisite summer.

Toodles!