February 25, 2009

NBA Players I Think I Could Beat in a Fight

This is me. I am 6 feet 5 inches tall, and I weigh around 220 pounds. I am 25 years old. According to this 2006 survey, I'm just about the average NBA player, except the 4ish years of experience. Unfortunately, I've yet to be called up from the Glendale Heights Park District Men's A League. I'm surprised, too.

I'm pretty even-keeled. I don't have a terrible temper, but I also won't back down from a confrontation. Two Sundays ago, I nearly started a riot at my men's league game, due to an intentional foul. While I'm not actively seeking out fights, if someone were to start one with me, I'm going to defend myself. Of course, I'm a genial fellow, so I haven't been in a legitmate fight since 4th grade when I beat up Mike Punkachar in my living room.

But being average-sized, I thought it was necessary that I put together a list of players who I think I could beat in a fight. Even though Barack Obama wouldn't let it happen, there's a chance that another Pacers/Pistons brawl could happen at any time. Here is the list of NBA players I think I could beat in a fight, with a short description why:


  • Alex Acker - probably asthmatic.
  • Maurice Ager - lacks peripheral vision.
  • Alexis Ajinca - seems awkward.
  • Morris Almond - too pretty.
  • Chucky Atkins - named Chucky.
  • Jose Barea - tiny.
  • Marco Bellinelli - extreme tan suggests vanity.
  • Goran Dragic - appears to be 11.
  • Kevin Durant - weak.
  • Daniel Gibson - well-groomed, and therefore unconcerned with physical contact. Nicknamed "Boobie."
  • Manu Ginobili - would fall.
  • Kyle Korver - avoids confrontation.
  • Rashard Lewis - timid/easily bruised.
  • Tyronn Lue - small wingspan and top-heavy.
  • Steve Nash - brittle.
  • Chris Quinn - looks like this:

  • Cheikh Samb - easily distracted by shiny objects.
  • Sun Yue - weighs 120 pounds. Possible martial artists. May re-think this one.
  • Roko Ukic - pregnant.
  • Yao Ming - slow, lots of surface area for striking.

15 comments:

Juan Louis said...

hahaha very nice.

Rob Fitz said...

Brian Scalabrine - Marshmallows

Anonymous said...

I think Lewis and Samb have probably got your number. The rest I'll accept.

Travis Milne said...

lmao off at Chris quinn. im only 6'0" and 190 but i think i could kick his ass.

oh and sun yue..he' shy as hell. he'd probably back away.

jylze said...

not yao ming, he weighs 300 pounds. and not a soft 300 pounds either.

mark madsen? a VERY soft 250.

FreeCashFlow said...

Amare Stoudemire - Detached Retina

Nick said...

Idk about steve nash...He tried to play/played with a huge gash on his nose during that one spurs game. I think hes a pretty tough guy.

Anonymous said...

luke ridnour anyone??

tj ford? mike dunleavy? sergio rodriguez?

throw in t-mac or is that a bit harsh?

Anonymous said...

haha shit is funny. also add vince carter.. if you smacked him in the jaw he'd sit and cry for a few years based on how he's dealt with other injuries.

Barry Washington said...

Chucky Atkins wouldn't be easy.

Besides, if his name is Chucky that just means he may pull out a knife at any given moment. (the doll)

Anonymous said...

If you googled Kyle Korvers weight lifting habits you'd think twice about taking him on. All I'm saying ...

Anonymous said...

I googled Kyle Korver ... I was actually thinking of Matt Harpring. Get on with it.

Anonymous said...

is it me or will chris quinn look like Henry Abbott in about 80 years?

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