January 15, 2009

Grant Long Would Like to Mow Your Lawn


Hi, I’m Grant Long, former power forward for the Miami Heat and other NBA franchises, and I’ve got an exclusive offer for you. Grant Long’s Forward Powered Lawn Mowers, the very first power forward powered lawn mowers commercially available in the United States.

Most lawn mowers are powered by normal folks. Maybe it’s a mother of two who likes to get some exercise. Maybe it’s a son who dreads having to mow the lawn each summer. Maybe it’s a dad who likes to cut diagonals in the grass because it “looks better.” Whatever the case, the standard lawn mower just isn’t as quick and efficient as Grant Long’s Forward Powered Lawn Mowers. And the secret behind Grant Long’s Forward Powered Lawn Mowers is the Forward Power technology. Let me show you.

With Grant Long’s Forward Powered Lawn Mowers, we provide you with your own lawn mower, but we add a little something special – your very own NBA caliber power forward to push it. That’s right. Every purchase of a Grant Long Forward Powered Lawn Mower comes complete with a former NBA power forward. “Which power forwards?” you ask. Well, Bo Outlaw for one.

HEY GUYS, I’M BO OUTLAW AND I’M SOOOOOO EXCITED TO BE A PART OF GRANT LONG’S FORWARD POWERED LAWN MOWERS! SINCE RETIRING FROM THE NBA, I’VE HAD SO MUCH EXTRA ENERGY BUT NOWHERE TO RELEASE IT! THROUGH GRANT LONG’S FORWARD POWERED LAWN MOWERS, I GET TO USE THAT ENERGY SOMEWHERE THAT REALLY NEEDS IT --- YOUR LAWN!!!!!



Thanks, Bo.


Of course, we’ve got other models available as well. Perhaps, you’d be interested in Antoine Carr.


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But that’s not all. We’ve got even more power forwards ready and willing to mow your grass. Scott Williams, Greg Foster, Brian Grant, Otis Thorpe, and even my cousin, Terry Mills; the list goes on and on. These guys can’t wait to get behind one of Grant Long’s Forward Powered Lawn Mowers and get to work. It’s not like they have anything better to do.

So remember, when your lawn gets long, get Long’s.

2 comments:

McLane said...

Great stuff as always, Goat. Love it...except for the pic of Cliff Levingston.

goathair said...

Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Fixed.