April 16, 2008

The Weakest Link: Houston Rockets

Someone, possibly Hernando Cortez, once said, “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.” I don’t really get what that means, but as the playoffs approach, El Blowtorch will be profiling the worst player on each team’s roster. Then, the players will face off in a simulated one-on-one game of NBA 2K8 if it’s available at Video Villa. Obviously, this will provide the in-depth analysis needed to predict the winners for each playoff series. Up next, the Houston Rockets and Mike Harris…

“Who is Mike Harris?” you might ask. Truthfully, I don’t really know. Supposedly he is a forward. Supposedly he attended Rice University, but as we all know, Rice is a food and not a university. Good try, “Mike Harris.”

His NBA player profile doesn’t have a picture of him. Basketball Reference has no record of “mike harris” or “michael harris” in the history of the NBA. However, a Google image search turns up a couple of pictures, but they are likely fakes.

From this evidence it is easy to determine the truth: Mike Harris is a hit man for the United States government.

Fun Facts:
Member of Treadstone project…skilled in more than 50 martial arts…has completed more than 270 missions, both domestically and abroad…favorite food is peanuts…has finished coursework for a master’s degree in hotel management

Proof That Mike Harris Knows Karate and That He is Not for Purchase:

3 comments:

Ben Q. Rock said...

Careful with that photo! It's not for public use. The government might dispatch Mike Harris to dispose of you.

Proof that Mike Harris has had a dunk blocked by Ronny Turiaf this season.

Proof that Mike Harris has a basketball-reference page.

Fun fact: 21 different people have played for the Houston Rockets this season.

goathair said...

Weird. If you player search him, he doesn't appear. But there he is. Treadstone, man. Treadstone

Shhhhhhhhhhhh.

stopmikelupica said...

This is my favorite one yet. Loving this stuff, Goathair.