February 19, 2008

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Elbowed Me in the Face Last Night

Dear Tall Guy with a Mustache and a Mouthguard,

Thanks so much for elbowing me in the face the day before my birthday. A black eye and sizeable lump is the perfect accessory to a shawl-neck cardigan. I appreciate your gift very much.

I think it’s awesome that you care so much about winning a church league that you would throw elbows the entire game. Furthermore, I’m honored that you would elbow me in the face (and the back, and the neck, and the shoulders) as a sort of repayment for scoring 20 on you. It was almost as flattering as when your team switched you off of me because I was scoring so often.

However, my lady wasn’t too thrilled when I told her I would be sporting a face bruise for the near future. She understands that I’m a baller, but these injuries are getting ridiculous. I’m only 24! Based on family history, I was expecting to get hurt all the time when I turned 50.

I also thought it was pretty cool when you told our team to “stop whining” after we asked the ref a question. We really needed your even-keeled advice; you did hit that one jump shot in the first half.

Lastly, I know that if I would have stopped whining I wouldn’t have had to knock you on the ground in the last minute of the game. So I’m sorry for that. Well, not really. You pretty much deserved it.

Xoxoxo,

Goathair

5 comments:

TheHype said...

Church League is the realez Goathair, you best bring it strong in JC's house!

Shrugz said...

Happy B-day

Anonymous said...

Hey man, if you ever need an enforcer for you church league...yeah, I said that right....let your boy big chris know

stopmikelupica said...

Happy Bday, Torch. And props for dropping 20 on elbow guy.

Reminds me of the time some dude barreled me over at the plate (I was the pitcher, covering home) in a coed softball game. Seriously, WTF?

todd. said...

Was the Starburys post way overdue, or did you drop 20 on someone while dragging around month-old broken ankle?