HAHAHAHAHA! Work!

When I got the schedule that said I would be working from 3-1130pm on both tonight (Thursday) and Friday, I thought what most would think -- this is going to suck. Little did I know. Basically tonight, I have looked at the internets, sent text messages, and am now listening to my iPod. All the while getting premium pay. It's almost like they're paying me to do what I would be doing what I would be doing anyways. This has to be the easiest way to stick it to the man. Jerry Poro would be proud.

Currently listening to: "What Do I Get?" - the Buzzcocks

Back to "work." hahahahahahahaha!

Posses

After last night's NBA Draft, I was inspired to get a posse because I wouldn't want to end up in a situation where I would want to be celebrating with a bunch of people but no one is around. But I don't think I want the typical friends posse, since I already have that in the Fites. Instead, I want an Wild Wild West posse, Will Smith style. That being said, the application to join my posse follows. Applications can be submitted via comment.

Application for Admission to Trey Kerby's Posse

Name:
Date of Birth:
Gender: M F (circle one)
Height:
Weight:
Weaponry Skills: (please list all)



Technological Skills:



Other Skills:



Communicable Diseases:


Celebrity Crush:

Favorite Band:



Other:

Thank you for your interest in joining Trey Kerby's posse.
Your application will be processed and you will be notified of the results.

In a Predicament

Oh man. I'm in a serious quandry right now, and I'm not really sure what I should do.

All my friends keep on getting married, and I mean, everybody knows that gets the old ball and chain thinking about marriage. Now I was never too worried about my girlfriend, Anne, wanting to get married too soon. I thought things were going great. But then we go to Marco's wedding (too early) and she catches the bouquet. Let's just say my wild mustang days are over.

So I finally decide, I might as well propose to Anne, she's a real cool chick. But knowing me, I really really messed up the proposal. Telling a girl, "You win" is not the most effective method of conveying your love for another person. Now she's gone. And if that weren't bad enough, my grandpa (a multimillionaire) just died.

Between the breakup and the death, I'm pretty destroyed. Then I remember that there is something in my Pappy's will that said that I should inherit a lot of the money. Jackpot!

In the words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friend.

I don't get any money unless I get married by 6:05 on the day of my 30th birthday. Now that doesn't sound too bad. At the very least, I can find someone quick and get a prenup and be ok. Oh yeah, my birthday is TOMORROW!!!!

Everyone so far has just said that I just need to go through my little black book and find a suitable wife. But all my old girlfriends know that I was scared of commitment. To add to my problems, virtually every news station has broadcast the news that I need a wife. At one point, about 200 girls in wedding dresses chased me down the street trying to get me to marry them.

The best that I can hope for is that Anne comes back because after this whole ordeal I finally understand what true love is. My guess is that if she comes back before 6:05 tomorrow, we would get married.

The Tots 25

1. Positive Tension - Bloc Party
2. New Years Eve - the Walkmen
3. Very Loud - Shout Out Louds
4. I Predict a Riot - Kaiser Chiefs
5. Psycho Killer (Live) - Talking Heads
6. The Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie
7. C'Mere - Interpol
8. Third Planet - Modest Mouse
9. Song Seven - Interpol
10. Poor Little Rich Boy - Regina Spektor
11. Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) - Arcade Fire
12. Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - the Smiths
13. Cry Baby Cry - the Beatles
14. Head On - Pixies
15. Sleeping In - Postal Service
16. You Might Think - the Cars
17. Decent Days and Nights - the Futureheads
18. Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
19. Slow Hands - Interpol
20. Go It Alone - Beck
21. Next Exit - Interpol
22. Obstacle 1 - Interpol
23. Silence Kit - Pavement
24. Summer Babe (Winter Version) - Pavement
25. Girl - Beck

The results of this list are a bit skewed due to the fact that one night I left my iPod on for about 8 hours with only a handful of songs playing. Oops.

In Praise of the Phat Phree

Imagine, if you will, that you have to work an 8 and 1/2 hour shift at a local hospital. Furthermore, imagine that you only have something to do when you get called. And continuing on, you only get called three times in these 8 and 1/2 hours to do something. After removing time spent on work and lunch, you have roughly 7 and 1/2 hours of paid nothingness. I know it sounds great, but that's my life every other Sunday. Needless to say, I need to have something to do during those 7ish hours. The only options are a nap, television, and the internet. Though these three things mirror the driving forces of my summer schedule, a man can only take so much internet before it feels like they've seen the whole thing --trust me. However, there is a remedy and its called the Phat Phree. The Phat Phree is a humor website that's essentially a mix between the Onion, Collegehumor, and Sports Pickle. Here are my top 3 articles that I read Sunday:

1. Iron Mike's Real Legacy
2. The Dry Spell : A True Love Story
3. The 6 People in Gym Heaven

At the very least, click the links and read those stories, especially if you love Mike Tyson's Punchout for Nintendo. But if you were really brilliant, you would just go to the site and laugh consistently for at least an hour. Its up to you.

Pop the Top

Yesterday I bought a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper from a gas station because it seems like that is the only place they can be purchased. Aside from the fact that the pop tastes different everytime I drink it, I had quite the confusing soda experience. The wrapper advertised "75 Mini Coopers in 75 Days," with an opportunity to win said Mini Cooper online. The way to win was that they give you a code that you have to enter at a website and blah blah blah. Naturally, I didn't save the cap because I knew that I wouldn't win one of the 75 Mini Coopers on any of the 75 days. This led to a realization, I have never won any of the big prizes from a pop giveaway, and I don't know anybody who has. I don't even know anybody who knows anybody who has won a car or a million dollars or a trip to wherever. Sure, I've won free pops and songs. I even got a few of the free songs from iTunes that Pepsi had a couple of years ago. But has anyone ever actually won a major prize from those things? You would think that being in the Naperville/Lisle area, a major suburb of a major city, would result in at least the knowledge of someone who has overcame the odds of those contests. But no, I don't think that I will ever know anyone to win one. But I really don't care all that much because it would make for some strange conversations:

Friend: "Hey Trey, when did you get that PT Cruiser?"

Me: "Oh, about a month ago. I won the Mountain Dew cap game thing."

Friend: "Really?!?! How???"

Me: "I think its obvious, I opened the pop that I planned on drinking."
Trey fires shot at friend's kneecap in retaliation for being 154th person to ask these questions

Just like someone who met their husband or wife on a show like Elimidate, this scenario is awkward and will NEVER happen. But that's totally fine, because I don't want to a)have to buy a gun or b)have to shoot my friends. Oh well, I'll just stick to enjoying my free pops and/or buying one and getting one free.

Street Cred

• The Strokes are done with their third album. Sounds like it'll be a little bit of a move in a different direction, which is good. I also like seedless watermelon.
  
• This guy loves mixtapes as much as I do, but he'll probably tell you he loves them more. (courtesy of Whatevs)
• Though she tried to play the "tough" girl in the Charlie's Angels movies, Cameron Diaz got beat up by a model. (courtesy of PItNB)
• Headline: Director says Lohan's breasts weren't touched Trey's thoughts: "yeah, right"

A side note: I want to see Herbie:Fully Loaded for a couple of reasons 1) I liked Herbie when I was little 2) I miss dark hair, big boobs Lindsay Lohan. On with the Cred.

• Something happened with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?
• There is absolutely no way that this is true.
• Jessica Alba is on the cover of Rolling Stone looking absolutely gorgeous.
  

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Summer is the time where you get really bored and try to learn new things. With that in mind, here are 5 quick things I wish I could do (or do better):

1. Play piano/keyboards
2. Sew/make clothes
3. Cook
4. Jump
5. Play guitar