January 14, 2010

I Got to Sit Between Dikembe Mutumbo and Steve Francis

What? What are you talking about? I can't even understand the words you're saying. You sound like Andre the Giant or like you live in a garbage can. Seriously, what?

You want to sit by Steve Francis? No. I want to sit by Steve Francis. I paid for this seat specifically because it was next to Steve Francis. I've been dying to ask him about the cuddle party he threw at the 2000 Dunk Contest. I can't help it if I have to sit next to the Princess Bride soundboard.

You played together, what, 30 games? You're no Cuttino Mobley. In fact, if you were Cuttino Mobley I would switch you seats. That would at least make sense. What are you and Steve Francis going to talk about? Bad knees? Thrilling. I'm going to stay here. You stay over there by Rick Sweatervest and mind your own business.

And why don't you relax when someone dunks it? You've seen a dunk literally thousands of times. Chill out.


Matthew Van Wormer said...

Oh come on man! Not a single word about "Double-Hatted Asian Man" sitting behind them!? You're better than that!

That One Blogger said...

Where do you get these photos? Seriously?