October 30, 2009

Joakim Noah Teaches Defense and Rebounding

Yo son, you ready to learn some for real defense and rebounding from me, Joa-Noah? That's what I call me, son. For real, son. Word is bond, son.

First thangs first, dog. Yo, establish that position, son. Like get all up in they guts. You need to be sticky like tape.Get all up close on 'em so you can smell they dinner. Mikey Milly had some Cocoa Dinobites at about 11:30 am. Then he washed it down with some OJ. Breakfast for lunch or whateva.

So you get up in they face. Let 'em know you there. Then, dog, when they shoot, you ain't just let him shoot it like it ain't no thang. CHALLENGE that shot, son.

Get yo hand up. Jump at 'em. Just do what you got to do. Challenge it, son. You ain't want Tim Duncan just shootin' them bankshots like he ain't got to worry about you.

But yo, defense ain't end when the shot go up, dog. Get that oil, son. Get that oil.
I was gettin' metaphorical on that one, yo. Like when I say "get that oil," I'm really thinkin' "get that rebound." Like the rebound be the oil in that situation. So you gettin' that rebound.

Once you get that rebound? It's on, dog. Do yo thang. It's yo ball now. Go nuts, son. For real.
And yo, you get enough rebounds. You know what that means, right?



todd. said...

I almost lost my mind during the second quarter last night when he rattled in that horrendous jumper of his and then did the "I can't feel my face!" I know you're excited, Joakim, but chill the fuck out. One rickety 18-footer doesn't make you Ray Allen.

3rdStoneFromTheSun said...

I wonder if he can play tennis well like his dad did?

Neil said...

Joakim Noah may be my favorite player for the same reason that guidos may be my favorite internet meme.