June 27, 2008

Steven A. Smith Interviews Joe Alexander

(click for video)
Steven A. Smith: Joe, you were drafted by THE Milwaukee Bucks. Congratulations!

Joe Alexander: THANK YOU, STEVEN A.! ... STEVEN A., AS YOU KNOW, THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS ARE A GOOD BASKETBALL TEAM! I THINK WE WILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS NEXT YEAR!

Steven A. Smith: Easy, bro.

Joe Alexander: "EASY, BRO" IS RIGHT, STEVEN A.! THE BUCKS ARE BACK!

Steven A. Smith: No! I mean, don’t SHOUT like that, my man. That’s my thing.

Joe Alexander: LISTEN, STEVEN A., I HAVE A DISEASE! ... I SUFFER FROM VOICE IMMODULATION! ... I'M UNABLE TO CONTROL THE VOLUME OR INFLECTION OF MY VOICE! ... THIS IS NOT "SHOUTING" -- IT IS TALKING!

Steven A. Smith: It's just-- couldn't you take a deep breath, lower your voice, or whateva?

Joe Alexander: HOW DARE YOU?! I CANNOT DO THAT! I HAVE AN AFFLICTION THAT IS RECOGNIZED BY THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION AND ITS BRITISH COUNTERPART! EVERY YEAR, AS MANY AS SIX PEOPLE ARE STRICKEN BY THIS HORRIBLE ... HORRIBLE DISEASE! IT COULD STRIKE ANYONE AT ANY TIME -- PROVIDED THEY WERE BORN AT LEAST TWO MONTHS LATE AND HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO GOLD DUST!

Steven A. Smith: Gold dust, Joe?

Joe Alexander: OH, IT'S FUNNY TO YOU! IMAGINE, IF YOU WILL, STEVEN A., A LIFE IN WHICH YOU HOLD YOUR BABY DAUGHTER IN YOUR ARMS AND TRY TO EASE HER BACK TO SLEEP! HUSH HUSH! GO TO SLEEP! DADDY LOVES YOU! ... OR IMAGINE YOU'RE AT CHURCH WHISPERING A SECRET AND SILENT PRAYER TO GOD! "OH, PLEASE, DEAR GOD! WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME?! I HATE YOU, GOD! PLEASE TAKE AWAY THIS TERRIBLE AFFLICTION! AND ALSO LET ME FIND A BAG OF MONEY!" THAT IS MY HELL, STEVEN A.! ... I WOULDN'T WISH IT ON ANYONE!

MAYBE ON YOU, STEVEN A., BUT NO ONE ELSE!

Steven A. Smith: Hey! Hey, that's mean!

Joe Alexander: I APOLOGIZE! THAT LAST PART WAS ACTUALLY MUTTERED UNDER MY BREATH! ... BUT I CAN'T MUTTER UNDER MY BREATH, CAN I?! ... YOU JERK! THAT WAS UNDER MY BREATH ALSO! YOU IDIOT!

Steven A. Smith: Just stop--

Joe Alexander: UNDER MY BREATH AGAIN!

Steven A. Smith: Will you stop, Joe?

Joe Alexander: I THINK I WILL, STEVEN A.! I THINK I WILL!

6 comments:

Khendra Murdock said...

This blog rules. I found it while searching "high top fade" on Google, of all things. Thanks for the March video on the 1991 slam dunk contest and various hilarious commentary, including this latest Joe Alexander spoof. I knew I wasn't the only one who noticed his impressive vocal presence last night.

Anonymous said...

i noticed it, too. he definitely found it hard containing himself. he's the only one out of the top ten who didn't expect to be there a few months ago. it took some adjusting. him talking loud is just trying to prove that he belongs there. not a bad thing.

Sports Tsar said...

im currently wearing the draft 07 shirt.

just thought you should know.

now i need a draft 08 shirt.

Robin said...

OK, so after reading this, I'm reading everything else on this blog in a Joe Alexander voice.

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