April 17, 2008

The Weakest Link: Dallas Mavericks

Someone, possibly Sun Tzu once said, “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.” I don’t really get what that means, but as the playoffs approach, El Blowtorch will be profiling the worst player on each team’s roster. Then, the players will face off in a simulated one-on-one game of NBA 2K8 if it’s available at Video Villa. Obviously, this will provide the in-depth analysis needed to predict the winners for each playoff series. Up next, the Dallas Mavericks and Juwan Howard…


Remember when Juwan Howard was part of THE FUTURE? Remember when he was an All-Star? Remember when he was considered a franchise player and was subsequently overpayed by Washington?


Remember when he crippled Washington's cap space? Remember when he ruined the beginning of Chris Webber's prime? Remember his terrible, combed forward hairstyle?


Remember when he gave those two chicks herpes? Or when he got busted stealing a pair of $1600 sunglasses?


All these things are true about Juwan Howard. As is the fact that Juwan Howard is currently averaging 1.1 ppg for the Mavericks. Enjoy feeling like you're 1000 years old.



Fun Facts:

First player to sign 100 million dollar contract...met his wife, Jenine, at a party hosted by Alonzo Mourning...runs flower delivery site JuwanFlowered.com...has a 16 inch vertical leap...favorite musician is Paul Wall


Proof That Even Juwan Howard Thinks It's Funny That He Gets the Ball Sometimes:

1 comment:

Tuffy said...

What, no Jason Kidd?