I Think Richard Hamilton Would Be a Good Ninja

I know what you’re thinking, of all the players in the NBA, why do you think Richard Hamilton would be a good ninja? Well if you’d let me finish my thoughts I would tell you, so settle down for a minute. Geez.

There are quite a few reasons why Richard Hamilton would succeed as a ninja, just as he did as a shooting guard for the Detroit Pistons. First and foremost is his sneakiness. Tell me the way that he creeps around screens and darts in and out of traffic isn’t like every ninja you’ve ever seen. What’s that? You haven’t seen any ninjas? Well neither have I actually; but when they’re in the movies they’re really agile and can dodge anything. I also would imagine ninjas to have a pretty solid mid-range jumper. They seem like the kind of guys that would practice that kind of stuff.

Next is the fact that “Rip” (a fantastic ninja pseudonym, by the way) is tireless. He runs around for 36 minutes a night and never gets tired. All of my movie ninja experience tells me that you need great endurance as a ninja. Think about it. Ninjas can fight off like 96 guys in 12 minutes (8 gpm!) and not even break a sweat. And even if they did sweat, they’d have those sweet headstrap things to absorb it. Ninjas gotta stay cool.

Here’s another ninja-y thing that Richard Hamilton is good at - he wears a mask a lot. Sure some ninjas probably don’t wear masks, but it’s highly likely that all the good ones do. It really helps their sneakiness and ability to blend in with their surroundings. As anyone who has seen the Pistons play the last couple of years, Hamilton wears the Schnozeroo at all times. Ostensibly, this is for protection, but in reality, it’s Rip’s way of calling out to his ninja brethren. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Richard Hamilton is currently a ninja. But if you think that ninjas don’t notice when a guy wears a mask and a headband at all times, you’re kidding yourself.

Lastly, it is a widely known fact that ninjas always give of themselves for the greater good. They pretty much only do things that will help save lives. The same could be said for Hamilton’s role on the Pistons. Sure he could average more points if he wanted to, but he knows that he’ll give the Pistons a better chance of winning if he sacrifices some of his own glory for the team’s ultimate success. Very ninjaesque.

With all the facts laid out there, it’s pretty obvious that Richard Hamilton is tops on the list of NBA players who could be ninjas (followed by Caron Butler and Marcus Camby). Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has already taken some classes towards ninja status, which would explain why he wears the mask. I’m seriously convinced that if Rip decided to abandon a life of jump shots and layups he’d be among the best ninjas in history. And if you don’t believe me, I’d watch your back because it’s very likely that a ninja is planning a retaliatory attack.