The Fable of Ben Wallace

In the Bible, there's the story of Samson and Delilah. Given his luscious locks, Samson is told he'll have unfathomable strength as long as he never cuts his hair. However, enticed by Delilah, his hair does get cut and he loses all his strength. Whoops.

However, I don't think the Bible mentions that before his haircut, Samson's productivity would drastically decrease to the point where he's considered one of the worst free agent signings in history. Or that he had an entire metropolitan fan base upset that he was a part of their team. And it's probably glossed over, but I'm pretty sure that Samson never had his hair in cornrows.

Oh, and Samson could shoot freethrows.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Practices Martial Arts

Seeking to add quickness and agility to his game, Brad Miller has begun martial arts training.

NBA Players I Think I Could Beat in a Fight

This is me. I am 6 feet 5 inches tall, and I weigh around 220 pounds. I am 25 years old. According to this 2006 survey, I'm just about the average NBA player, except the 4ish years of experience. Unfortunately, I've yet to be called up from the Glendale Heights Park District Men's A League. I'm surprised, too.

I'm pretty even-keeled. I don't have a terrible temper, but I also won't back down from a confrontation. Two Sundays ago, I nearly started a riot at my men's league game, due to an intentional foul. While I'm not actively seeking out fights, if someone were to start one with me, I'm going to defend myself. Of course, I'm a genial fellow, so I haven't been in a legitmate fight since 4th grade when I beat up Mike Punkachar in my living room.

But being average-sized, I thought it was necessary that I put together a list of players who I think I could beat in a fight. Even though Barack Obama wouldn't let it happen, there's a chance that another Pacers/Pistons brawl could happen at any time. Here is the list of NBA players I think I could beat in a fight, with a short description why:

• Alex Acker - probably asthmatic.
• Maurice Ager - lacks peripheral vision.
• Alexis Ajinca - seems awkward.
• Morris Almond - too pretty.
• Chucky Atkins - named Chucky.
• Jose Barea - tiny.
• Marco Bellinelli - extreme tan suggests vanity.
• Goran Dragic - appears to be 11.
• Kevin Durant - weak.
• Daniel Gibson - well-groomed, and therefore unconcerned with physical contact. Nicknamed "Boobie."
• Manu Ginobili - would fall.
• Kyle Korver - avoids confrontation.
• Rashard Lewis - timid/easily bruised.
• Tyronn Lue - small wingspan and top-heavy.
• Steve Nash - brittle.
• Chris Quinn - looks like this:


• Cheikh Samb - easily distracted by shiny objects.
• Sun Yue - weighs 120 pounds. Possible martial artists. May re-think this one.
• Roko Ukic - pregnant.
• Yao Ming - slow, lots of surface area for striking.

I JUST SAW NATE ROBINSON FIST POUND WILL FERRELL

Yo, you are not going to BELIEVE this, bro. I was at the Knicks game last night. Baller status seats. I'm talking on the court, man. One of the bank's brokers hooked me up. Anyways, guess who's sitting right in front of me.

Will Ferrell.

Yeah. THAT Will Ferrell. He is just as funny in real life. You had to be there. I can't even explain it.

So me and my boy Nolan are just chillin', when Nate Robinson walks over to Will and fist pounds him. It was awesome. Best night of my life.

Will Ferrell, dude! Will. Ferrell.

Found Item(s): Vinny Del Negro's Coaching Notes

NBA Pop Culture Comparisons

Hey guys, don't you think Vinnie Del Negro totally looks like Al Pacino if you ironed him?

POP CULTURE COMPARISON

I JUST thought of this, don't you think that NBA players look like guys from The Wire?

POP CULTURE COMPARISON

Or how about this: the Spurs have beef jerky playing for their team!

POP CULTURE COMPARISON

Here's another good one: NBA players look like rappers!

POP CULTURE COMPARISON

Okay, okay. Last one. Donny Marshall looks EXACTLY like Ludacris.

POP CULTURE COMPARISON

Happy Birthday to Me

Maybe I didn't get what I asked for, but the fact that Brad Miller is coming back to Chicago is the next best thing I could possibly receive in the realm of the NBA. He even sent me this mostly lucid video:

25 is shaping up to be a GREAT year.