Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts

February 25, 2009

NBA Players I Think I Could Beat in a Fight

This is me. I am 6 feet 5 inches tall, and I weigh around 220 pounds. I am 25 years old. According to this 2006 survey, I'm just about the average NBA player, except the 4ish years of experience. Unfortunately, I've yet to be called up from the Glendale Heights Park District Men's A League. I'm surprised, too.

I'm pretty even-keeled. I don't have a terrible temper, but I also won't back down from a confrontation. Two Sundays ago, I nearly started a riot at my men's league game, due to an intentional foul. While I'm not actively seeking out fights, if someone were to start one with me, I'm going to defend myself. Of course, I'm a genial fellow, so I haven't been in a legitmate fight since 4th grade when I beat up Mike Punkachar in my living room.

But being average-sized, I thought it was necessary that I put together a list of players who I think I could beat in a fight. Even though Barack Obama wouldn't let it happen, there's a chance that another Pacers/Pistons brawl could happen at any time. Here is the list of NBA players I think I could beat in a fight, with a short description why:


  • Alex Acker - probably asthmatic.
  • Maurice Ager - lacks peripheral vision.
  • Alexis Ajinca - seems awkward.
  • Morris Almond - too pretty.
  • Chucky Atkins - named Chucky.
  • Jose Barea - tiny.
  • Marco Bellinelli - extreme tan suggests vanity.
  • Goran Dragic - appears to be 11.
  • Kevin Durant - weak.
  • Daniel Gibson - well-groomed, and therefore unconcerned with physical contact. Nicknamed "Boobie."
  • Manu Ginobili - would fall.
  • Kyle Korver - avoids confrontation.
  • Rashard Lewis - timid/easily bruised.
  • Tyronn Lue - small wingspan and top-heavy.
  • Steve Nash - brittle.
  • Chris Quinn - looks like this:

  • Cheikh Samb - easily distracted by shiny objects.
  • Sun Yue - weighs 120 pounds. Possible martial artists. May re-think this one.
  • Roko Ukic - pregnant.
  • Yao Ming - slow, lots of surface area for striking.

June 2, 2008

NBA Players Who Are Smarter Than Robert Horry

NBA PLAYERS
----
Steve Nash
Tim Duncan
Shane Battier
Eddy Curry
Zach Randolph
Stephon Marbury
Jamal Crawford
Jerome James
Nate Robinson

Inspired by
McSweeney's Lists

December 14, 2007

6 Guys from Back In the Day That Cracked Me Up When I Was Young

I don't think anyone ever liked Xavier McDaniel but his name is hilarious.


When this is the best picture that turns up for a Jack Haley search it's not a good sign.

Still not as ugly as his free-throws.

Sideways flat-top? Yes, please.



SASQUATCH

Manute Bol - human?

August 7, 2007

My Mom is awesome

On the latest FreeDarko post, a discussion in the comments broke out about who the real "stars" in the NBA are. Someone suggested that the best way to tell is to ask your girlfriend who she knows, as these are the players that have crossed-over the most. However, seeing as my girlfriend's dream is to be a professional men's basketball coach and we spent the whole first month of our courtship watching the NCAA tournament, this doesn't really apply to me. Thankfully my mom is peripherally aware of the NBA, so I asked her who in the NBA she knows and her responses left me giggly and astounded. Here's her list:

Stephen Marbury close enough
Steve Nash
Tim Duncan
Kevin Garnett
LeBron James
Kobe Bryant
Carmello Anthony close
Anferne Hardaway and his baby bro I'm guessing this means Lil' Penny
Duane Wade close
Iver Anderson this means Allen Iverson, she's known him since I got his G'town jersey in 8th grade
Dirk Nowitski really, Mom?
Gilbert Arenas

Stunnning, really. I guess there are some reasons (Wade's Sidekick commercials, I had the And 1 Marbury's sophomore year of High School, my two Arenas shirts, etc.) but the fact that she names these minor stars and not Shaq, who is the biggest star in the league, is pretty hilarious to me.

June 26, 2007

NBA Politicians

After yesterday's terribly long title, I got busy determining which NBA players could be politicians, based on name alone. Here's what I found:

Presidential Candidates (current)
Richard Jefferson
Darrell Armstrong
Greg Buckner
Dale Davis
Paul Davis
David Harrison

Presidential Candidates (days of yore)
Calvin Booth
Linton Johnson III
Alexander Johnson
David Lee
Randolph Morris
Stephen Jackson
James Augustine
Patrick O’Bryant

Possible Senators
David West
Matt Carroll
Pat Burke
Pat Garrity
James White


Possible Representatives
Anthony Parker
John Salmons
Anthony Carter
Travis Diener
Grant Hill
Mike James
Mike Hall

Members of Parliament
Samuel Dalembert
Earl Barron

Ambassadors
Pops Mensah-Bonsu
Aleksandar Pavlovic
Vassilis Spanoulis

June 15, 2007

Tony Parker Needs a Nickname

Possible nicknames for Finals MVP Tony Parker:
- Tonay Parcare
- Sacre Bleu
- the Fabulous Frenchman
- Stinky
- Tony Toni Tone
- Duke of Earl
- Eyebrows
- Mr. Eva Longoria
- Underoos
- White Flag
- Toast
- Oui Oui, TP
- Boney
- Frenchie
- Surrender
- Yancey Thigpen

June 12, 2007

Things Tim Duncan Is Good At

-Basketball
-Dungeons and Dragons
-Endorsing boring shoes
-Growing weird facial hair
-Rock, paper, scissors
-Throwing grapes in the air and catching them in his mouth
-Dog watching
-Grilling salmon
-Netflix queue management
-Creating choreography to rap songs out of thin air
-Still photography
-Southeastern United States bird calls
-Poaching eggs
-Separating the good tasting Jelly Bellys from the ones that are really gross
-That game where you put your hands on top of someone else’s and they try to slap you before you can move.
-Swimming
- Straightening picture frames
-Winning NBA Championships