Brad and Trey Finally Meet

The Blowtorch Xtranormal meme hi-jack volume 1.

Two Old-Timey Bulls Talk Oil Prospecting

Say, Bradford. Might I interest you in some tips on how one might acquire that oil, son?

Indeed, Josiahkim. That would interest me a great deal, for I often seek to acquire that oil, son.

'Tis a simple process, my dear friend Bradford.

Do tell.

The first step is finding a location that may provide you the opportunity for oil acquistion, son.

Naturally, yes. This, likely, would be my backyard where I often spend time shootin' at some food.

Yes, yes, of course. Once you have found this oil acquisition location, simply throw an ice pick at that oil, son.

An ice pick?

Yes, an ice pick, Bradford.

Interesting, Josiahkim. But where shall I store my oil, son?

Oh, Bradford! Dost ye know nothing about acquiring that oil, son?

I must admit, Josiahkim, I have never acquired that oil, son.

Fair enough. After ice picking said oil, simply collect that oil which is now spurting in to a burlap sack.

A burlap sack?

Yes, Bradford. Your finest burlap sack.

Oh, the choices! My collection is so great. 'Tis that it?

No, sir. After that, Bradford, we dance.



Most amazing tutorial, Josiahkim.

Think nothing of it, my good man! Now go on and acquire that oil, son!

Mike Woodson is the Tipping Point

Y'all probably already know that Mike "Carl Winslow" Woodson of the Atlanta Hawksers shaved his eyebrows off to convince his team that he was crazy so that they would win in order to not upset their clearly insane coach. BUT did you know that Mr. Mike Woodson started a trend amongst the more style-conscious NBAers?

That is a true fact.

I found the pictures.

Charlie Villanueva was the first to try it, even before Mike Woodson did it. But people were kind of weirded out by Charlie's devotion to this look. He might have taken it too far.

Trying to show solidarity to both Charlie (both have bad contracts) and Mike Woodson (both of their cities can't believe their team still employs them), Jared Jeffries went eyebrowless. It's actually an improvement.

When all these guys started shaving their eyebrows off, Brad Miller took notice. Since he likes co-opting Black style, he adopted the shaved eyebrows look as well.

Then Troy Murphy attended the Symposium for Big White Guys Who Shoot Threes and saw Brad Miller and he was like, "nice, bro." He went home and shaved off his eyebrows because he thought that's what the whole group was doing. Whoops.

Then Troy Murphy came back to Indiana with no brows, and Earl Watson realized that his massive caterpillars needed some trimming so why not just get rid of them totally. Typical Earl Watson, always kinda messing things up just a little.

Since Brad did it, I had to do it. It's for art, guys. I might also look in to chest hair/giant hands removal. If you know anybody that specializes in that very specific area, holler at me.

As you can see, Mike Woodson is the classic "maven" from Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point, a book about random capitalization. It was his daring to bring style to the court that made it okay for all of us to shave our eyebrows.

Shave yours off tonight, take a picture, and it will be posted here. Together we can shave lives.

Happy Holidays Everyone

Sup. I'm going to be on holiday next week for the holidays, so this will have to serve as the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Boxing Day post. Consider it my gift to you.



MP3: Brad Miller - White Christmas (left-click)

The Annotated Brad Miller Drive

Last night I was watching some NBA basketball on television. I was enjoying the Chicago Bulls versus Sacramento Kings basketball game when Brad Miller decided to drive to the basket. This caused me to have some laughs.



Unfortunately, I couldn't find a true copy of the game because of 'blackouts' and 'legal restrictions', so this video will have to do. Nothing says aesthetic quality quite like a videotaped screen with annotations. But for seriously, make some laughs with me as Brad Miller fakes out Spencer Hawes, plays to the camera, and causes the announcers to say some of the most obviously crazy things ever uttered on a broadcast.

The Brad Miller Show - Episode 1

Brad Miller and sidekick Brian Scalabrine discuss guns, nicknames, and sprinting.

The Brad Miller Offensive Playbook

PLAY 1 - THE THREE1. Receive pass
2. Shoot three-pointer
3. Celebrate
-------------

PLAY 2 - THE EVERY OTHER TIME

1. Receive pass

2. Pump fake

3. Slow drive to the basket

4. Encounter several defenders

5. Awkward layup

6a. Have sadness


6b. Celebrate

Brad Miller Watch: In the Community

The latest in Brad Miller ephemera...

Seems like a scary bro who just wants to be nice to youngsters.

Brad Miller Watch: In Da Club

The latest in Brad Miller ephemera...

Seems like a chill bro who's down to hit the club after a day on the links.

Previously

Brad Miller Watch: At Camp

The latest in Brad Miller ephemera...

Seems like a chill Air Force 1 bro who's down to ice his knees and take a nap after a long practice.

The Chicago Bulls Sing "Chop Suey!"

Man, you guys NAILED it.

Jon and Brad Make Lasagna

via

Bradger On A Hundred Thousand Trillion

Remember back when I almost killed Brad Miller? That was a really dark time in my life. The world had turned to grey, and I thought I'd blown if for the Bulls and for Brad Miller. Maybe I had cursed him.

Like I always do, I listened to The Fray's "How to Save a Life" on repeat. As the song played over and over and over again, I found myself asking where did I go wrong? I had truly lost a friend, somewhere in the bitterness. I didn't understand it, really. Yeah, I'd posted a private moment for Brad. As any man knows, cutting off a beard is a HUGE step. I must have underestimated how closely guarded Brad is.

I knew things were going to be okay when Brad made his first three. When his celebration came out like kids in my high school who swore they knew the gang sign for the Bloods, that's when I knew Brad Miller was still alive. On the inside.

I Think I Killed Brad Miller

Remember when I unearthed the video of Brad Miller cutting off his beard? That was a really emotional video that deeply affected me emotionally. And I've regretted it to this day. I'm even pretty sure that showing that video killed Brad Miller. On the inside.

It's been basically the hardest three weeks of my life, dealing with the death of Brad Miller. Since then, his points per game, rebounds per game, assists per game, and field goal percentage have gone down. And his turnovers per game went up.

And he got punched in the face.

And he missed two free-throws that would have tied a playoff game.

And he's been ridiculed across the Internet.

And he didn't get to go to Coachella.

And he didn't really like the movie Earth.

And he still hasn't seen the Susan Boyle YouTube clip.

And he burned his hand on his waffle maker.

And he can't get his DVR to stop recording every episode of The Soup.

And his Geocities account was closed.

And he had high hopes for the Asher Roth album.

And the Hipster Grifter stole $800 from him.

So it's been pretty hard on Brad too. I can't help feeling that I did this to him. If I'd have just left that video in the depths of YouTube, maybe Brad Miller would still be alive. On the inside.

The least I can offer him is this electronic collage (French for "lots of things together to make one big thing"). He's one of my favorite guys ever and I'm sorry if I killed him. On the inside.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Cuts His Beard

In this thrilling conclusion (maybe...) to season one of The Brad Miller Show, our hero sheds his facial hair.

The Brad Miller Show: An Evening with Brad Miller

Brad Miller is just a normal guy. He does laundry, cleans up cat poop, and bakes pizza. You know, normal guy stuff.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Replicates Dunks from Past Dunk Contests by Touching His Ceiling

Hey, Brad Miller's a fan too.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Eats Fun Dip

Some athletes take expensive supplements for energy. Others are slaves to 5 Hour Energy, Red Bull, and other sugar-laden disasters. Not Brad Miller. He kicks it old-school; nickel and dime store Fun Dip, son.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Helps Families Save Their Homes

Using ingenuity, common sense, and stoner logic, Brad Miller proposes a plan to help normal families pay their mortgages.

The Brad Miller Show: Brad Miller Practices Martial Arts

Seeking to add quickness and agility to his game, Brad Miller has begun martial arts training.