Merry Christmas from Andrew Bogut

Croikey, izzit Christmas all retty? Me and my mates ain't get too cott up in that materialisticness of Christmas, mate. But still, Merry Christmas. Maybe throw a subscription to Cat Fancy in a stocking for yore best mate, mate. Or Vegemite, mate.

Oi. Merry Christmas.

Kangaroos, mate.

Hey Guys, Bonzi Wells

Late Saturday night, I ended up at a jazz club in Chicago with Kelly Dwyer. I realize this sounds like a thing that I would make up because I make up a lot of things, but I did not make up this thing. As usual, the talk turned to Bonzi Wells. (At least twice, when around Kelly Dwyer, we've spoken at length about Bonzi Wells. There's really no reason for this to happen to anybody, ever.)

I questioned the whereabouts of Bonzi Wells, and his real name. Of course, Kelly Dwyer knew both of these off his head (China, and Gawen DeAngelo Wells). Literally two seconds may have passed before these answers were recited, along with a story of Wells throwing an entire bag of golf clubs in to a pond near the Ball State campus. Naturally, the conversation soon turned to aidsmarathon.com, a website that either teaches you how to run a marathon (it aids you in marathoning) or supports the expansion of AIDS via marathon. This remains unclear.

So today, I visited Yahoo!'s NBA photo page to find something silly to post on, because that's what I do. I carefully examine pictures of grown men in an attempt to mock them because YAY BLOGGING. Anyway, the very first picture was the one you see above. There isn't really much else to say, but as usual, Kelly Dwyer was right: Bonzi Wells was in China. Problem solved.

Also, you can't get AIDS from a marathon so that probably helps to clear that up.

The Blowtorch Presents ... Brian Eno and Joe Satriani Go NBA

Play The Blowtorch Presents...Brian Eno and Joe Satriani Go NBA

Wherein:

• A new co-host is introduced.
• Brian Eno produces various Joe Satriani riffs and licks.
• Trades are discussed.
• Eric Snow is addressed.
• Music from Jay-Z and Santogold
  

Also, subscribe to The Blowtorch Presents in iTunes and leave some reviews.

Today in Shaquille O'neal's Lunacy

Quoth Shaq: (Note: if this Twitter feed isn't really Shaq (likely), then this stands for the people behind it.)

Now, look at Erick Dampier:

Now, look at the definition of "goatee" from Dictionary.com:

Ergo, Erick Dampier is bearded. Ergo, Shaq (or his Twitterers) are stupid. You do not mess with the sanctity of the NBA beard. Not on my watch.

Furthermore, Erick Dampier is certainly not the best comparison for Andrew Bogut. Here are two better reference points:

a) Kelly Dwyer (he loves this comparison)

b) a less hairy Jim James

Please, be careful when discussing NBA beards. It's a touch subject for me.

Brought to you by the Society for Basketball Facial Hair of America.

World Premiere: Kelly Dwyer on the Guitar

A Blowtorch original: