Mike D'Antoni Attends His First Knicks Practice

Mike D’Antoni enters the Knicks practice facility. He is impeccably dressed in a Thom Browne suit, his mustache is freshly groomed, and he has recent shined Salvatore Ferragamo shoes on.

Mike D’Antoni: Alright, Knicks. Get over here. Lemme see what we got.

Scans roster

Ah, Quentin Richardson. Q, my man.

Quentin Richardson: What up, Coach.

Pounds head

MD: Q? What happened? You look enormous.

Richardson pounds head

MD: You’re still doing that? You haven’t played with what’s-his-name since 2002.

Richardson pounds head

MD: Okaaaaaay. Well…Mardy Collins…Jerome James…Jared Jeffries…Anthony Roberson…Fred Jones…this can’t be real. This is made up, right?

Stephon Marbury: Nah man that’s our roster we ballin’ this yeah Stephy aka Starburst aka Starbeezy aka Caramel Mochalotta runnin’ things droppin’ things shootin’ things the usual...

MD: Please be quiet.

SM: …I figger I’ll prolly get 40-50 a night plus like 19 or 20 steals and at least 2 assists that’s good for 70ish wins there I think we’re lookin’ at beatin’ the Bulls record but it’s too early to tell…

MD: Patrick, uh…Patrick Ewing?

Patrick Ewing, Jr.: Junior. Play me or I’ll tell my dad. He could beat you up.

SM: …I been workin’ on some things like a behind-the-back layup I call the Coney Island Cyclone it’s a nod to my homeboys they gonna love it plus I’m gettin’ some ink done this weekend picture a the Pringles guy for you coach just so you know we tight…

MD: Might as well get started. I want Duhon, Crawford, Chandler, Curry, and Randolph on the floor. You’ll be our starting five.

Jamal Crawford, Eddy Curry, and Wilson Chandler take the court. Crawford immediately begins shooting.

MD: Where’s Chris?

Wilson Chandler: Drankin’.

MD: And you are?

WC: Wilson Chandler.

MD: WILSON Chandler? Not Tyson. Of course. Where’s Zach?

WC: With Chris.

MD: Great….Lee and Danilo, out here.

David Lee and Danilo Gallinari step on the court. Gallinari bends low to the floor to check his hair in the reflection. Lee begins rebounding Crawford’s misses.

Danilo Gallinari: Ciao allenatore. Papà dice ciao e grazie per la raccolta di me. Come funziona guardare i miei capelli?

MD: Your hair looks fine, Danilo. It always does.

DG: …thanks…be…to…youth?

MD: Close enough. You’re welcome.

SM: …and like I just wanna still be the best point guard in the league which I am but I don’t wanna give up the throne look at what I’ve done played for Phoenix then they were great I made KG win that title and Bassy’s been killin’ at the Rucker all because of Steph so why I ain’t averagin’ like 30 shots a night is crazy holla.

Nate Robinson knocks out Stephon Marbury with a single punch