Here's Your Proof

If you've ever doubted the accuracy of this Internet weblog site, don't. Everything you ever read on here is true. Just two months ago I posted this absolutely brilliant deconstruction of Vinny Del Negro's coaching methods. Included in that post was this picture:

You might have thought I was joking and that these really weren't Vinny Del Negro's notes. Compare that play on the left to this one that Skeets captured during Saturday's game against the Celtics:

Eerily similar, aren't they? This just goes to show that I know things. But how?, you might wonder. I can't reveal that, but you should know the question isn't what are Vinny Del Negro's plays; it's WHEN are Vinny Del Negro's plays.

Carmelo and Chauncey Come Back to Earth

Space was really cool LOL but we want to talk about the Playoffs. Right Chauncey?

Word.

Good Action I

As there is nothing actually happening in the NBA today or yesterday (aside from the Devil collecting on last year's deal with the Celtics) here's some good action:

• During the playoffs, I'll be doing little videos for Hardwood Paroxysm. There is going to be no editing or coherence or substance, so you should definitely tune in. Apparently, there will be antiquated sayings.
• I've also recently started writing little music blurbs for The Singles Jukebox. I know just as much about music as I do about basketball. Take that for what it's worth.
• One last thing I tend to know lots about: random basketball goods. As such, I'm now writing the Phenomenal Swag posts for Skeets.

So those are other places you can find my musings on various subjects. Now on to more good action.

• Here's a video of me performing Seal's number 1 hit "Kiss by a Rose" while driving around with Lady Gaga:
• If you'd like all The Brad Miller Show videos, along with outtakes, never-before-seen footage, and other extras on a DVD for a low price, email me. I'm talking nice menus, high quality video, and laughs for literally probably an hour, all for around 6 dollars. It's an unbeatable deal. Also, be on the lookout late this summer for an amazing Brad Miller production.
• As a reward for making it this far (you haven't made it this far), here's another chapter of my book. If you, or anyone you know, want to publish it, email me. I'm easily bought.

(click for full-size)

Whatever, Dwight Howard

It's finally happened; the slam dunk has lost its cache.

You're probably thinking, "yeah, right. Go back to Alabama where they don't even have SLAM at bookstores and you'll end up having to read Can I Keep My Jersey? even though it's not that great. That's what you deserve for saying dunking isn't cool anymore. A place that hates basketball. Go there." But I didn't even say dunking isn't cool, so you're kind of being a jerk.

The point is, this picture of Dwight Howard. I carefully analyzed each and every human in it who isn't Dwight Howard in order to test my theory. Check it out:

(click for full-size)

KEY

Green - actually enjoying this slam dunk shot

Yellow - refusing to watch, out of boredom

Red - visibly upset by the dunk

Light blue - skeptical

That's inarguable evidence right there, pal. These people are so fed up with Dwight Howard just dunking all the time. They're like, "sweet dunk Dwight." Then they roll their eyes to their friend behind Dwight's back.

So why don't you just lay off and stop telling me to go back to Alabama. I saw a kid there wearing a full Dwight Howard uniform, but with the new Melo's and socks, TO THE BEACH. Think about it.

I'm in Alabama

I am driving a Chevrolet Aveo.
I am staying in a Holiday Inn.
I am eating at a Waffle House.
I am getting sunburned.
I am wearing boat shoes.

Ergo, content will be meager until Thursday.

But first, a two man play I call "We Move as One."

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We Move as One

Fin.
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The End of Carmelo Anthony's Space Adventure Letters?

Sup, Earthlings. It's me, Carmelo Anthony.

As you're well aware, me and my buddy Chauncey Billups have been travelling all around Space, doing Space things. We've seen some crazy stuff. Stuff that you can't see on Earth. Like for instance, we saw Earth. The whole thing. You can see little pieces when you're on Earth but to see it all, you have to go to Space.

And we went to Space. As I said before. Here's the proof.

That's me and Chaunce in deep dark space, posing. Giving cold looks. LOL We had a great time. Ain't that right Chauncey?

Yessir.

But we were up in Space the other day, and Chauncey throws Independence Day in the DVD player. That's one of his favorite Fresh Prince movies. But we're watching it in Space, which makes it even more relevant. Chauncey looks at me and says, "fossil fuels." And I knew what he meant.

We been using so much fossil fuels being up here it's ridiculous. And we like the environment, so we decided to come back and go green. So that's basically it. We're back from Space to save the environment with going green. Probably won't here much about our trip until the book comes out, which is supposed to be summer of 2009. It's going to be otherworldly good. LOL

Peace for now, everybody.

Keep it real,

Melo

If Vin Diesel Was Commissioner of the NBA...

• Each team would have two jerseys: skins and white v-neck.
• Every player, official, and team employee would be allowed to keep their first name, but their last name must be changed to Diesel.
• Shaquille Diesel would have several MVPs.
• Drunk driving would be punishable by banishment from the league. Street racing, however, would become part of All Star Weekend.
• In fact, All Star Weekend would take place on a deserted city block in downtown Los Angeles every year.
• The NBA Finals would no longer have home court advantage, since the championship series would be played in the California desert. It's name would be changed to Basketball Wars, and rather than playing for a championship trophy, the winning team gets the pink slips to the losing team's cars.
• We would call below average players "busters."
• The three-point field goal signal done by referees would be changed from arms raised above head to arms extended to either side of the body, parallel to the floor. Every arm muscle available should be flexed.
• The shot clock would be shortened to 10 seconds.
• All commercials would feature the tagline: "The NBA - live your life a quarter at a time."
• All players would be required to shave their heads.
• There would be A LOT more Asian players.
• The Detroit Pistons would be the center of the basketball universe.
• The NBA would be the most popular sport in America, even though its premise is totally ridiculous and unbelievable.