Occasional Observations on Several Subjects IV

• The only thing worse than t-shirts under jerseys are jersey t-shirts. Just by a real jersey, man.
  
  
• I really don't like the implied martyrdom in the Elton Brand situation. People (including Brand himself) were talking about how he and Baron would have been two superstars finally getting their chance at a ring. Clearly this is all because of Boston last year, but it's ridiculous. Neither Brand nor Davis has been in the league long enough to be considered long-suffering. Neither Brand nor Davis has ever seemed particularly concerned with dying to win a championship. Neither Brand nor Davis have ever been big winners. These are just two pretty good players who could have played together. They aren't legendary players whose careers won't be complete without a championship. I blame this on Ray Allen.
  
  
• I'm hoping Matt was referring to the playoffs when he said adding Josh Smith could make the Clippers contenders. That team is LIGHT YEARS away from competing for a championship. And probably quite a bit away from even winning a playoff series. Even with Smith helping to erase mistakes, their defense is going to be horrid.
  
  
• Know this: Brandon Jennings WILL become a patron saint of FreeDarko.
  
  
• Shanoff's suggestion/recommendation/whatever that Jennings spend his year off developing an intense training regimen is laughable for so many reasons. Shall we investigate why? Yes, we shall:
  
  a) Taking a year away from competive basketball is a bad idea. How then, will NBA scouts really know how to compare you? Even random European guys have footage of them playing other humans.
  b) Since Jennings and his staff would have to develop this regimen, it'll obviously be new. Why would an NBA team respect something that doesn't have a legacy behind it?
  c) No shoe company will give a player an endorsement deal if no one can see them play.
  d) Jennings wouldn't be able to play against elite competition since all the elite competition would be in season. Therefore, he's going to go A WHOLE YEAR without playing against anybody that'll really help him grow as a player.
  e) For how character-concerned NBA teams are, will a team look favorably on a guy who takes a year off from playing against elite players?
  
  Other than that, it's a great idea.
  
  
• I made this comparison in FanHouse's liveblog today, but it needs to be seen again: Eric Gordon could end up like Fat Glen Rice, from his Lakers years. In fact, his ceiling is probably Glen Rice's best years.
  
  
• I think this is abundantly obvious, but Beasley's new tattoos aren't a sign of Nationals fandom. They're a shout-out to his hometown. I've considered getting the Phillies P (which was my high school baseball team's logo) on my arm and I'm anti-Phillies. Same thing. Minus the millions of dollars, of course.

Kevin Garnett Intenses Summer Music Releases

Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer

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Beck - Modern Guilt

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Nas - Untitled

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Weezer - Weezer (The Red Album)

Derrick Rose Wears a T-Shirt

I was chatting with Skeets yesterday when he casually dropped a bombshell:

Rose has done nada.
And more alarmingly -- he's playing in an undershirt.
Who does he think he is? Me!?!?!

Clearly this is cause for concern.

Only in summer leagues are players allowed to wear a full-sleeved t-shirt under their jerseys. Yeah, you’ll see quite a few Under Armor types of base layers during the regular season, but they’re otherwise forbidden. This is right and just. Full sleeves should be left to college guys and rec leagues.

As a devotee to the triviality of on-court style, I will not budge on this. You’re in the NBA, look like a basketball player and not some hopper on The Wire.

However, I suppose there may be some decent reasons for wearing an undershirt. Being fair, I’ve provided a few of those reasons:

- Shoulders were removed following a tragic half-pipe bicycle accident.
- You have shoulders, but you’re thin, man. Real thin.
- Increased resistance results in more speed when the shirt is removed.
- Grotesque burns on upper arms.
- Embarrassing tattoo of the lyrics to LFO’s hit “Summer Girls.”
- Typical men’s league jersey has extremely wide neck which causes the jersey to slip off your shoulders.
- To hide an abysmally small frame.
- To prevent chafing.
- You were the fat kid in grade school and have always worn a t-shirt during athletic activities, especially swimming.
- To protect other players from your small, dagger-like nipples.
- Obscene amounts of chest hair.
- You went to college with me, and also thought it was hilarious to have a guy on your NCAA March Madness 2005 team called "The Shirt."
- Played for a handful of Illinois high schools which have jerseys with sleeves and are therefore more comfortable in sleeves.
- Effectively hides the joints from your robotic arm implants.
- Rebellion against the tyranny of the NBA dress code.
- You’re my fiancée and you get cold easily, even when it isn’t actually cold. For instance, at a Borders.
- Suffer from night terrors where you show up to important events naked, therefore the more clothes, the better.
- You’re a never-nude and always wear a t-shirt..
- Have always dreamt of having wings.
- You’re J.E. Skeets.

Though I’m pretty sure I covered every possible scenario where a sleeved t-shirt is acceptable in the NBA, feel free to add some more in the comments.

Gracias, Matt y Skeets.

It's Hard Out Here for Pau Gasol

Sergio Ramos, Fernando Torres, and Rafael Nadal sit jubilantly around a table. A single chair is unoccupied.

Ramos: Veectree es muy bueno. I berry much like weening.

Nadal: Si, si. Sank you so berry much for invitings me aqui. El weeners table!

Torres: De nada, de nada. Rafa, you are true Spanish hero. Te amo.

Nadal: Gracias, Fernando y Sergio. Es un great honor to be here. Now, we discuss hair y headbands, yes?

Torres: Si!

Ramos: Si!

A door creaks open, a haggard and heavily bearded Pau Gasol enters the room and colapses in the vacant chair.

Gasol: Hola, senores.

Nadal: Que? What es Wizard Claws doing here?

Ramos: No sabe. Es no offen we ween, Rafa. Maybe Pau Gasol es confused.

Gasol: Senores, I am berry sorry. I do no mean interrup, but I halve no eat sense Juno. Good people of Espana, haf not been awhaleabull for me to halve food. Zo I halve no ween champonship, yo tengo mucho hambre.

Torres: Ohh, pobrecito. Pau Pau cannot halve food because Pau Pau cannot halve champeenship. falls to the ground, fake cries.

Nadal: Pobrecito!

Ramos: falls to the ground, fake cries.

Gasol: Senores, por favor. I halve not money for eeben una headband.

Nadal: No money por una headband?! Es un tragedy, si.

Ramos: Los Champions para Espana must remedy. Los Champions para Espana wheel remedy. Barkeep, por favor, bring thees bearded creature you finest sangria y headband.

Juan Carlos Navarro walks slowly to the table, hands Pau Gasol a glass of sangria, removes his headband and places it around Gasol’s mangled hair.

Navarro: Please, Pau, treat this well…and remember 2006. No one else will.

To be continued….

The Sonics Are Dead, Long Live the Sonics

Eric Gordon and Baron Davis Wear Fat Pants

Phone rings

Pete Serrano, equipment manager: Hello.

Elgin Baylor: Hey, Pete. It’s Elgin.

PS: Not too bad. Just finished up that knee sleeve that’ll cover Shaun’s scars. Those things are gross.

EB: Oh, excellent. That’ll help keep the fans in the seats. Anything we can do to not terribly horrify the fans is a win in my book. And we need wins, am I right?!

PS: We do need wins, that’s for sure. Anyway, what’s up?

EB: Well, we just drafted Eric Gordon. We’re going to need some massive shorts.

PS: Are you serious? Eric Gordon from Indiana?

EB: Yeah, that’s him.

PS: Geez, Elgin. I don’t know where I’m going to find shorts that big. I mean, yeah, you can find some big shorts, but they’ll come down to his ankles. I guess I can see if the Bulls still have the pattern to Khalid El-Amin’s shorts, but that’s going to be a shot in the dark.

EB: I would have suggested Priest Lauderdale, but you’d get the A-line skirt thing going on.

PS: How do you know about A-line skirts?

EB: Project Runway.

PS: Ooooh, great show. So, anything else I can do for you?

EB: Yeah, there’s one more thing. We just signed Baron Davis. He’ll need some big shorts too.

PS: You’re killing me!

EB: Hey, Donald’s actually spending. I’m not passing that up.

PS: You’re right. But this is going to kill our fabric budget. NBA mesh goes for 75 bucks a yard. Between Gordon and Baron, that’ll be, like, 900 dollars.

EB: Luckily Shaun’s really skinny. Just don’t skimp on Kaman’s shorts. That’s just wrong to even think about.

PS: Yeah, that makes my man parts hurt picturing it.

EB: …

PS: …so, um, I’ll get to work on those fat shorts.

EB: Thanks, Pete.

click

Brook Lopez Prepares for His First Press Conference

GOSH, guys. I don't WANNA do a press conference!

Can't I just stay home and play Wii? I never get to play Wii anymore. Ever since I got here it's been basketball, basketball, BASKETBALL. What do I have to do to get some alone time with New York Minute? That movie's AMAZING.

Seriously, what am I supposed to say at this dumb thing? I can't say I'm glad to be in New Jersey. It's frickin' NEW JERSEY. No one wants to come here. I can't say I'm excited to play for Frank Lawrence. I don't even remember what he looks like. UGH.

I miss Robin. He's probably running through sprinklers AGAIN. He has all the fun in Phoenix. He says they even let him use Funoodles in the team pool. Vince won't even let me read him my poems. It's so BORING here.

I need a nap.