To My "Friend"

Hey NBA Chair,

It's me, Pat. I just wanted to let you know how much I'm going to miss you.

Which is not at all.

I hate you with every fiber of my being. I can't believe that I've had to have such a close association with you for so many years. Back in the Notre Dame days, I thought it would be great to even be in the NBA; if I'd have known you were going to be such a jerk I'd have played volleyball like my mom wanted me to. I'd have even played football over having to deal with you. Touchdown Jesus knows they need the help.

It's not so much that you aren't comfortable, which you aren't. It isn't even that you're way to small for 6-foot-9 guy, which you are. It's that smug look you'd have on your stupid padded face after I'd invariably have to come back to you.

In a way, you're like a crippling drug addiction, without all the fun. I can't stand you but for whatever reason, I kept coming back. For that I hate you.

A lot of retired guys will put a bunch of you around their house. I wouldn't dream of that. I'd rather sit on a mound of broken glass, used needles, and salt.

Get bent. Literally.

Pat Garrity

www.myspace.com/gatparrity -- HOT RAP BEATZ

Top Spot

Seen on Yahoo!'s main NBA page...

Skeets and I win.

I See Your Shaq/Hakeem Taco Bell Commercial and Raise You One TacoNECK Commercial

Skeets' Taco Bell commercial was fun, but this one is tops. Peep Young Derek Fisher and Eddie Jones.

You're turn, Matt Moore.

Marshmallows Roasting on an Open Fire

Please listen to today's Basketball Jones podcast for nuggets like this:

Tas: Shhhhh...you have the mallows?

Skeets: What?

Tas: The mallows. Do you have the mallows?

Skeets: Marshmallows.

Tas: Yeah, we're gonna roast 'em.

Skeets: Chestnuts, man.

Tas: Yeah, whatever.

BREAKING NEWS: SKEETS AND TAS PULL FOR KID DELICOUS

Here ye, here ye!

The esteemed Basketball Jones podcast has weighed in on The Official Kevin Durant Nickname Extravaganza (10:30-15:15).

Listen as these two Canucks put their formidable weight behind "Kid Delicious."

And yes, "Mr. Good Things" is a David Lee nickname. So if that wins, it won't actually be the winner and the next highest total will prevail. Take note that it was not a goathair suggestion. Also, "Kid Delicious" is a pool player, but not an NBA dude so it still stands.

J.E. Skeets owns the internet

Please, please, please read this immediately (scroll down to about 3 am). J.E. Skeets (of the Basketball Jones) owns everything ever written on the whole internet.