January 14, 2008

Why Joakim Noah Got Suspended

At the Bulls' training facility, Joakim Noah arrives to practice 37 minutes late.

Ron Adams: You're late, Joaquin.

Joakim Noah: Ey yo dunny, it's Joakim. Joe-uh-keem. Don't get it twisted, son,

RA: Ok...well, you're still late. You know the rules, one down and back for every minute.

JN: I ain't even feeling that. I'm here now. Let's ball.

RA: Not until you do your sprints.

JN: You must be outside your mind, joe.

Joakim Noah begins dancing.

RA: Stop dancing.

JN: Aight.

Joakim Noah begins rapping

"N.Y. Do or die. Hell's Kitchen. Know what I'm saying? Twenty blocks away from the Garden. That's how we do you. A lot of people over here pulling for the kid. Know what I'm saying? That's how we do. Hell's Kitchen, 51st Street and 10th Avenue. My block was here tonight. Coach, you don't understand, I have a reputation out here. Put me down, even if it's two minutes. Know what I mean? Just let me shine in the Garden lights."


JN: Aight. Bad Boy, baby.

Joakim Noah begins singing.

Adrian Griffin: My lord! That kind of conduct is quite unbecoming of a man of our principle. This youngster must suffer the consequences of his acts!

Jim Boylan: Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Can I suspend him for a game?

BW: One measly game?! Make it two, dagnabbit! That raps music ain't no good. All loud and mumbly.

JB: Sure thing. Please don't kill me.


Gourmet Spud said...

Great stuff. His Gate-ah boyz know. Oh yes. His Gate-ah boyz know.

Anonymous said...

just another clown, who will be out of the sport or bounced around teams to come. Dumb Woogie

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I think this post ought to be in some kind of manual -- say, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Stand-Up Comedy" -- as proof positive that not everyone is born equal when it comes to being funny. This is seriously one of the most unfunny posts in world history. I'm sure this post caused riots in Ukraine or the Ivory Coast or some place like that. Some people have a gift for this. You don't. And I'm going to go beat the crap out of Kelly Dwyer for sending me here.

Trey said...

That's like, just your opinion, man.

Gourmet Spud said...

Granville, you're out of your element.