I'm Not Sure What To Make Of This

I was at Best Buy yesterday and I saw that Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is now available there. At first I was sad about it, but then now I think it's a little cool that a band with no record label or anything of that matter can really make it if they try. That is encouraging. Plus I will be enjoying their stylings with The Lady on Monday, which is off the chay-ain.

At the very least, I'm glad she convinced me to buy it while they were still truly indie. That is why her and I are far more awesome than anyone alive.

You Can Find Valuable Lessons Anywhere

If I have learned one thing from R. Kelly in my lifetime, it is this:

If you plan to have sex with an underage girl, and then proceed to urinate on her, it is not wise to videotape it.

Like I said, a valuable lesson. Thank you R. Kelly.

2 Things About Rock Music

I've been listening to two late 2005 releases a lot lately, so I'll share my thoughts.

Nice and Nicely Done - the Spinto Band These young fellows sound like if you put Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Pavement in a blender, set the controls to pulsate, and removed the pretentiousness. Occasionally, the lyrics are a bit immature, but that can be funny sometimes. They have essentially synthesized two divergent strains of indie rock into a very pleasant experience. Like I said, the lyrics can be a bit cutesy but they never miss a trick when it comes to the actual music.

The Loon - Tapes 'n Tapes Here you have another "it" band that has been said to reference Pavement. However, I find their particular brand of rock sauce to be more of the Modest Mouse-ian variety. Though the album definitely has a cohesive feel to it, at closer examination there are many different directions that are explored. All in all, I think they sound a lot like Wolf Parade minus the Bowie influences. The only Pavement qualities I can see are the opaque lyrics and musical experimentation, but not in the actual sound. At times acoustic driven, and at times a full on rockstravaganza, The Loon is a stellar listen throughout the record.

Andy Samberg is Kablamo

Saturday Night Live has been on a decidedly downward spiral since the Sandler/Farley/Meyers years. Aside from a slight re-emergence involving Will Ferrell (one of the all-time best cast members) the show has been extremely lack luster. But as of late, there have been a few transecendent moments involving one Andy Samberg. He is easily the funniest member that is on the show now, and I would go so far as to say the best since Ferrell. He's just the right amount of goofy and funny, and he has the ability to be a mainstay for a couple of years. I'm sure you've heard about "Lazy Sunday" and the Natalie Portman rap (both of which he helped write and perform), but he has also been a key contributor to sketches I have loved such as "Huge Taco" and "Lettuce Talk." It should come as no surprise then that his website is so funny. Him and the other two guys, who are both writers for SNL, have a ton of absolutely bizarre skits and music videos as their group, Lonely Island. You can see the gangsta rap seeds of "Lazy Sunday" in the absolutely hilarious "Kablamo." As long as he doesn't drift in to Jimmy Fallon territory (which is a frighteningly feasable possibility) I can see him becoming a reason to watch SNL every week. As soon as they get rid of some of the older cast members (Parnell, Sanz, Dratch, etc.) and focus on the new blood (Samberg, Hader, Wiig, Armisen), the show could actually become close to what it was in the early to mid 90s.

Bizarre

I'm not writing about poop anymore, because I don't want to. If you are truly interested in advanced techniques, email me and I'll share my wealth of knowledge with you.

The last couple of nights have brought two very strange stories. I will share them with you now:

1. A few days ago I got an email from a kid who has the same name as me. It was especially strange since the spelling was the exact same, and let's face it, Trey Kerby is not a common name. We exchanged emails, and eventually he told me that his real name is Robert Marion Kerby III but everyone calls him Trey. It's weird enough that our names are the same, but the fact that he shares the name Robert Marion with my maternal grandfather is downright eery.
   
2. Today, Byrd (my bird) mysteriously escaped from his cage and was nowhere to be found for the greater part of the day. There were no feathers that could have presented clues to his whereabouts or that could have hinted to him being eaten by our cat Foo Foo. Eventually, I found him frightened and hiding underneath my dresser. I still have absolutely no idea how he could have got out of his cage.

After those two stories, it is safe to say that I have had my fair share of weird for the week.

P Is For Portman

Not more than one hour after it happened, the Natalie Portman gangsta rap extravaganza is already being buzzed on the internet. Boo and I agreed that it would be all over the place tomorrow and that we would download it. We were right.

More poop tomorrow.

The Thinking Man's Guide to the Work Dump - Part 3

As we covered yesterday, location is by far the most important factor when planning your work dump. However, millions have been made by being in the right place at the right time. Which brings us to our second lesson, timing your work dump. By making a poor choice on the timing aspect, there could be disatrous consequences. But with strategic planning, timing can be broken down in to a science.

First I would like to propose my idea of dividing your work day in to fourths. Take your typical eight hour work day. Assuming that the day runs from 8:00 am - 4:00 pm the one quarter divisions would be as follows:

• 10:00 am = 1/4
• 12:00 pm = 1/2
• 2:00 pm = 3/4
• 4:00 pm = day over

By using the rule of fourths, a work dump can be carefully calculated to maximize comfort and efficiency. My choice is usually to take a break for the work dump at the 3/4 break of the day. Obviously this will come after lunch and a nice break is needed to get you through the day. Furthermore, not only will you have been on lunch, most likely every one else at the office will have too. This means that you save yourself the potential embarrassment of encountering someone during the work dump process. It seems that the 3/4 portion of the day is the least busy as most people are doing their best to finish up their work in a timely manner and get out on time. This leaves you an unoccupied restroom to do your business.

However, you may choose another time and if that is so I can offer only this suggestion. Whenever you decide to take your work dump, just make sure that it is at a time where there are as few people as possible that are likely to use the restroom. This means lunchtime is usually not a good choice as there are lots of people who could potentially enter the bathroom. Just remember, smart choices bring great dividends.

Tomorrow: Advanced Tactics