November 24, 2010

The Blowtorch's Big Book of Basketball Facts


The book is done and it is a free download. Please download and enjoy some laughs at this book full of nonsensical jokes. Way full. Chock full, even.

Donate if you want, but I really just want this to be read. It's been on my computer for a year, and that's just silly because jokey-jokes have no timestamp.

So please, enjoy it. Read me at The Basketball Jones and follow me on Twitter and let me know if you like it.

This has been The Blowtorch.

February 25, 2010

February 23, 2010

February 19, 2010

Happy Birthday to Myself

I turned 45 today. It's a pretty big milestone, so I decided I'd do something nice for myself.

February 19 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Just leave it, Wikipedia. Be chill.

February 18, 2010

Television Producers Pitch - My Crew


Okay, so here's the story. The show is called My Crew. We've got four guys from different walks of life, but they're all in the NBA. We'll use Erik Spoelstra, the Miami Heat coach. Brian Scalabrine, from the Celtics. Yao Ming from the Rockets, and Yi Jianlian from the Nets. It's set in the offseason and these guys are all like best friends and it's all about them making their way in the NBA. It'll be like Friends plus Entourage, so like the best show ever.

Here's the best part. We already cast the show. BJ Novak is in to play Spoelstra. The guy from LOST, he's going to be Yao. And we got Lloyd from Entourage to be Yi. That's great right? He'll definitely help us capture the right vibe for the show. But get this — Scalabrine is going to play himself!

Just let me know how many episodes you want.

February 16, 2010

RetroTorch: Brian Winters Joins the Bucks


What's goin' on, sissies?

Name's Brian. Brian Winters. Yeah, you know me.

I'm here because you idiots traded Jabbar. Good one, ya jugheads.

You think I want to be in Wisconsin? This time last year I'm catching perch off the Santa Monica Pier, and now I've gotta choose which of 18 different cheeses I want on my grilled cheese.

Oh, you like my stache? Sure you do. I grew it as a joke cause I knew you jerks are in to that sort of thing.

Let's play some basketball. Give it to the big man and work inside out. Some good basketball. That's what you guys do here, right? No? Oh yeah, you traded your big man. Good one.

I can't believe you bunch of stupids won a title. How's Brian Winters supposed to make things work here? Want me to grow a beard and get a pair of goggles? Too bad. I hate skiing.

If you need me, I'll be parting my hair.