Miami is Le Sigh

Is there a more depressing team than the Miami Heat? Not only is their best player sidelined, but the remaining guys they have make you sad to be a basketball fan. Here's some of their most saddening players, with a quick synopsis about their own special way of ruining your mood:

Joel Anthony - Wikipedia entry is exactly one sentence long.

Earl Barron - though his name is composed of two different British royalties, is neither an Earl nor a Baron.

Ricky Davis - this fiasco:




Anfernee Hardaway - remember when Penny used to do this?


Now, it's kind of hard to even call him "Penny." He scored his first basket in 2 YEARS the other night. Probably the most depressing player in the NBA to see on the floor.

Udonis Haslem - just looks like a sad guy in general.

Alonzo Mourning - used to be one of the most fearsome centers in the NBA. Now he pretty much just flexes and looks intense.

Shaquille O'Neal - there is a myriad of reasons why Shaq saddens me. He scored single figures in back-to-back games. He weighs about 900 pounds. He can't finish around the basket. He plays 2/3rds of the season. Pretty much the only redeeming quality is that he grew a pretty great beard.

Smush Parker - relatively speaking, he's a terrible basketball player.

Dwyane Wade - easily breakable.

Jason Williams - has been neutered since coming over from Memphis. What happened to this?


After last night's Spurs debacle, I don't think I'll be able to watch any Heat games this year. Maybe when Flash comes back they'll be somewhat decent, but for now, they really, really make me sad.